Always Less
by bad wolfs coming
Summary: AU. Instead of facing a single corrupt wizard, the Marauders face an entirely corrupt government. After rescuing Remus from a werewolf containment facility, a relationship between him and Sirius Black develops. This is their story. SBRL, JPLE, SLASH.
1. Chapter 1

From the confines of his cell, Remus Lupin could see but a small expanse of an aged brick wall. One he was terribly familiar with. After all, he had spent the past decade staring at it. It was made up of 283 bricks, all of them dulled and chipped from years of abuse. For every chipped brick, he made up a story. Of blood. Of pain. Of horror.-Of his life.

At 18, Remus had lost all hope of ever having a life of his own. He was a werewolf and as such he was not permitted to have any of the civil liberties he ought to be granted. He wasn't even deemed _sub_human, let alone human. He was considered an animal, which eased the minds of those working in the containment center. It was the perfect justification for them despite the fact that it lacked any evidence at all.

Remus used to know that they was wrong. He used to feel human. He was intelligent, clever, kind, funny-he was a lot of things. However, being that he was bitten and brought here at the age of 8, he had had it beaten into his head that he was less. Less than others. Less than human. Always less.

Curling his fingers around the bars of his cell, he rested his forehead against the cool metal and sighed, closing his eyes. Peace could only be found in the brief moments that proceeded an enjoyable sensation. It was rare to experience that though. Remus sought them out to keep his mind. He may believe them when they told him he was less, but he wouldn't relinquish himself entirely.

He would _never _do that.

Sirius Black was propped up in the doorway leading into the Potter's kitchen, leaning with such a casual grace it was impossible to describe it without seeing it. He was wearing a pair of dark denim jeans and a faded black t-shirt with a leather jacket over it. His dark hair fell into his stormy gray eyes as his full lips pulled up into a smile.

"A mission?" he repeated, eyeing his best friend of 8 years, James Potter.

Grinning in reply, the bespectacled man nodded. "A _real _mission. Not patrol. Not guard duty. Not babysitting. An honest to Merlin _mission_." His excitement was tangible.

"Brilliant." Sirius breathed in reply, face lighting up as the red head in the room shook her head.

Lily had been James' girlfriend for during their time at Hogwarts. Now they were married. 18 going on 19 and they were married.

They were in the throws of a revolution to overturn the corrupt wizarding government though. All of them had joined up after graduating to fight for their rights; Sirius, James, Peter, and Lily. It was dangerous, but it was what was right. After all, they were all Gryffindors. Courage was their forte.

Sirius and James, however, were blindly courageous which worried Lily as she frowned at the two of them.

"Try not to look so excited," Lily replied seriously, rising from her seat at the table to refill her drink. "You don't know what you're going to find in there and remember-it's a werewolf confinement center. The people in there-the things they've been forced to experience-" Lily trailed off, shaking her head.

Lily was the compassionate one. Sirius and James often had to see things with their own eyes to properly understand it. Lily, however, just seemed to know. She was an old soul, or so James claimed.

"-It's just _so _wrong." she finished with a shake of her head, returning to the table though this time she sat in her husband's lap. James happily wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to his temple.

"I know," he murmured in response, "but we'll get them out. We'll help them. All of them. This containment center is small. I think there are only a dozen cells or so." James said, looking at Sirius for conformation though he just gave a shrug. He had just learned about the mission, how was he supposed to know how many cells there were?

"When're we going?" Sirius asked, finally leaving his post by the door and taking Lily's vacated chair.

"A week from today-best get ready mate."


	2. Chapter 2

It was stupid of him. He _knew_ it was stupid of him. Remus knew he was not supposed to talk, let alone talk back, but he had snapped.

Earlier today, when they were taking the prisoners out to the courtyard, he spied one of the guards beating a younger boy.

The boy himself was about 9 years old. He was a skinny little thing with dark, matted hair and scabbed, bruised skin. By the time Remus saw him, he had already collapsed beneath the officers heavy fists, crying and asking-no-_begging _the guard to stop. '_Please, stop, please, I'm sorry-so-sorry-please_.'

The words that fell from his lips caused the guard to inflict even more pain upon him. The more he pleaded the harsher his punishment became. His cried turned to screams, the punches turning to heavy kicks delivered with a pair of steel toed boots.

The others had turned their heads. They had been trained to turn their heads. Some huddled together to try and stave off the loss of their humanity, but it was a dog eat dog world and since they weren't the ones receiving the blows, they paid no mind.

Remus couldn't do that though. Remus had a long record of not being able to do that. He was _defiant_. He hadn't been tamed by their beatings. Therefore, it was no surprise that Remus had rushed in to stop the assault without any thought about the consequences.

He saved the boy-but he hadn't done anything to save himself.

His back was whipped raw. His lip was split, body bruised. They didn't dare hit him in the eyes or nose however. He needed to see to work for them. He would have to work, even if he could very well be dying due to internal bleeding.

Remus couldn't help but think that that wouldn't be so bad though.

The thought scared him.

Butt he was just _so_ tired. Life had already exhausted him. He kept a tight grip on the tendrils of his mind, trying to reel it in whenever it strayed too far, but the pain was allowing him to drop his guard.

Laying on his stomach on the bare floor, he took deep breaths. Laying like this hurt his chest, but laying on his back hurt worse. The floor itself was damp, as per usual, and Remus was breathing in breath after breath-it was a terrible smell. It wasn't healthy, but none of this was.

At least he had saved the boy, he thought, closing his eyes. Saved him from one beating, but not from the future horrors that no one would be there to save him from. Remus felt his stomach twist as he thought of it.

For the first year of his stay here, he expected someone to come and rescue him. He expected to see his mother and father, but he knew they were dead. They hadn't handed him over and so he was forcibly taken. The night it happened still haunted him.

He had no one. And no one cared about werewolves. They were told this over and over again and the lack of action to save them from this cruel place certainly backed that up.

Sighing, Remus took a shallow breath and closed his eyes-A part of him hoping he would bleed out while he slept. Peace at last.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore stood before the members of the Resistance. His bright blue eyes twinkling as he looked out at the group of individuals brave enough to fight for their rights.

Tonight would go, hopefully, like every other confinement raid. The previous two had gone smoothly and some of the members of the group tonight had participated in the last two. In fact, the only new faces were those of James Potter and Sirius Black, but he had the utmost confidence in them.

It didn't take long to straighten things out, assigning duties once more before heading out. They used a port key to transport themselves to the outskirts of the facility, they had others to give the people being held here-take them back to headquarters to better help them. They had a member on the inside, who had unlocked doors, undid charms-set them up for success.

Adrenaline was rushing through Sirius' system. He was so excited for this, completely forgetting Lily's words. James seemed a bit more down to earth with this though he was still excited to be here.

As soon as they slipped into the center, they broke to do what they were meant to do. Sirius was meant to go to the bottom floor. There were only four cells down there, according to the schematics. This was going to be easy.

Once he got down there though, his excitement gave way to horror. The first thing that hit him was the smell. It smelled awful-like excrement and sweat and something else, something worse, _blood_.

Gagging, he paused on the stairs to press his sleeve to his nose and mouth for a minute before nodding and continuing on his way.

His head began to ache as he peered through the dark, the scent smothering him. The first cell he came upon belonged to a young boy. It was what finally shocked Sirius into realization. He had a bruised jaw and his body was terribly small and thin.

When Sirius appeared outside the bars of his cell, he pressed back into his corner and put his head down. He had learned his lesson today, he didn't want to learn it again. If the nice man at the end of his ward hadn't helped him-well-he didn't know what. He was worried about the other though.

"Are you alright?" Sirius hissed through the darkness, the boy just tensed though. This was a trick. Surely it was. They were trying to see if he would speak again and then they'd punish him. He thought that they liked to find reasons to hurt them. And they were supposed to be the monsters.

"Listen, my name is Sirius. I'm here to help." he said, which had the boy nervously peering up. Sirius gave him a small, reassuring smile. "I belong to the Resistance. We're here to get you out."

Young as he was, he jumped on these words. Any of the other wolves would have kept their distance, but the young boy flew to the bars.

"Really?" he whispered, eyes wide and hopeful, it nearly broke Sirius' heart.

"Really." he smiled. The cells bars were made of magically refined steel. It was impossible to get in without the key which was why they had brought the port keys, in the form of knuts, to get them out.

"What we're going to do." Sirius said gently, knowing he had to hurry up if he was going to make it on time. Half of the guards were on break now, sleeping in one of the dorms while the others patrolled. Several of the members in his group had the sole job of incapacitating them though, so Sirius tried to keep that from his mind.

"-is, I'm going to give you a knut." he explained and the boy furrowed a brow, unaware of the form of currency but he did not want to annoy Sirius with his questions so instead he nodded.

"And when I do, it will take you some place safe. Somewhere where you'll be taken care of." Sirius promised. The boy said nothing, looking at him for a long moment before his skinny arms reached through the bars to hug him.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." a stream of them fell from his lips as tears fell from his eyes and Sirius felt himself getting choked up.

Awkwardly patting his back, he nodded "You're welcome." he replied gently, reaching into his pocket to get out the port key.

The boy took this as a sign to prepare himself, though he hesitated. "Will you follow?" he asked timidly. Sirius hadn't planned on it, but how could he say no?

"Yes. Just a little while after you. I promise." he didn't know the young boys name, but he knew what it felt like to feel alone in the world. Sirius had never experienced something as awful as this though.

Pressing the knut into his tiny hand, he tapped it with his wand and with a crack the boy was gone.

Having overheard Sirius speaking with the boy, the two werewolves after that were easily placated and accepted the help in but a moment. When Sirius got to the last cell though he let out a gasp and stumbled to press himself against the red brick wall.-The wall Remus knew so well.

Inside the cell was a man, Sirius estimated to be about his age. He had thin limbs that were covered in scars and was wearing a pair of loose pants. His torso was bare and Sirius could see the angry red whip marks that were still bleeding. He had been whipped so many times, in places it seemed like the skin was physically torn from his back.

He was alive though. Sirius could see him rising and falling as he breathed, though it was labored. Sirius had to get in, but he couldn't. He could apparate though .. The man's foot was just an inch away from him and so, as a last resort, he reached out and grabbed it before he focused on returned to Headquarters and with a crack, they were gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius wasn't the last to arrive at Headquarters, however, he took no note of that. As soon as he appeared with a crack, he was surging forward to see if the other man was alright. The crushing, sucking sensation of apparation seemed to have disturbed him as he shifted his weight and sucked in a breath.

"Merlin." someone behind Sirius' shoulder breathed, causing him to turn. It was Lily, her bright green eyes wide with shock.

"Yeah." Sirius murmured, watching as the woman went and stooped at his other side. "James-?" Sirius asked, licking his lips nervously before Lily nodded her head.

"Fine." she said, though the small smile that would normally accompany that statement was lost given the current situation, "Not a scratch on him."

Sirius smiled a bit, before his eyes returned to the man he had returned to the man he had rescued.

He was much closer to him now, which allowed him to see him better. Sirius felt sick with how skinny he was. His raw, whipped shoulder blades stuck out like wings of a bird from a horror show. His skin was deathly pale and covered not only with scars, he noticed, but bruises as well. What had been done to him?

"Is he going to be alright?" Sirius asked, his eyes still tracing over his form as Lily set to work.

"I think-I hope so.." Lily was brilliant with healing spells, Sirius was grateful he had been granted her assistance. Of course, he reasoned, this man meant nothing to him, but he still felt awful.

Reaching out, Sirius pushed the honey colored hair off his forehead and was quite surprised when he was greeted with his face. He was .. If it was okay to apply this term to a male but .. He was beautiful.

His eyes were closed, revealing his long, dark lashes brushing his cheek. His skin was unblemished though his lack of nutrition had caused it to look a bit sunk in. He had high cheek bones littered with freckles, and full, pink lips-the bottom of which was split.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, his eyes flicked up at Lily who was working on the trying to figure out if there was anything worse than the cuts on his back. There was.

"Marlene!" Lily called out to a dark haired woman a few years their senior. Turning when she heard Lily's voice, she approached with the same pained look on her face that Lily had.

"What's wrong?" because Marlene knew something was wrong. Given the state of the man Lily was laboring over, she assumed she had been called over to help.

"Broken ribs, internal bleeding. Badly bruised on his side." Lily ticked off, "And that's not counting the whipping and the malnutrition." she said, pursing her lips together as she felt a surge of anger. "The people who run those places should be forced to suffer through what they inflict."

Being that Lily was a very docile person generally, Sirius was taken aback but he said nothing. Because he agreed with her. They should.

Nodding, Marlene held up a finger, which almost had Sirius yelling at her before he realized she was going to get supplies.

Coming back and sitting beside Lily, she placed the containers on the floor. "The bruises we'll tackle with the salve after we get the internal bleeding. I know a spell for it, I'll teach you." she replied, looking over at Lily who was listening raptly.

"The broken ribs will have to wait until he wakes up, but if they aren't too bad, we should heal his back before disturbing him. Marlene paused for a beat, "because that has _got _to hurt." she breathed out.

In silence, they began working. They were just about to start on the cuts marring his back, when his body tensed and his breathing picked up. He was awake, but his eyes were closed.

Marlene and Lily looked at Sirius, who's eyes dropped to the man. Sirius, who never really was good with comforting in any form, surprised them all by dropping to the floor and laying on his stomach, his head resting against one arm to get a look at him while the other reached out to gently touch him. He held up one finger to them, to let them know to wait.

"Are you awake?" he asked, as gently as he could. He received no response.

"Listen, you're not in the confinement center anymore," the man's body went rigid, "My name is Sirius, I'm a member of the Resistance. Everyone being held within there has safely been brought here." he reassured him, but apparently the other wasn't so quick to trust.

Sighing, Sirius flicked his eyes over to the other two and nodded. "We're going to fix up your back, we got your bruises and bleeding. You have a few broken ribs, but you just need a potion for that." Sirius informed him. When yet again he remained silent, the other two set to work.

The man remained quiet the entire time, his body tensing on and off and every time it did, Sirius either squeezed his arm or brushed his thumb along his skin. He knew the tensing meant pain, and even if whoever this was refused to look at him, he didn't quite want to leave.

Once they were done, Marlene glanced over at Sirius who seemed to be caught up in staring at the man. It was quite odd, but once she cleared her throat he was flicking his eyes up to her.

"He needs to take a potion. One for his ribs, and the other for pain. I'd say he should bathe but I did a cleansing spell for now to not upset any of the work we just did." the dark haired woman explained and Sirius nodded.

Running his hand down the others upper arm, he felt the slight tremor and paused. The man finally opened his eyes and Sirius completely forgot what it was he had been trying to tell him.

He was met with large, round, eyes that were almost gold in color. There were flecks of amber and darker shades within them and they were staring right at him-right _into_ him.

It was Sirius' turn to feel a tremor go through his body.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before clearing his throat and getting a hold of himself.

"You need to take a couple of potions." Sirius told him and he finally replied. Not verbally, but with a small nod. Marlene had the potion handy already and so she simply uncorked one.

"Can you sit up?" she asked, but Remus didn't respond to her.

Sirius waited a moment before repeating her question. "Can you sit up?" and again, he received a nod. Lily looked on with such curiosity as did Marlene.

The man got to his hands and knees, sucking in a sharp breath that had Sirius flinching and reaching a hand out as if to steady him. The bright, amber eyes shot over to him, a question lingering in them that Sirius could not answer.

Frozen where he was, he watched as the man sat back on his haunches, revealing previously unseen bruises that caused Sirius to flinch again and the man to draw away. Finally sitting down completely, he pulled his legs up to his chest as Marlene handed him the first potion and then the second. He gulp them down dutifully.

"We can fix your bruises." Lily said softly, once he had swallowed. She received no answer once more. Lily's eyes caught Sirius' and she gave a nod. Sirius understood what it meant and so he repeated the sentiment.

"We can fix your bruises."

Timidly, the man raised his eyes, settling on Sirius' before slowly shaking his head. Sirius was confused as to why he was turning the help down and so he gently persisted.

"Please, you'll feel better." he told him and Remus paused before nodding. Turning away from him towards the other two, he looked up and met Lily's eyes who smiled at him warmly.

It only took a few moments to apply the salve and bandage him up. He looked like a mummy with the amount of bandages he had.

"Would you like to rest now?" Lily asked and surprisingly, this time, Remus answered her with a nod.

"You shouldn't walk until tomorrow, when we're sure you're better. Sirius is going to carry you, okay?" she said and Remus hesitated before nodding once more.

Sirius, who hadn't had a say in the matter, easily scooped him up. "Wrap your arms around my neck." he told him in a soft voice that made it sound terribly intimate.

Headquarters was a large old house with four floors and a basement. Sirius' room was on the fourth floor. He hadn't planned on taking Remus there, but as he passed each room, they were full up until he came to his own.

Looking down at him, he was met with curious amber eyes and gave him a small smile, one the other returned a bit-it was warped though, as if he was unused to it.

"All the rooms are full? Do you mind staying in mine? I'll sleep on the floor." Sirius promised.

Nodding in response, Sirius smiled and opened his door, closing it behind him with his foot before walking over to his bed. Setting the man down, he pulled away, only to find the other wouldn't let go. Sirius wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Are you okay?" he asked, bracing himself with his hand so he didn't topple over given his awkward stance.

The man shook his head.

"Do you need something?" he asked, and the other shook his head.

Pausing a moment, Sirius considered what he was about to ask before saying, "Do you want me to stay?"

It took him a bit longer to respond, but this time the other nodded.

"Okay." Sirius said in a whispered voice. Reaching up and untangling his arms, he said, "I'm just going to change, I'll be right back."

Grabbing some pajamas from his wardrobe, he made quick work of changing into them in the bathroom before emerging to find Remus in the exact same position. Walking over to the bed, he hesitated before getting in to the other side. He was compelled to move close to the other, who watched him with those wide eyes of his.

Sirius noticed he wasn't under the covers though and so he tugged them on top of him which caused him to look rather frightened and begin to struggle.

Alarmed, Sirius reached out and pulled him closer which had him settling some.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay. Just blankets, to keep you warm, that's all. I promise." he whispered, and much to his relief the other settled down.

Sirius was aware then on the fact that he had pulled him to rest on his chest, the other seemed rather tense to. Sirius felt terrible for startling him, for what he had been through, for everything and so he gently rubbed his arm which had him relaxing. Sirius smiled softly.

"Good night." he didn't even think to ask his name since he wasn't talking and he completely missed when the other mouthed the words as well.

The first thing that Remus was aware of was that someone was touching him. He could hear murmurings, but he couldn't make them out. His body tensed and the murmuring stopped. Remus suddenly regretted ever wishing death upon himself. He didn't want to die at their hands. Had they taken him while he slept to finish the job?

Suddenly, a gentle hand was placed on his arm. He heard a deep, rumbling voice that was quite comforting, but Remus wouldn't fall for this trick. He knew better.

He kept to eyes closed.

The man said he wasn't in the confinement center. That was a lie. The man said they were going to help him. That was a lie. This was all a cruel joke.

Mentally preparing himself for pain, he was surprised when he began to feel his skin stitching itself shut, though that still hurt. Every time a jolt of pain shot through him though, he felt a gentle squeeze or the brush of a hand. It was comforting and yet alarming. No one had touched him tenderly in a decade. He didn't know what to make of it.

Still, maybe this man wasn't lying. They had healed him. He knew they had. His back was sore, but it wasn't on fire like it had been previously.

He heard a higher voice then, a woman's voice. She was talking and this time Remus listened. Potions, he needed to take potions. What if they were poison? Well .. Then .. He would go easy.

He didn't answer when she asked him to sit up though, however when he felt the hand brushing down his arm he shivered. Goose pimples rose on his flesh and when he heard the voice once more, he opened his eyes.

Remus knew, almost immediately, that this was either a really powerful dream, or real. Remus certainly couldn't dream up the stormy eyes we was looking into. They were a powerful gray and the way they stayed locked with his, never flinching, never turning cruel, reassured him.

And so, when this man asked Remus the question, he nodded and slowly began to get up. His ribs protested though and had him hissing in pain which had the man, the man with the stormy eyes, reaching out to assist him.

To _assist_ him. To assist _him_.

Remus didn't know what to make of it. He shot him a curious look, waiting for an answer that the man never gave. When he sat up fully though, he saw the other finally flinch away as he knew he would eventually.

Bringing his knees to his chest to protect himself, he took the potions when offered before he heard yet _another_ voice.

This one belonged to another woman with red hair and bright green eyes. They were lovely. She was asking him something, but his mind was too fogged for him to understand it.

And then there was _his_ voice again. Remus knew, in the back of his mind that he had introduced himself, but for the life of him he couldn't remember his name. He said no though, wanting to hide. Needing to hide.

When he said please though, sounding so earnest, Remus only had to think about it a brief moment before consenting.

Turning to the other two, he allowed Lily to apply the bruise salve to his skin. She was gentle, gentler than the other woman and she kept smiling at him. Remus liked her smile, he decided. Her hands were warm as she finished up and applied a bandage.

When she spoke again, asking if he'd like to rest, he responded with a nod, before she continued.

"You shouldn't walk until tomorrow, when we're sure you're better. Sirius is going to carry you, okay?" Sirius, his name was Sirius. He committed it to his memory before nodding his head.

Sirius was gentle when he picked Remus up. His arms strong but soft all at once. His whispered request had Remus' stomach twisting, in a good way, and he easily did as he was told. He liked the feeling of being held. It had been so long.

Before he had been bitten, before he had been taken from his family, Remus had been an affectionate boy. He clung to his fathers legs and his mother's skirts. He held hands, gave hugs, and enjoyed when his father would affectionately ruffle his hair. He missed it.

He had forgotten what it felt like until now. It was strange how affective human contact could be. Rushes of memories could be restored with just the tender brush of hands.

Floor after floor they traveled, Remus was hardly even jostled in his arms. When they seemed to reach the final floor, he looked up at Sirius, unsure of what was going on now. He just wanted to rest. Surely they had a hit of floor for him to rest on?

"All the rooms are full? Do you mind staying in mine? I'll sleep on the floor."

-he was offering Remus a room? Oh, and more than that, he was offering him a _bed_. Remus could remember his old bed. It was this rickety wooden thing with a lumpy mattress and blankets that depicted the solar system. It had been perfect.

He nodded, feeling safe enough with Sirius so far. Plus, how could he be cruel with that smile? Remus felt like he could sense cruelty. He could see it in people's empty eyes. It was like looking through a tunnel. There was nothing. Their smile though, their smiles told him that despite their empty eyes, there was something in them. Something vile and cold. Something they always took out on him.

Feeling himself being gently lowered onto a soft surface, he watched as Sirius moved away and felt the loss. His arms stayed around his neck as he looked up at him. Where was he going? He didn't want him to go.

He felt _safe_. Which was such an extraordinarily wonderful feeling and the thought of losing it so soon after gaining it was too much to bare. If only for another moment. Just to feel secure for another moment.

"Are you okay?" the brunette asked, setting a hand beside Remus on the bed and looking a little worried. _Worried_. About him. _Why_?

Shaking his head, he watched the other pause before asking, "Do you need something?" and again he shook his head.

The next stretch of silence was a bit longer. Remus looked at him, it would be easy to voice what he wanted but he was afraid. Afraid that his talking would bring this to an end. Afraid that it was a dream and making a sound would wake him.

"Do you want me to stay?" Sirius asked and Remus could only stare. He did want him to stay. He was scared. He didn't hurt so much anymore, at least not physically, but he was still sore. He had taken a beating. He was certain he would die.

..maybe this was his dying brains way of giving him a peaceful good-bye. By granting him, at least in his dreams, an illusion of rescue and safety. A person who seemed genuine and kind. With a deep soothing voice and careful hands. Hands that didn't hurt. Hands that tried to comfort him with gentle touches.

Trapped in his thoughts, he nodded after pulling himself out of it.

And then Sirius was pulling away and untangling his arms, disappearing into another room. Remus froze, not moving. He felt panicky and alarmed. He didn't know what to do. He felt scared. He was worried.

Sirius came back though and Remus watched him with wide eyes. He felt better, but still nervous. Watching as he slipped into the other side of the bed, he was surprised to find him moving closer.

Before Remus could make sense of it though, something was wrapping around him and he started to struggle against it. No, no, no he didn't want to go back. No. Please, Merlin, oh no.

Feeling the familiar arms wrap around him and pull him close, Remus was grounded by the warmth and feel of the other man.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay. Just blankets, to keep you warm, that's all. I promise." Sirius whispered and Remus relaxed. _Blankets_. Of course. Like his solar system bed spread. It had been so long and he was still on edge.

Resting his head on the others chest, he tensed when Sirius did, but then his hands were rubbing his arm and Remus was relaxing. His eyes already beginning to get heavy. Tomorrow he'd either be dead-or in this mad world that made no sense to him.

"Good night." Sirius murmured, unaware that Remus mouthed them back. Still afraid of his own voice.


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius awoke when the morning sun rose just high enough to slip through the blinds adorning his windows, landing on his face and slowly stirring him.

Gradually awareness came to him, he felt the warmth of the sunlight, the soft material of his blanket, and a heavy weight on his right side.

Blinking his eyes opened, he remembered last night and looked down. Remus was still at his side though he had shifted closer. His leg was lying over Sirius and his fingers curled into his pajama shirt. Like this, he was so unguarded. His angelic features were heightened as he turned his head into Sirius chest to hide from the sunlight. Sirius couldn't help but smile.

It seemed that Remus had formed a strange attachment to him, though Sirius found he didn't mind. He was endeared to the other, he wanted to help him. He looked like he was the same age as him. He wondered if things were different whether or not Remus would have attended school with him, James, Peter, and Lily. If they would have been friends. How long had Remus even been there? Had he ever properly learned magic?

Seeming to feel the eyes on him, Remus stirred slowly. Coming to consciousness as his senses picked up on the fact that he was not alone. Last night came rushing back to him, it was real. It was really _real_.

And so, when he looked up at Sirius, his eyes were wide and frightened once more. Sirius seemed to pick up on it though because he flashed Remus a warm smile and brushed his hand over his skin.

"It's okay. You're okay. I promise." and Remus believed him. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he waited a moment before pulling away and sitting up in the bed. He didn't ache as much as he usually did, though he was a bit sore from his wounds.

Glancing around the room since he had neglected to the previous night, he made a catalog it in his mind.

The walls were a deep red color, almost maroon.

On the wall to his left was the door that Sirius had disappeared through last night, and a wooden desk. The desk was cherry wood and it was littered with papers and picture frames. There was a stack of books to one side and inks on the other along with a variety on quills. Above it was a poster with the words 'Led Zeppelin' on it, though Remus had no idea what it meant.

Directly in front of him, on the wall opposite the large bed, was a door. It was directly in the center of it. To it's right was a wardrobe, to it's left a book case. Remus longed to go to it immediately. He used to love reading before they took it away from him. His father and mother often read with him. He wondered if he would feel connected to them if he picked up a book once more.

And finally, to the wall on the right, was a window, posters on either side. There was a window seat with gold cushions along with maroon and gold pillows.

When he finally turned back to Sirius, the man was smiling at him.

"Did you sleep alright? How do you feel?" he asked. Remus was still afraid of his own voice though so he just nodded.

Sirius had no idea if the other could talk. He hadn't made a peep since he had arrived. He had suffered in silence, answering only with nods.

"Can you speak?" Sirius asked curiously, and Remus didn't answer, looking down at his lap instead. He didn't want to lie, but he didn't want to be pressured to speak. It might ruin this.

Reaching out, Sirius placed his hand on his shoulder which startled Remus a bit who looked up at him.

"It's alright. It's fine." Sirius said, though a part of him was rather sad. He took his silence as an affirmation and he wondered if he'd ever be able to speak to the man without just receiving a nod or shake of the head.

Remus took a deep breath and nodded.

"Are you hungry?"

Remus was always hungry though he rarely ate. Nodding once more, Sirius smiled and slipped from the bed. Walking over to the wardrobe, and rummaging around for a good five minutes before returning.

Remus was much smaller than him. Sirius was all muscle and Remus was all bone.

"I hope these are alright." considering the dirty prison pants he was still wearing, they were better than alright.

This time, when he smiled, it was easier and it caused Sirius to become a bit brighter. It was a cause and effect sort of thing because pretty soon Remus was grinning and Sirius gave a chuckle.

"You should smile more often." he told Remus, "You've a brilliant one."

Remus couldn't remember the last time he had been complimented, let alone the last time he had truly smiled. He felt out of his element because for the past decade it had been fear and pain and submission.

He felt his cheeks grow hot and Sirius marveled at the blush and how pleased he felt for causing it.

"The bathroom is just through that door if you'd like to wash up." Sirius said, gesturing with his hand. Remus looked from him to the door, before hesitantly taking the clothes. He seemed almost scared.

Heading off into the bathroom, Sirius smiled. Taking his own clothes, and heading into one of the other bathrooms. He really needed a shower. He made sure to hurry up and get back before Remus was done.

After quickly washing and throwing his clothes on, he headed back too his own room, raking a hand through his hair. It seemed a lot of the other werewolves had been relocated to other houses. To safe houses in their own country, safe houses that provided a better living space.

Sirius didn't want the man in his room to go.

Entering his room, he was relieved to see that Remus was still in the bathroom. Deciding to look over some papers, he sat at his desk and waited.

There was no sound from the bathroom though and after 20 minutes, he began to grow worried.

Knocking lightly on the door, he heard a clatter. "Are you okay?" Nothing. "I'm coming in!"

Creaking the door open, scared of what he might find, he looked around before finally spotting Remus. The knock had startled him and he'd fallen into the tub. He quickly got out though, and Sirius realized he didn't know what to do.

How long had he been there?

Taking the clothes which had been put on the floor, he set them gently on the counter and turned to him.

"A shower would probably feel good after everything you've been through." Sirius said, trying not to insult him by making him aware of how little he knew.

Remus stood up and looked at him, eyes intently focused on what he was doing. Sirius could detect an intelligence behind them and he mourned the fact that it had been locked away in that wretched place.

Turning the knobs to start it, he gestured to the silver knobs and said, "The blue one is cold water, the red warm, if you need the water to be either of those things just turn them to the right." he said and Remus nodded, looking at the knobs instead of Sirius.

Sirius smiled. "Um, shampoo for your hair is over there. It really hurts if you get it in your eyes, more than other shampoos. I dunno why so be careful with that, and the soap for washing the rest of you is right there. Don't worry about turning it off when you're done. I'll get it."

Once more Remus nodded, and finally looked at Sirius, waiting.

"Oh. Right." Sirius said, feeling a flush rise to his cheeks. "I'll just-uh- I'll be out there." he told him before disappearing and returning to his desk.

Another twenty minutes went by before Remus emerged. If Sirius had marveled over his appearance yesterday, it didn't compare to this. His honey colored hair seemed to shine more. It wasn't dirty or matted anymore. It had a slight wave to it and it fell just over his amber eyes. His face was cleaner It was like what he had seen yesterday, but improved.

Sirius stared for a moment, until Remus shuffled his feet and blew a strand of hair out of his face. Sirius watch as his cheeks puffed up and his full pink lips formed an 'O'. Merlin, he was in trouble.

Clearing his throat, he stood up and smiled reassuring. "Hungry?"

Remus nodded, Sirius smiled and started towards the door with Remus following.

Sirius had carried him the night before and now Remus didn't know how to walk with him. Sirius moved with such grace, such elegance, it was hard to believe it was accidental.

Sirius also didn't seem aware of any problem and walked and talked easily, telling him about the safe house, what had happened to the crowd that had been here the other night-Remus hadn't noticed-and that everyone had gotten out alright.

Remus looked so relieved and Sirius smiled.

Entering the kitchen, he spotted Lily at the stove, James leaning on the counter by her side. He beamed when Sirius walked in, starting towards him.

"Oi! You wanker you didn't even check to see if I was alright."

Remus stayed in the hall, unsure of who the new voice belonged to.

"Lily said you were alright! I was taking care of people." Sirius insisted.

"How is he? That boy with the .. The .. Who was so hurt?" Lily asked, flipping a pancake and looking at Sirius.

"Can't you see for yourself?" he said, turning and was surprised when he didn't see Remus there. He had no idea what his name was either, so he couldn't exactly call him.

Poking his head into the hall, he was met with Remus warm amber eyes and Sirius immediately smiled. Reaching out he took the others hand, which startled him so much but Sirius was already tugging him into the kitchen so he didn't notice.

James, who hadn't seen Remus last night, simply smiled. "This is James and Lily." Sirius introduced.

"Pleased to meet you." James said as he took a step forward and stuck his hand out.

Remus didn't know what to do and so he just stared at him, gaze flicking between the hand and James' face and back again. Again, Sirius smiled, reaching out to take James' hand and shake it.

Remus picked up on it right away though James took his hand back with an off look on his face. He didn't know what to make of the odd man.

Lily was much more aware though and simply smiled at him. "I'm so glad you're feeling better!" she said, stepping forward to gently squeeze his shoulder and smile. Remus smiled back. He liked Lily.

"I was just making breakfast, would you like some?" she asked. Remus nodded as Sirius exuberantly said, "Oh bloody hell yes, Lils, bring on the pancakes."

Lily frowned at his behavior. Remus didn't like her frowning at Sirius though, but he held back. "Language, Black" she said, returning to the stove and pointing his spatula at him.

Sirius flashed her a cheeky grin and Remus felt a bit better about the ordeal.

Hand still in Remus', Sirius led him over to the table sitting down and gesturing for Remus to do the same, which he did.

Lily and James both noticed the strange behavior that had developed in a single night and didn't know what to make of it. Neither said anything.

"Orange juice, or apple juice, or tea?" Sirius asked as he poured himself so apple juice and looked at Remus.

Should he speak? Should he just answer?

"Oh, I'm sorry" Sirius said, looking flustered and Sirius shot him a confused look.

"For what?" James asked, blunt as ever.

"He can't talk." Sirius replied. Remus could though. He wanted to disagree, but he didn't. Not talking was safe. He was safe. If he didn't talk he could stay here. It was strange logic but he had led a strange life.

Lily shot a sympathetic look in Remus' direction and James simply barked out, "Why not?"

Lily gave him a stern look and Remus shut his mouth.

"He just doesn't, that's it." Sirius replied, feeling very overprotective of Remus at the moment.

James nodded and Lily came over the to the table with a platter of pancakes.

Sirius grinned, reaching out to grab one but Lily took the plate away. "Guests first." she said, and Sirius pouted but submitted.

"Would you like some pancakes-I'm sorry, what's your name? I could give you a pen and paper." Lily offered. Remus thought it would be nice for them to know his name so he nodded.

Setting the plate down, she walked over to a draw, pulling it out and grabbing a pad and a pen. Lily liked pens better than Quills.

Placing it down in front of him, Remus eyed the pen and picked it up. He fumbled a few times, before getting a proper grasp. Writing out Remus in print, his writing was a little messy but not too bad considering how long it had been.

"Remus." Lily read and Remus smiled and nodded.

Sirius practically grinned though, "Remus, eh?" he said as the man and question looked over at him. "I like that name."

Remus smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** I would just like to thank all the readers who reviewed the first few chapters of this story! It was excellent to get feedback and it really inspired me to write more! So, here's the next chapter, I hope you all enjoy it! Chapter Six will be coming to you shortly ..as soon as I proof read it. :D

* * *

Being that Headquarters was, in actuality, a residential housing unit that the Resistance had adopted, certain rooms in it had to be used for things other than what they were originally meant for. The dining room, for example, was not just a place to eat. It doubled as a meeting room, an emergency room, and an office. Dumbledore's office. And today was no different as the old man paced within, thinking over the previous night's activities.

Raids always took their toll. He knew that. Even after their initial success, a lot of work had to be put into making sure the escapees had places to go which was difficult in and of itself because not all of the escapees required the same things.

Take muggle-borns for example. They were taken from their parents when the Ministry became aware of their abilities and forced into the lower ranks of wizarding society. They were 'free' (if you could truly call it that) to live their lives within their own class, however those who disobeyed the strict laws set out for them were harshly punished. Not all rights extended to muggle-borns, after all. They weren't even technically citizens in the eyes of the law, unless said law was offering a particularly harsh sentence.

Since being a muggle-born was not, despite the Ministry's insistence, a disability of sorts, once they were rescued from captivity, setting them up elsewhere was easy.

Giants, trolls, centaurs and other magical creatures who stood out was another thing entirely. The same went for werewolves.

Werewolves suffered an excruciating transformation on a monthly basis and the scars received from said transformation could not be hidden. Therefore, despite their ability to blend in with society for a majority of the time, they had special needs.

Dumbledore had gone to great lengths to set up refugee camps and small villages for werewolves. If they were lucky, Dumbledore or another Resistance member were able to get to the lycanthrope before the Ministry did, but that wasn't always the case.

It hadn't been for any of the individuals rescued a day prior, Dumbledore thought with a pang of guilt.

The Resistance had taken great strides towards making a difference. Their position on the Magical Law Enforcement's Top Ten Most Wanted list said as much, but it was not enough. It would never be enough. The Resistance had to overthrow the Ministry, but it was difficult to get their foot in the door.

They had moles planted within the corrupt government, of course. Sometimes they were lucky to get a handful within a single office which certainly aided in their missions and what not. But, if the laws didn't change and change soon, Dumbledore feared what would become of their society.

Intellectually, he knew repressed people would almost always revolt. A revolution of epic scales could come to pass. There was an alternative however, but Dumbledore didn't fancy the complete suppression and/or extinction of the diverse populations of wizarding society.

As it was now, the monotonous social regime that was their society was becoming too dreadful to bear. Hearing ignorant, power hungry individuals spout ridiculous propaganda to turn different sects against one another made Dumbledore sick.

The elite reigned over the masses and the masses were too decentralized to fight against it.

Sighing, the aged man sat down in the chair at the head of the table and looked over the reports from last night.

Since it was a small facility, everyone had gotten out relatively unscathed and most of the werewolves that had been contained there were already placed in their new safe houses/communities. All except one, that was.

Dumbledore picked up the file that lay in a separate pile from the others. 'Lupin, Remus J.' was written in thick black letters on the tab. Frowning gently, his withered fingers opened the file and set to work reading it, trying to figure out the boy's history and where it would be best to place him.

* * *

Breakfast ended long after the food had run out. James and Sirius spent an hour mucking about, telling ridiculous jokes and stories while Lily shook her head and Remus sat back to take it all in.

He felt strange, being in this situation. Last night had been a whirlwind of colors and sounds. Mostly red-red for pain, red for anger, red forever. His mind, so focused on his agony, that is hadn't had time to catch up with the significance of it all. He felt sluggish, deluded in his desire for it to be true.

Sitting at the old table in the kitchen of the Resistance Headquarters only added to it. How could _this _be _real_? Digging his fingernails roughly into the palm of his hand, he tried to ground himself.

_Real. This is real_. He told himself gently, hoping the internal mantra would work.

However, try as he might, he kept getting distracted due to how different this all was for him.

The light was so bright in here, Remus thought mildly as Sirius let out another barking laugh, his jerking leg rattling the table in a way that had Lily frowning.

That was another thing. The expressions here-in the real world. There were _so many _of them-more than just anger and pain, more than the passionate desire to escape and the violent reaction to pain or the despondency that came from years of abuse.

There were smiles and laughter here. There was such a thing as _boredom_-if you could imagine that! There was a curiosity that Remus hadn't seen since he was a boy. The world was full of so many different things that he had grown unused to in his separation from the world.

Suddenly, it all became too much. Too much light. Too much sound. Too many people that were too close to him. He was too clean. Too full. Too, too much.

His nails dug deeper into his palm. He could feel his blood pooling there and slowly dripping out of his hand. Drip, drip, drip.

He needed something familiar even if everything that was familiar to him was unpleasant.

He needed the dark even though he feared it. The dark meant pain. The dark meant death. The fact that he found himself desiring it only served to confuse him more. It sent his already tumultuous mind through another loop and had his breathing picking up.

Lily, who was sitting beside the boy, picked up on it first when she noticed a puddle of an odd colored liquid forming beneath the leg of Remus' chair.

At first she thought that James or Sirius must have spilled something and she simply hadn't noticed. After scanning the table for the source of the spill and finding nothing though, she eyed the mysterious puddle once more. It had grown larger in her time spent searching and as such it was easier to identify ..as blood.

Gasping, Lily immediately reached out to Remus who hadn't expected the contact, lost in his thoughts as he was.

Letting out a horrible yelp in response, Remus leapt from his chair, scuttling away from the red head as fast as he could with wide, accusing eyes.

He liked Lily. He liked her kind eyes and warm smile. He liked her soft hands and her gentle touches. -But it was easy to sway his mind away from such things when he was in such a state. Reason gave way to his emotions and right now all his emotions were telling him to flee.

Warped became her pretty face until he couldn't see the concern in her features anymore, and that sent a shock wave of fear rushing through his body. Before anymore could even react properly he darted from the room.

Lily sat in shock, her hand still in the same place it had been before Remus had run. Her wide eyes shot from the place Remus had once been standing to the puddle of blood on the floor.

James, who had been in the middle of relaying a particularly brilliant Quidditch match to his friend, looked more confused than anything-uncertain of what had just happened and what he ought to do now.

Sirius was the first to respond, his chair scraping back startling the other two and pulling them back into the present.

"Bloody hell, Lily, what did you do?" he barked at the red head, who looked like she was either going to cry or throw up.

"I-I-I just-" she stuttered, brow furrowing in confusion because she hadn't actually done anything, had she? She just touched the boy!

"What do you mean, what's she done?" James retorted with an ugly frown.

"She was sitting next to him." Sirius snapped in response, as if that said it all.

"So?" hissed her husband, eyes narrowing.

"So who else would have been able to make him run like he'd just seen the bloody full moon?" was his response, as Lily managed to collect herself.

"I didn't do _anything_." Lily snapped, offended now that she had caught up to what was happening.

"-But-" Sirius made to cut her off but a stern look from the woman stopped him.

"I noticed a puddle ..on the floor." she began which had both James and Sirius opening and closing their mouths as they tried to make heads or tails of the statement.

"I thought something had spilled at first but when I took a closer look I noticed it was ..was ..blood! I just wanted to help but I must have, I don't know, startled him." she said, turning her green eyes on Sirius.

Logically Sirius knew that Lily hadn't meant any harm, but his attitude got in the way far too often to keep track of and this time wasn't any different. Scowling in response to her explanation, he left the room, his thigh hitting the table as he did causing the china on it to jump and clatter.

Hands curled into fists, Sirius stomped down the hall and tried to figure out where Remus was instead of focusing on the reasons why doing just that was so important.

* * *

Sirius honestly hadn't expected locating Remus to be an issue. When he stormed off in pursuit of the werewolf, he thought it would take five, maybe ten minutes, to figure out where he was in order to calm him down. The house was big, but it wasn't so big that he often found himself at a complete loss for an entire adult person. After checking the first two floors and turning up nothing, he began to grow worried.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck_." he hissed under his breath, raking a hand through his dark hair as he ascended another flight of stairs, nearly running into James in the process-who didn't seem too happy to see him.

"You really upset Lily." he informed Sirius, muscled arms folded over his chest as he glared out at his friend from behind his glasses.

Sirius made a noise in response, ripping open the nearest door and storming inside without another look at him. After a moment, James followed.

"Did you hear me?" the bespectacled man inquired, lips pursed tightly together as he arched a brow.

"_Yes_, I heard you." snapped Sirius in reply, "But I don't particularly care at the moment because, in case you haven't noticed, I have yet to find the person _she _upset." Dropping down to his knees at that, he peered under the bed and let out another noise in frustration. This was hopeless!

"God fucking damnit, where could he be?" Sirius shouted, kicking the bed post of a jolt of pain to shoot up his leg. Hissing in response, he hopped around on one foot, swearing under his breath.

Had the situation been different, James would have laughed. Anytime Sirius injured himself doing something completely idiotic, James refused to suppress the inevitable laughter that would bubble up in his throat.

However, this wasn't just about Sirius-nor was it just about Lily. As much as James thought Remus was a odd, as off putting as he found the other man, he knew that he had been through a lot and leaving him alone wouldn't do anyone any good. Least of all Sirius-which was becoming quite evident with his display.

"Alright, calm down, I'll take the next floor, you finish this one and we'll meet in the basement, yeah?"

And that's when it clicked for Sirius. The basement. Remus didn't know this house. He wouldn't have gone up, he would have gone down. His cell had been on the bottom floor after all. If he was looking for a place to hide, for familiarity, the basement would be it.

"James, you're a bloody _genius_!" he said, kissing his friend on the cheek in an exuberant manner before bursting from the room and barreling down the stairs-James followed once he got over his initial confusion.

* * *

Stone stairs. The stairs at the confinement facility had been made of stone. Uneven stones that were far too hot in the summer and absolutely freezing in the winter.

The stairs here were made of wood though. Remus noticed it as soon as the door to the basement swung open. The dank, mildewy smell that accompanied any underground room had drawn him to it.

Everything else was strange, but this wasn't. This was something he knew.

Except for the stairs.

Cautiously, he descended, shutting the door behind him which cast him into absolute darkness.

At once his muscles contracted, his entire body tensing as he whimpered in fear. The next move he made had him tumbling down the stairs. All the breath was knocked from his frail body and had his bandaged ribs screaming beneath their wrappings.

His breathing came in sharp gasps as he lay entirely still on the floor-the dirt floor-looking into the nothingness of the cellar. Black. Black. Everything black.

A feeling of vulnerability crept over him, growing thicker the longer he laid there. He was open to any sort of attack that might come his way.

Willing himself to move, he crawled as carefully and as silently as he possibly could to the nearest corner, folding in on himself once he was there and burying his face in his knees.

If _this_ was nothing than _he_ was nothing. Mr. Nothing. Mr. Nemo.

* * *

Sirius was panting by the time he reached the basment door. Not wasting a second, (though he really ought to have paid mind so he didn't startle Remus ..again), he flung the door open and descended the stairs sounding for all the world like an army of men as opposed to just one.

"Remus." he hissed into the darkness, feeling unsettled as his hand blindly groped for his wand. Once he located it, a quick 'Lumos Maxima' spell had the entire room lighting up.

Desperately scanning the dank basement, he was finally drawn to Remus' hiding place by a whimper. There squeezed between a bag of rice and a couple of crates of beverages was the missing werewolf.

Sirius felt a sense of relief wash over him as he immediately rushed over to the man and dropped to his knees.

He didn't think anything of reaching out to pull the boy too him, despite the fact that that was what had gotten them here in the first place. He was just too relieved to have found him that he didn't give it a second thought.

The moment his arms were around Remus though, the other reacted-violently.

Crying out, he struggled against the embrace, trying to push Sirius away but the other man held on.

"Remus-calm down-S'alright, s'me. Sirius." he said, trying to make his voice as soothing as possible, but it didn't quite work.

Remus protested vehemently, flailing his arms and legs and shoving Sirius until he finally managed to get the upper hand.

Sirius himself hadn't expected it, _at all_, and so he was taken completely off guard by the sudden assault, surprised that the smaller, injured man was able throw him off and pin him down.

Panting heavily, Remus' amber eyes seemed glazed-as if he was off somewhere else as he rested heavily on the other man. Once Sirius ceased his protests though, once the 'threat' was gone in Remus' eyes, he came back to himself just in time for James to appear.

"Oi! Get off him you!" he shouted as he came down the stairs, somehow managing to be even heavier on his feet than Sirius.

Remus felt a shiver run down his spine at the snarl in the other's words. It heavily reminded him of his previous home-if you could call it that. Immediately retreating, he fell back to the corner.

He didn't curl up this time though, despite his survival instinct telling him to do so. His learned reflex overrode the innate one that told him to make himself as small as possible. Instead, he stood with his back pressed into the corner-head down, shoulders hunched, palms facing outward.

James seemed a bit surprised at how effective his words were, blinking once-twice-three times before offering Sirius a hand up.

Sirius didn't accept it though. Slapping it aside and shooting James an annoyed look, he tentatively approached the delicate man in the corner which had the bespectacled man frowning.

"Remus-S'alright." he said, repeating the words he had used before. "James was just startled is all-same as you, yeah?" he tried in hopes of getting Remus to look up, but he remained stock still.

Sighing, Sirius let his eyes travel the length of the boys body, searching for any new injuries that might had occurred in the scuffle. It wasn't until he noticed the lacerations on his palms that he remembered what Lily had said.

Merlin, how the bloody hell had he managed to do that?

"What happened to your hands, Remus?" Sirius asked, though he didn't expect an answer and he wasn't disappointed.

"I'm just going to take a look, alright?" he said, putting his hands up in a gesture to make himself as least threatening as possible.

Taking a step forward then, he hesitated a moment-gauging the other's reaction before continuing. Remus didn't respond when Sirius took his limp hand in his own. He didn't make a sound as Sirius flexed the boy's arm to take a closer look at the wound. He didn't do anything.

Sirius frowned, letting out a hiss as soon as soon as he saw the extent of the damage. "We're going to need Lily again." he informed James, though he didn't look away from Remus' wounds as he spoke.

James nodded, though his face wore a thoroughly annoyed expression as he turned and left the basement.

Then it was just him and Remus.

"Listen, I'm sorry. Lily's sorry, we didn't mean to startle you. I don't know what happened and I know it'll be difficult to trust people after what you've been through, but we're the good guys Remus, okay? We're not here to hurt you, we're here to help-even if we startle you or something, yeah?" Sirius said, voice low and even, trying to lull the werewolf into a sense of security.

However, he was unresponsive this time which was strange. Last night they had brought him here half dead and he had responded to both him and Lily. Had they unwittingly lost that bit of trust with this episode? Small as it was. And if that was the case, if Remus was so prone to mood swings, what else was possible?

At once, Sirius felt horrible for doubting the man. He knew Remus wasn't to blame, of course, and he seemed harmless but he wasn't, was he? He had just overpowered Sirius, but he hadn't hurt him. What if James hadn't come down though?

A moment later, soft foot steps on the stairs signaled James' return and Lily's arrival. Lily shot Sirius a look, before going over to Remus, wand in one hand, medical bag in the other.

Remus flinched as she set the bag down, her wand coming into view . Squeezing his eyes shut, Lily frowned and gently took one of his hands in hers.

"I'm sorry." she said softly, relaying the same message Sirius had. "Next time, I'll try not to frighten you. I was just worried." she explained softly, examining the wound before casting a spell to gently stitch the skin shut. Remus didn't flinch this time.

Moving to the other hand then, Lily repeated the action in silence, shooting worried looks to the other two men as she finished and collected her things once more.

"Should we get Dumbledore? He's in the dining room." Lily asked in a low voice as she came to stand beside James who was eying Remus carefully before nodding his head.

Sirius frowned at the decision, but nodded as well.

James and Lily left once more to retrieve their Leader, leaving them alone once more.

Giving Remus one final look, he hopped up on the nearest crate, carding a hand through his head. Remus remained an uncomfortable statue in the corner.

A minute went by before the other three joined them, Dumbledore stepping forward to examine the boy himself.

"Son, are you alright?" he asked softly, trying to will Remus to look at him,

"Your name is Remus, correct? Remus John Lupin?" he tried again, hoping for some reaction, but he received none.

"Are you hurt? Lily informed me you had suffered a few injuries." he said, his tone gradually becoming one that one would use to calm a small child or hurt animal.

Waiting a brief moment for a response he never received, Dumbledore eyed the young man before reaching out a hand and gently placing it on his shoulder. "Come, my boy, we have much to talk about."

And with that Remus was gently led away from the basement, leaving behind a very unsettled Sirius who frowned after the pair.


	6. Chapter 6

"It couldn't have been _that _bad." Peter said, a shower of nibbled biscuit crumbs only adding a disgusting sort of oomph to his response to James' tale of Remus' episode earlier that morning.

Really, Sirius thought, it only drew the listeners attention away from his words ..and him all together.

Sirius certainly grimaced and turned his head away slightly because of it. Of course, being the center of attention had James leaning forward despite it.

"Oh. It was bad." the messy haired man insisted, pushing the subject further than he ought to have.

"He was just frightened." Lily argued in return, pushing a lock of her vivid red hair behind her ear. "I mean-think about it. All of this must be so overwhelming for him. It's all still so new to him."

Inwardly, Sirius thanked her for her boldness-if pointing out the obvious was now a bold thing to do. With a thickheaded husband like Lily's though, it just might. He should know too-After all, he had to room with the bloke for seven years.

Plus, Sirius knew for a fact that she still felt bad for being the initial cause of Remus' little episode. She hadn't actually done anything wrong, but she had been the stimulus and that alone made her feel guilty enough.

Not like James. James wasn't a bad person by any means. He was just a bit thick. The strange part about all this though was that in any other situation, Sirius would have been sitting right beside him, nodding his head along to the story and interjecting at random intervals to make it seem worse than it actually was. Lily was always on her own in bringing them down a notch. That was her job, not Sirius'.

This time was different though. Maybe it was because Remus had taken a liking to him above anyone else (or, well, at least he had last night). Or maybe it was because Remus was around their age and the fact that his life had been so devastatingly affected by the Ministry touched a chord he saw reflected within himself. If there was a confinement or containment or any other awful facility for disobedient pureblood heirs he was certain his parents would've shipped him off there.

The list was endless really. There was a plethora of possible reasons for Sirius' odd behavior, but whatever it was, it had Sirius' hackles up whenever James started mouthing off about it.

"Yeah, well, tons of people get frightened without slashing their hands open, running for cover in the basement, and freaking out whenever anyone comes near them." came James' response.

Which, in turn, had Sirius' hands curling into fists, his jaw clenching tightly with suppressed rage-a motion Lily noticed out of the corner of her eye.

"Yes, _well _James, I think it's safe to say that _those_ sort of people also haven't been lock up for over half their lives, being treated like animals with no regard what so ever for their well being." Sirius said, his tone nice, calm and even which was, in actuality, a tad more frightening than if he had just raised his voice.

Peter, for his part, flushed at the comment, shoving the rest of the biscuit in his mouth in order to have time to think of an adequate reply.

Though really, Sirius thought, chewing hadn't stopped his mouth from running away from him before so what was so different now?

"You've got a case of foot in mouth disease mate, lets give thinking before we speak a go, yeah?"

James looked at once amused and affronted by his friend's last statement, raising a brow at him in response before he got around to replying.

"I'm sorry-_I_ need to think before I speak?" James asked, his mouth twitching as if it desperately desired to pull up into a smile but something was holding back.

"Ay."

"Uh-do you at all recall the incident with Debbie Spinson?" was James' next response which almost had Sirius smiling a bit despite himself. Damn James for knowing him far too well. Right now, he was a bit too angry to give in to the playful ribbing.

Before he could reply though, James' look of amusement turned into shock. Sirius furrowed a brow, vaguely wondering if it was possible to spontaneously grow a second head since the look on James' face was beginning to convince him it was.

However, in the next moment, when he felt warm arms wrap around his midsection and a face press into his back, he realized what the look was for. He also realized who was now clinging to him. Remus.

_What the hell?_

An hour ago Remus had him pinned to the ground, and not at all in a good way. An hour ago Remus was blatantly ignoring any and all of Sirius' attempts for contact. And yet here he was, clinging to him as if his life depended on it.

Merlin, he hadn't even known the man for a day and he was already taking him on a rollercoaster of emotions.

Hesitantly, he placed his hand over one of Remus', gently smoothing his thumb over the bare skin of the werewolf's wrist in what he hoped was a soothing gesture.

"Feeling better?" Sirius asked, not making any movements since he wasn't sure how Remus looked at the moment and thus unsure of how he'd react.

"We're so sorry for startling you," Lily added in a desperate tone then, leaning forward in hopes of catching even the briefest movement. She received it in the form of a small nod, which had relief washing over Lily's features and sweeping through Sirius' body. Thank goodness.

Gently detangling the werewolf from his waist then, he turned slightly to get a better look at him. Sirius was shocked to find that despite his more agreeable disposition, he actually looked worse off than he had before.

"You alright?" he asked then, lowering his gaze to catch Remus' eyes, the boy looked down and shook his head. Frowning, Sirius sat on the arm of the nearest chair and tried to figure out what he was supposed to do.

Remus had just shunned him and now he was back, but his responses left him with little more than his silence did.

Remus seemed afraid to stray from Sirius however, moving closer to him as soon as he stepped away. Sirius chuckled a bit, which drew Remus' eyes to him.

Seeming to forget that there were other people in the room, Sirius sat in the arm chair and raised a brow at the fair haired man.

"Right then, c'mon." he said softly, motioning for Remus to join him. He had expected Remus to sit beside him, but instead he climbed into Sirius' lap, wrapped his arms around his neck and buried his face in his shoulder.

Peter all but choked on the water he was drinking, his brows shooting up to disappear beneath his hairline. Peter had never been good with things that fell outside of his deemed social norms. Sometimes he even looked uncomfortable when James and Sirius hugged. So seeing his boyhood friend with another man in his lap must've come as a shock to the shorter man.

Admittedly, Sirius himself found the action confusing on a number of different levels. The most obvious being that he had no idea what had brought about the change in Remus. However, it seemed to stir a reaction in him that had him puzzled. Sirius had, of course, realized he found other men attractive, but finding someone attractive and being attracted to them were two different things entirely. Why was if then that he found the line between them blurring more and more?

Oh, great, and now Peter looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach. The sickly expression on the chubby man's face led Sirius astray from such thoughts. Bloody hell, Pete could go to hell for all Sirius cared. James didn't look much better though. His friends lips had pursed into a thin line, eyeing the werewolf cautious before his gaze darted to Sirius, Lily, and back.

Ah. So that was it. James was worried. James, as difficult as he could be sometimes, also tended to be quite transparent at times.

It was only after Sirius shook his head at him, that he realized he had yet to respond to Remus' gesture. Only the stiffening of the body in his lap drew his attention to the fact and had him wrapping his arms around him.

At once Remus relaxed, his fingers curling into Sirius' robes as he buried his head in the crook on his neck.

Clearing his throat, James raised a brow at Sirius before his eyes fell to Remus. "Alright then, mate?" he asked, though the way he said it seemed to negate the ending term of affection and had Lily sighing unhappily at him.

Remus grew tense once more and only after Sirius smoothed a hand down his arm and murmured something softly in his ear did he calm.

"He's formed an unnatural attachment to you." Peter stated with all the subtly of a Crucio Curse.

Sirius scowled in response, growling a bit as his anger bubbled over. The noise had Remus pulling himself closer to his body, tucking his head under Sirius' chin in order to maximize their contact.

Shrinking back due to the somewhat violent response, Peter sunk down in his chair and turned his pleading, wide eyes to James.

"Oi, back out Sirius!" James said, coming to the defense.

"Well-he didn't need to talk about Remus like he wasn't even here." Lily responded in a loud whisper. James frowned.

"What's it matter? S'not like he can talk."

"Can sure as hell understand though, can't he?" Sirius barked, causing Remus' knuckles to turn white as they gripped the material tighter. Great, just what the werewolf needed to be caught in the middle of-a fight.

"Sh. Sh." Sirius murmured, smoothing his thumb over Remus' knuckles. Remus relaxed a bit, but remained tense in his lap.

Dumbledore came sweeping into the room then-his bright blue eyes scanning the area before they landed on the two men sitting in the arm chair.

"Ah. I see I have my answer." the white haired man said softly, tugging the end of his beard lightly and offering Sirius a small, knowing smile that had the dark haired wizard feeling unsettled.

"What answer?" he asked immediately in reply.

"Well-when I inquired if our young Master Lupin would be interested in relocating since I was laboring under the assumption that his episode this morning derived from being uncomfortable here-he fled the dining room." he replied.

"-surprise, surprise." James grumbled under his breath, but Sirius was too focused on Dumbledore to shoot him a withering glare. Lily took care of that for him.

"I'll take the fact that he fled to find you for comfort as him not wanting to leave." Dumbledore finished, eyes twinkling as Remus shifted in Sirius' lap, his body relaxing a bit more.

"You don't have an issue with this, do you?" the older man asked then, raising a brow at Sirius who merely shook his head.

"Brilliant. Well, it's settled then. Welcome to your new home, Mr. Lupin!"

Sirius smiled down at the man in his lap-only to realize that the werewolf had fallen asleep. Chuckling softly, he murmured "Welcome home Remus."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: **Once again I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to review this story! The feedback is greatly appreciated and it certainly inspires me to keep writing! So you guys keep reviewing and let me know what you think!

* * *

Sirius Black could honestly say that he had never truly had an average life. As far back as he could remember, things had always been a bit ..off, a bit ..strange.

Born the heir to the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, he was a misfit from the very beginning. Oh, he certainly looked the part with his handsome features-but that was about it, and even that changed when he began Hogwarts.

His parents, like most of the other Pureblood families, wanted money and power. The Ministry offered them both. His father had a finger in every pie. He could easily rid his record of offenses such as illegal trade, human trafficking ..murder.

Most purebloods could though. The laws did not apply to them and they certainly took advantage of it. They believed in all this garbage-as if inbreeding somehow made them better than those of mixed blood-as if diversity was a disease that needed to be stomped out of existence.

Individuality was unheard of, as was a son who didn't obey their rules. A son who broke every single one of them, in fact. A son named Sirius.

Sirius was trouble from the minute he was brought into this world, or at least that's what his mother said. She cursed the day he was born, claimed he was a curse on their house and had never been much good to anybody. Sirius had happily agreed with her up until the moment he ran away and was promptly disowned. The fact that he found humor in her anger, had only served to further the hatred Walburga Black felt towards her eldest child.

The funny thing was though, her younger son wasn't much different from her eldest. Not that she would ever know anything of the sort. Regulus was a softer version of Sirius in every aspect: looks, personality, beliefs.

However, this tenderness of heart did not allow Regulus to follow in his brother's footsteps. He lacked the boldness required to break entirely from his family and the support they offered.

He didn't believe muggle-borns were inferior. He didn't think magical creatures needed to be contained. He harbored no ill will towards werewolves (well-save a nasty few like Fenrir Greyback-and, well, to be honest, even werewolves who had never harmed anyone still scared him just a bit). He was against the Ministry, but he didn't utter a word of it to anyone except his brother.

Sirius had always urged Regulus to speak out. He wouldn't be alone if he did. Sirius would always be his brother, would always be there for him. Regulus' response had always the same though.-He'd look down, wring his hands together nervously, nibble at his lower lip and nod his head before murmuring 'I suppose so. Maybe.' However, Sirius knew what maybe meant. Maybe meant no.

When Sirius finally left the family for good, he tried to keep in contact with his younger brother, but his mother ensured that he was cut off. Sirius was a poison and he would not infect the only son she had left.

The last he'd heard of his brother, Regulus was due to be working in the Unspeakable Department of the Ministry come this fall. His heart had clenched painfully in his chest at the notion. His brother had become his enemy.

Strange. And yet, today had been far stranger than that-much more difficult to comprehend too. After all, in a way, Sirius had always expected him and his family to eventually part ways. With Remus though, he didn't know what was coming next.

After Dumbledore had bid them good night, Sirius was left with three pairs of curious eyes on him. It wasn't often that people looked to him for answers. Sirius tended to be the comic relief, not the leader. Unless he was the leader of some form of comic relief, but that was another story entirely.

When James raised a brow and parted his lips to speak, Sirius beat him to it.

"Must be exhausted after today, I'm going to put him to bed. See you lot." and with the dip of his head, he got to his feet with Remus still in his arms and carried the slumbering werewolf off to bed.

Which was where he was now.

They had shared a bed last night, but Sirius was a bit worried about the appropriateness of it now. He flip flopped constantly when it came to how he felt for Remus and he worried what might happen if he startled Remus again.

Instead of immediately joining him, he perched himself on the window seat and shifted between staring at the slumbering man and staring out the window.

On one such shift, from the window to the bed, he was met with a pair of wide amber eyes peering out at him from beneath the duvet. Sirius jumped a bit in surprise, before a warm smile touched his lips.

"Ah, you're awake." he said needlessly, feeling a little stupid for filling the silence with such an unnecessary statement. Obviously he was awake. Sirius inwardly scolded himself before rising to his feet and perching himself on the edge of the bed.

Remus slowly let the covers slide, sitting up a bit in the bed to get a better look at him.

"I don't know if you remember, but Dumbledore said that-well, that is, if you'd like to-he said that you can stay here." Sirius informed him softly to which Remus nodded.

"And-if you'd like-you can have your own room. There are a lot here."

Remus furrowed a brow at that, lips pulling down in a frown which had Sirius rushing to elaborate.

"-I mean, if you want, or we could continue to share. I don't mind either way."

Remus leveled him with a gaze, opening his mouth as if to speak before snapping it shut and nodding.

"So, you want to stay?" he asked softly. Remus nodded. Sirius smiled. "Settled then."

Crawling over to his side of the bed, Sirius said beside his new room mate, staring at the door across from them and basking in the silence for a moment.

"I wish you could talk." Sirius said softly, looking at Remus out of the corner of his eye before continuing. The other man seemed to struggle with the statement, but Sirius powered on.

"It'd be nice, but I don't mind. That you can't talk that is. I'm sorry about James before. He's just protective is all. Once he gets to know you, he'll do the same to anyone he thinks might hurt you. Not that he thinks you'll hurt me because of your condition or anything-not that there's anything wrong with that-I mean-" Sirius said, his quiet sentiments turning into a wild ramble that began to include some nonsensical hand gestures.

Remus found it rather amusing though. His lips pulling up into a genuine smile as Sirius tried to backtrack and only succeeded in digging a bigger hole for himself.

He knew, of course, that he ought to let Sirius know that he could, in fact, speak. He felt bad for lying, but he didn't know what to do. Had he only been here for one day? It felt like so much longer. Talking wouldn't take any of the time spent here back. He knew that logically. However, he couldn't help but feel that it might somehow ruin things. He wasn't sure how or why, but there was this gnawing feeling in his gut telling him that it that it would.

Maybe it was because it had been ingrained in him not to speak for fear of punishment. Or maybe it was simply easier or more comfortable for him. He wasn't quite sure.

All he knew was that he loved the flush coloring Sirius' cheeks right now. He watched the man's hands move about as he rambled on about equality and its importance. Remus wasn't sure how he had gotten around to the topic, but smiled none the less.

Waiting a few seconds more, Remus finally reached out to gently grab the other's hand and offered him a warm look that said it was alright. Sirius let out a breath of relief.

"Foot in mouth, yeah?" Sirius murmured under his breath with a shake of his head.

Remus hesitated a moment before leaning over and resting his head on his shoulder.

He could talk. Right now. He could respond to Sirius. He could tell him that he didn't mind, that he liked the sound of his voice. Apologize for his actions earlier.

Remus really did feel terrible for them, after all. He wasn't sure what it was that had frightened him so much. All he knew was that something had and he had withdrawn into himself entirely. So much so that trying to recall the exact details was nearly impossible.

Yet, Sirius seemed to have forgiven him. He really should tell him. Should speak. But he didn't. He kept the illusion and instead leaned against Sirius who chuckled and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Not having to say anything was so much easier and after spending the last decade having to endure such hardships, he wasn't ready to let it go yet. He would, and soon, but just not yet.

"I dunno what you've been through, Remus, but I promise that it won't happen again. We're friends now, yeah? Me and you. I'll make sure it doesn't. Cross my heart."

And with that simple sentence, Remus' heart swelled so much it ached in his chest. He felt his eyes brim with tears, but he nodded instead of letting them fall. Wrapping his arms around Sirius' waist, he squeezed him tight to convey what he was feeling. He knew this was stupid, actually trusting someone. People he trusted tended to either let him down or die. He had only known Sirius for a day, but he had attached himself to him. It was hard to say whether he would have done the same to James or Lily if they had been the first people he saw upon waking up out of that awful place. Something about Sirius made him feel safe though.

Sirius chuckled softly in response, carding his fingers through Remus' hair. Merlin, that felt good. It felt amazing to be touched without the lingering fear of pain behind it. Sirius' hands did not bruise, they soothed. Sirius was a remedy, a cure, the one truly good person Remus had ever met aside from his parents.

* * *

After that first day, Remus began to grow more accustomed to his new life.

It was hard, at first, but he tried to will himself to adjust. It wasn't a bad adjustment, just one that was difficult to make after spending years in the facility. He wasn't used to being touched which was what threw him off the most. The only person that was able to touch Remus no matter what was Sirius.

Sirius was the one person Remus truly trusted. Maybe it was because he spent every waking and sleeping moment with him. He knew it was unwise for him to be growing so attached to another person in such a short span of time, but he had been alone for years. The fact that he had a companion now was absolutely amazing and he was grateful for him everyday.

Everything about Sirius soothed Remus. His voice. His touch. His warm smile. His bright eyes. He loved the way he laughed and the small, reassuring touches he bestowed upon him throughout the day. He loved how the other man was gradually learning to read him and anticipate his needs. He loved that he willingly took care of him.

And Remus took care of him in return. Sirius seemed surprised by this at first. When Remus would pull the blankets over the other when he thought he was asleep, when he would bring him a cuppa or something to eat, when he would turn the lights up as he read or set up the bathroom for him to shower after Remus was done. The warm smile that greeted him with every small gesture made it all worth while.

Remus found he rather loved Sirius.

He was also rather fond of Lily. He felt bad for scaring her that first day. After the fact, Lily seemed hesitant to approach him, but by the weeks end she seemed to be over it.

Once she was, she rather took to Remus. She talked to him about everything under the sun, which Remus appreciated. Sometimes he longed to respond, but he bit his tongue. He knew he'd have to speak eventually. He couldn't remain silent forever, especially with it become harder and harder to keep his mouth shut. When he did talk though, he wanted to first person to hear him to be Sirius.

Sirius deserved that much, he figured.

It was about two weeks after his arrival that Sirius came bounding into their shared room with a brilliant smile on his face.

Remus, who had recently taken to reading everything he could get his hands on (after Sirius had noticed him staring longingly at his book case and offered him the tomes to read), looked up with a bemused expression.

"We're going out, Moony!" Sirius announced, using the new nickname he had given Remus with such ease that it almost seemed as if he'd been calling him it forever-as if he had known him forever.

Remus merely raised a brow in response, waiting for more. They hadn't left the house yet, which Remus was grateful for. He liked living here. It was big enough to not feel stifled in, but small enough to not feel lost in. Plus, adjusting to one place was hard enough without adding the outside world into the mix.

Sirius' sudden decision seemed a bit odd, but the raven haired man looked tickled pink with the idea so Remus waited.

"I figured, since we're always cooped up here, we'd go visit James and Lily, yeah?" Sirius knew Remus was fond of the red head so he was unsurprised when Remus responded with a bright, if somewhat hesitant, smile.

"They don't live very far and we can floo over." he explained, flopping down beside Remus. The mattress springs rebelled against the sudden additional weight, jostling Remus as a shock went through them.

Remus, who couldn't quite recall what floo was, simply nodded once more in response, all the while biting his lip. But Sirius, having spent the last two weeks in constant contact with the other man, knew what Remus' response really meant. It wasn't too difficult to figure out either. His head said one thing, but he really meant something else entirely. As such, Sirius tried to think up some way to get him to feel comfortable going.

Remus would have to eventually go out into the world. Maybe not anytime soon, not only because of the years of trauma he had endured, but also because it was not very werewolf friendly at the moment. Still, this house could not be where Remus resided forever.

There was also the small fact that Sirius was going stir crazy from being cooped up here. He hadn't realized that when he agreed to let Remus stay here, that he was also agreeing to be his watcher. He didn't mind, of course! But sometimes he longed for the freedom to up and go. Sirius did not like being tied down, but he had tried to get around that to make sure Remus was alright.

But now, right now, he wanted to get out of this house and in order to do that he had to convince Remus to come as well.

"If you don't like it, I promise we'll come right back, yeah?" Sirius offered, gray eyes beseeching Remus to nod that pretty little head of his which, eventually, he did. Sirius absolutely lit up in response.

"Brilliant! I'll give them a fire call and let them know! We'll leave in like," consulting his wrist watch, "an hour, good?" Once more Remus nodded, watching Sirius' retreating form as he left the room and suddenly feeling very unsure about the whole ordeal.

One hour later, Sirius was nearly bouncing off the walls and Remus had withdrawn, just a bit. It was his fail-proof defense mechanism, a way to feel safe. He knew Sirius hadn't lied and certainly would make an excuse for them to leave if Remus felt uncomfortable, but he didn't want to let the dark haired man down. He wanted Sirius to be happy and not resent him for being the way he was.

Remus was aware that he was not normal, not in the least bit. It was something he had always known though. It just was becoming more and more apparent with each passing day. In the facility, he hadn't stood out because all of the people locked up there were the same. Out here though, he was impossible to miss.

As if being sickly skinny wasn't enough, he was covered in scars-or layered in clothing to cover said scars. His eyes were an almost unnatural shade of amber which contrasted sharply with his pale skin. To top it all off, he didn't speak and had violent reactions to normal situations. Strangers made him grow so tense his muscles ached for days after. Being addressed directly by someone unfamiliar sent him in a frenzy. He could not interact with other people because he had never learned how to. It was an art form and he was barely even an apprentice of it.

Sirius, however, was a master. He spoke with such ease, his voice rich and warm-it sent tingles down Remus' spine. His movements spoke only of natural grace, his limbs moving fluidly without pause. His facial expressions were divine and terribly revealing, even when no one else could read them he could. If anything, Remus was at least an apprentice in the art of understanding one Sirius Black. It was about the only thing he was good at.

Tugging down the sleeves of the thick sweater he had pulled on, he shifted nervously from foot to foot as Sirius finally settled down enough to tug his boots on. They were big and clunky, totally unlike Sirius' character and yet somehow fitting. Looking up at Remus through the fringe of his dark hair, he smiled at the other man causing Remus to at once feel reassured and nervous.

"S'alright." he murmured, using the warm, gravely tone the other reserved for times like these. Remus' wide amber eyes blinked owlishly at Sirius as the dark haired man rose to his feet. Softening his smile, Sirius reached out to gently tuck a strand of the others hair behind his ear. "I promise, s'alright."

Remus swallowed the nervous lump in his throat and nodded, his hand desperately seeking out one of Sirius'. When it finally made contact and he laced their fingers together, he sighed with relief and let his eyes flutter shut.

Peace.

He took several more deep breaths before his wide eyes opened once more to find Sirius watching him closely. Flushing a bit in turn, he gave the man a jerky nod as Sirius smiled.

"Normally, people floo one at a time." Sirius said, holding tight to Remus' hand as he led him down the now familiar hall to the sitting room. "However, the fireplace is big enough for two, and you're small enough to fit with me-plus, you need to be able to speak in order to use the system so you're going to need me." his voice was comforting as Remus numbly listened to it. He was too busy focusing on the beat of his heart-picking up with every step, and the weight of Sirius' hand in his. The other squeezed his sporadically. His voice getting softer for a brief moment as he did.

By the time they reached their destination, Remus had been lulled to a quiet calm. His eyes nearly glazed over as he looked at Sirius who was still speaking.

As if realizing Remus wasn't quite listening, Sirius shook his head before feigning hurt. "Oi, not listening to me Moony, I could be saying really valuable things you know." he said, tapping the man's nose and raising a brow. Remus couldn't help himself then, he had to smile. One of his rare smiles reserved solely for Sirius and-sometimes-Lily.

"Ah. There he is." Sirius murmured, his teasing tone dropped in favor of a serious one. "There's my Moony." Remus flushed at the statement, dropping his eyes as Sirius gave a soft chuckle before gently tugging him towards the fireplace.

Remus' eyes grew wide, wishing fervently that he had paid more attention to Sirius' words instead of his actions. Fire was bad. It burned. It hurt. But there was no fire in the fire place at the moment.

Feeling the pull of resistance, Sirius looked back at Remus, who was wildly searching the fire place for ..something. The taller of the two couldn't figure out what.

"See now Remus, if you had just listened!" he teased, though a small alarm bell was going off that this might be trouble. Sirius was getting better at talking Remus down from panic attacks, but once they set in it was much, _much_ more difficult to snap him out of it.

"To floo, we need floo powder." Sirius repeated himself from earlier, though this time he was able to gesture to the pot of powder beside the fireplace, "and a fire place. Houses on the floo network are connected through them. All we have to do it take a handful, throw it in the fireplace and state where we want to go and it takes us there." That was simple enough to understand, right? Remus nod and the clear comprehension written across his face said as much.

"Now, there will be green flames, but they won't burn. They're magicked, yeah?" Once again Remus nodded, though he seemed nervous still.

"And I'll be right there with you. Remember, we're going together." Sirius said, squeezing the other's hand once more before closing the distance between them and the fire place and putting his words into action.

Of course, nothing could prepare Remus for the reality of floo travel. While most people thought it was preferable to apparation, at least when it came to how it made one feel, Remus didn't have a firm memory of either to use.

Therefore when they arrived at the Potters, Sirius was together as he usually was and Remus was hacking up a lung. Sirius hadn't told him not to inhale, something he looked sheepish about now as an alarmed Lily rushed over with a glass of water.

"There you are love, that's it, take a sip." she said, pressing the glass into the werewolf's hand and sighing as he did as he was told.

"I, er, forgot to mention to not open your mouth." Sirius said, sheepish expression still in place as he looked at Remus.

Lily sighed and shook her head, "Not at all put together, this one." Lily said since Remus couldn't, "I swear, if his head wasn't attached to his body he'd even forget that sometimes!"

Remus felt a small smile tug at his lips as the red head used the bottom of her apron to wipe the soot from his face.

"I would not!" Sirius replied, rather affronted, "My face is my best feature."

Lily snorted and Remus pursed his lips together to hold back a chuckle as he looked over at his friend. Lily was still busy mothering him and Sirius couldn't help but shake his head and shoot him a wink-reveling in the pink flush that came over the other man's own handsome face.

"Keep talking like that, Black, and it won't be for long." came a familiar masculine voice from the hallway. A moment after, James appeared-a butterbeer in one hand and half a sandwich in the other.

"How's life been with this one then, mate? Driving you nutters?" James asked, Sirius opened his mouth to respond before he realized that the question was directed at Remus. Sirius felt warmth blossoming in his belly at the notion that James was finally beginning to like Remus!

Remus himself seemed a little surprised, his eyes flicking over to Sirius before returning to James. In a gesture that was utterly Remus then, he raised his brow, pursed his lips together in a very serious manner, and nodded his head.

James let out a loud laugh then, clapping Remus on the shoulder with a "Good one, mate! Priceless."

Remus, of course, flinched, but he steeled himself against it. For Sirius. Sirius. He was going to be alright here because he was going to make Sirius happy, maybe even proud of him.

Sirius tensed as did Lily when James' hand made contact with the other man. He had never touched Remus before, but it seemed James was warming up to the werewolf. And the werewolf to James.

Lily shook her head once more and said in a rather loud whisper to Remus, "Right and the two of us will both go absolutely bonkers from having to put up with the two of them."

Remus, uncharacteristically, let out a snort of laughter that had Sirius letting out a bark of his own and James renewing his own semi-obnoxious laugh in full.

Lily sighed dramatically and gave a Remus a look as if to convey just how right she was. He felt full and warm as he returned it.

"Yes, well then, you loons stay here, talk about Quidditch or whatever it is you do when I'm not around. Me and Remus will be in the kitchen!" and after flicking her hair over her shoulder, Lily took Remus by the hand and led the way to the kitchen.

Remus raised a brow at Sirius who merely shrugged in response, though his smile was warm and reassuring.

The living room faded behind them as he was led down a hallway, one that was much brighter than those at Headquarters.

"I'm so glad you decided to come! Normally when Sirius comes round, it ends up with the two of them drinking, reminiscing, and getting into trouble. I'm so glad I have someone of sound mind here with me. I could use a mate of my own, you know." Lily said, her voice sweet to Remus' ears. He wasn't around too many females so, even though hearing such a higher voice was a change, it was a welcome one.

Nodding his head along as she spoke, he felt relief when she released his wrist as they entered the kitchen. As soon as they had, the red head headed over to the cupboard to pull out two butterbeers.

Remus, who had never seen the beverage before, merely frowned at it. Lily herself, popped the caps off both bottles and offered the second to Remus before she caught his speculative look. Raising a brow, a delighted smile crossed Lily's lips. "You've never had a butterbeer before, Remus?" she asked, voice incredulous.

Remus didn't see what the big deal was, but the way Lily made it sound it was as if he just revealed he'd never learned how to breathe ..or speak. He frowned at the thought.

"Oh, you, quit making that face. It's delicious! Come on then, give it a sip." she insisted. Remus found it hard to resist such a sincere smile and so he did.

And it was .._heavenly_.

Remus truly was a creature of his senses. In the containment center, it was all he had. He didn't have his voice. He didn't have his freedom. But he had himself-his senses-his feelings. It was easy to give himself over to them and so he allowed it.

Smacking his lips together, he darted his tongue over the lower one to collect the rogue drops of liquid that had collected there before closing his eyes and taking another sip. He let out a contented rumble as the warm liquid coated his tongue and invaded his senses. He could feel it slid down his throat, warming his esophagus in the process. He felt absolutely _divine_. By the time it reached his stomach, he was curling his toes and a slow, sweet smile was spreading across his face.

When he blinked open his eyes once more, Lily was simply grinning at him but it was Sirius, who had come in sometime during the ordeal, who caught his eye.

Sirius was standing stock still in the doorway. His lips slightly parted in surprise and his already large gray eyes even wider as he all but stared at Remus. Remus couldn't put a finger on the look the other man was giving him. It made him nervous ..but not in a bad way which was something Remus was wholly unfamiliar with. He felt his cheeks flushing once more and a timid smile tugging at his lips as he thrust the butterbeer towards Sirius in explanation.

Lily, who seemed a bit surprised by Sirius' reaction as well, lit up all the more when she finally snapped out of it. A knowing look took hold of her features as her clever green eyes darted between the two men which made Remus uncomfortable. Being kept in the dark, both literally and figuratively, never sat well with Remus.

Ignoring the tension that had broken out between him and Sirius, he crossed the room to where the dark haired man stood and reached out to grab his hand. The gesture had Sirius flashing a tender smile at the man and had the butterflies in Remus' stomach coming back in full.

"I'll take it that means you rather like it?" Lily asked, a smug smirk on her face.

"Like what?" James asked, coming up behind the two men. He easily ducked around Remus, standing beside Lily and easily slipping an arm around his wife's slim waste.

"Oh. Butterbeer." Lily replied, pursing her lips together in an effort to lessen her smirk. Sirius glared at her.

James eyed their joined hands for a moment before looking at the bottle in Remus' hand. "Never had it before?" he asked, raising his bespectacled eyes to the werewolf who gave yet another timid smile and nod.

"I reckon he'll be drinking it _a_ _lot_ more from now on." Lily replied and the way Lily said such a simple sentence nearly had Remus blushing again.

* * *

**Author's Note 2.0:** Next chapter? Remus speaks! :D About time, yeah?


	8. Chapter 8

_Better_.

Remus never thought that _he _would _ever _get _better_. Of course, given the fact that it was such a broad term, it could apply to any number of things-but Remus never imagined any of those things applying to him. True, it wasn't terribly difficult to be much better than he had been in the facility, but he just hadn't expected it. Therefore, noticing the changes that being out of that wretched place brought was ..astounding.

His hair, once a matted wreck, now fell in silky waves around his face. His skin, once pale and thin had regained a bit of color (though to be fair, not much!) and didn't tear as easily as it had before. His bones were less prominent. His eyes much brighter. He looked like a whole person.

He didn't quite feel like one yet though and he knew why.

He was damaged and he would _always_ be damaged. Even if he were to, by some miracle, look as extraordinarily handsome as Sirius one day, he would still be damaged. It was his state of being; whether he was 'better' or not. It had the capability to bring him down, even on a good day. The worst part was though, that he couldn't even tell anyone because he had chosen to hide the fact that he could talk.

A part of him suspected that Dumbledore knew all about his little secret though. Sometimes, when the elderly wizard stopped in to check up on Headquarters or to hold a meeting (from which Remus was barred-much to his chagrin), he would look at Remus expectantly as if he were waiting for something. He'd ask him questions that clearly were not rhetorical before raising a brow at the werewolf and walking away.

It was infuriating.

Didn't Dumbledore understand? It wasn't that he didn't want to talk. There were times when he had to physically stop himself. He just had this mental block up. He knew he had to overcome it, but he couldn't find it in him to do so. At least not now.

He sat and watched the world spin on while he remained a silent onlooker.

And right now, he hated himself for it.

Trying his best not to shake, Remus watched from the doorway of their shared loo as Sirius pulled his leather jacket on.

"Don't worry about it Moons, s'just routine. Besides I haven't pulled my share for quite a while." the dark haired man said, raking a hand through his long locks before zipping his jacket up.

Remus' teeth dug into his lower lip as the other man spoke. "I'll be in and out, yeah? Nothing to worry about." he insisted again. Remus didn't believe him though.

Raiding the Ministry of Magic in the middle of the night did not seem routine. True, he didn't know much about the inner workings of the government, but he knew what they did to people who didn't fit in-or who chose not to. Remus shuddered to think of Sirius in a cell like his. He imagined the man's lovely gray eyes staring dejectedly out through the bars. Maybe he'd count the bricks on the opposite wall like Remus had. Maybe he'd make up stories to pretend he wasn't there, to pretend he wasn't in hell. The lump in his throat swelled to a disproportionate size and had his hands curling into fists.

"We just need to get a list of other locations. Dumbledore says they've been rounding up the centaurs in the Forbidden Forest-that's the forest outside of Hogwarts, where Dumbledore teaches-you know that-anyway, he says they're being shipped off to separate camps. They're trying to systematically dismantle their culture, stomp it out, we're going to stop it."

Sirius sounded so sure of himself, so proud of what he was doing. Remus knew, in his heart of hearts, that it was the right thing to do. He knew that someone had to act on their behalf, because if they didn't, well then those poor centaurs were as good as dead. Their very spirit would be destroyed. Remus had seen it happen to countless werewolves in his time, but it never got any easier to bare witness to.

He just wished that that person didn't have to be Sirius.

Sucking in a sharp breath, he looked up at the dark haired man who was standing directly in front of him. "James is coming with me." he murmured softly, "S'alright. I'll come back, I promise." he insisted, cupping Remus' cheek in his hand and smoothing his thumb over his skin.

Sirius had grown more bold over the last week since their visit to the Potters. His view of Remus had grown more concrete since that day. He felt bad that it took the strong wave of lust that had gripped him as he watched Remus' throat undulate as he swallowed a sip of butterbeer to realize the level of his attraction to the other man.

It was disconcerting in a way. Sirius had never been with another man before. Once, in school, he and James had snogged to see if there was anything there-anything at all. There wasn't, of course, and it had been Sirius' suggestion in the first place. Sirius had been curious, not James-who had been in love with a bird since he was 11 years old. Sirius had never found that attraction though. He never understood why James wanted to tie himself down to one person before, but he was beginning to.

He cared for Remus, yes. He loved the other man, yes. But he wasn't in love with him. He couldn't be. Did he find him attractive? Oh, most definitely. He was ashamed to think of the times he'd masturbated to the expressive looks that often crossed Remus' face the past few days-that crooked smile he flashed when he found something amusing, hell even the way he quirked his brow set him on fire.

There was something wrong with him. He was lusting after a traumatized werewolf who trusted him. Yes, yes, he was probably go to hell. Oh. Well.

Sighing as Remus leaned into the contact, he watched as the werewolf continued to chew on his lower lip in thought, looking at Sirius as if trying to decide something. Before he could though, Sirius pulled away and flashed Remus another bright smile.

"I'll be back, I promise." And just like that Sirius was gone-turning on his heel and disappearing out the door. Remus' ears strained to hear the floo activating, revealing his departure as well as a hole in his chest that he hadn't even realized was there.

It opened (or reopened?) the moment Sirius left.

He wanted to beg him to stay. Oh Merlin, he had been so close to doing just that, but now it was too late.

What if something happened? What if they were caught, imprisoned? Or worse, killed? Was that a possibility? What is Remus never saw him again?

Shaking more severely at the thought, Remus slid down the wall and wrapped his arms tightly around himself. He had to hold himself together or else he'd fall apart.

He didn't, or simply couldn't, hear the floo reactivate as he became a victim to his own thoughts, nor did he register the gentle footsteps on the stairs or the quiet voice calling out his name.

It wasn't until the red head was crouched in front of him that Remus even realized Lily was there. Her bright green eyes peering back at him in understanding. Of course she would understand. James was going to the Ministry as well.

"They'll be fine." she whispered in an attempt to convince both herself and Remus. Sitting down in front of him, she watched Remus as he watched her-noting the rapid rise and fall of the werewolf's chest, the way Lily wrung her hands together in her lap-the evident signs of worry.

What if they weren't 'fine' as Lily claimed they'd be? The question resounded throughout his mind. His body shuddered violently at the thought of Sirius hurt. Remus knew pain better than any of his new friends. They didn't understand, didn't _truly_ understand, what it felt like to hurt. To have every cell of your body violated in such a violent way that the only thing you knew was pain, the only thing your could even try to remember ..was pain. There was nothing before it and nothing after. There was only the all encompassing, all consuming pain that ate away at your insides. Remus knew though, he knew all too well.

"Remus-" Lily murmured, scooting over to sit beside him. She looped her thin arm through his, resting her head against his shoulder and gently rubbing her hand up and down his bicep. It didn't help much, but it was a distraction.

Lily's hand was much smaller than Sirius' and her touch more gentle.

More feminine, Remus supposed. After all, Lily was very much a woman. Remus thought all women should be like Lily. Smart, caring, beautiful. Remus appreciated Lily for everything she was. It was hard not to.

She confused him though. After Remus had discovered, in his readings, that most men were attracted to women, he was left completely adrift. Because he wasn't attracted to Lily and all the heroes in the novels lining Sirius' shelves had fallen for women like Lily. At first, he supposed that maybe it was because he hadn't had enough time to dwell on any kind of attraction he might have towards her. However, he admired Sirius in the same way that the men in his novels admired women. Was that odd? Maybe it was another one of his quirks, just something else to add to the list of things that made Remus Lupin different.

Closing his eyes, he sucked in a sharp breath and proceeded to wait. Wait for Sirius to come home ..or for someone else to deliver the terrible news that he never would be.

* * *

The mission took longer then they had expected, _much_ longer then they had expected. Benjy Fenwick, a Resistance member who also worked in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures at the Ministry, had laid the groundwork for them. He'd told them the in's and out's of the department and even went so far as to weaken a few wards. However, there were a few extra guards on duty tonight that neither Sirius, James, or even Benjy had accounted for.

As such, it had taken an extra five, (_five!), _hours of crouching in small spaces and dodging the guards in question before the two men could get out of the Ministry safely. Neither James nor Sirius even realized the extent of their delay until after they had arrived at the Potter residence and discovered the time. At once Sirius was gripped with guilt as the image of Remus' distraught face came to mind.

Oh Merlin. Would he be alright? He'd probably be panicking by now, wouldn't he? Sirius wasn't even aware of his actions, but once he saw the clock above the muggle stove Lily insisted on having in her kitchen, he made for the living room. He was only three steps away from the floo when James grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Lily went over there." he said, a piece of parchment with Lily's flowery script clutched in his hand. Sirius didn't feel any better though. James didn't seem to either.

James still didn't trust Remus as much as Sirius would like. He liked him, that much Sirius knew, but he didn't trust the werewolf's mood swings. Sirius felt a little uneasy as well and, in turn, felt all the more guilty for it. Surely, Remus would never hurt Lily. Lily had a way with the werewolf that was entirely different from his relationship with him-but just as strong. Still, there was that niggling 'but' in the back of his mind that wouldn't rest-and it had him worried.

Nodding, both men picked up a handful of floo powder and promptly made their way to Headquarters.

The house was eerily quiet when they arrived. The sitting room was empty. As was the kitchen, the hall, and the basement. Heading up the stairs to Sirius' room then, Sirius gently pushed the door open and peered inside.

The room was lit with a few candles. A tumble of red hair could be seen hunched over a book on their bed. Lily looked up as the door creaked open, her vivid eyes flicking past Sirius to land on James. The woman's face lit up at once, the book completely forgotten as she leaped from the bed with an unnatural grace and ran to James.

Sirius' eyes moved then, from the bed to the window seat where Remus sat. Remus' wide amber eyes at once locked with Sirius' silver ones. He watched the other man stand then, his movements slow as if they were difficult to make.

That wasn't what startled Sirius though. No, what startled Sirius was this.

Remus' familiar full mouth parted, his tongue darting out to lick his chapped lips before they moved once more. For the first time however, the movement was accompanied by _sound_.

"_Sirius_," the voice was rough from misuse, like fire whiskey-it had a bite, but still served to warm Sirius entirely.

Sirius' eyes widened as the werewolf stood there, looking at him. "Sirius." Remus repeated his name and Sirius vaguely heard Lily gasp in response, could practically feel James' brow furrowing in confusion.

Sirius' own mouth opened and closed several times as he tried to figure out if Remus was actually speaking or if he were simply imagining it. If he wasn't though then .._how_? How was Remus able to speak all of a sudden? What had brought this on?

"Remus?" Lily asked, brilliant green eyes as wide as saucers. "You're- You're-"

"Talking." James helpfully supplied, voice laced with confusion.

Remus seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in once he heard their voices, eyes briefly darting over to the couple before returning to Sirius.

"Remus?" Sirius finally replied, his tone a question as he looked at Remus who seemed suddenly nervous.

"How-how are you.. Why are you.. I thought-" Sirius began several conversation starters at once, but all of them fell short given the magnitude of the situation. Remus could talk and a thousand doors and windows were suddenly opened. Sirius just couldn't understand it, couldn't comprehend it. For three weeks he was silent. _Three weeks _and he had _never_ uttered even a _single_ word and now.. "-I don't understand." the dark hair man breathed, causing Remus to look guilty.

"I-I-I-" Remus fumbled, not at all as articulate as he wanted to be.

"Why haven't you spoken before?" Lily managed to produce the first full sentence, "All this time and-"

Remus felt his shoulders hitch up in a shrug, his hands wringing together as he tried to think. "I never-I just-I was .._scared_." the last word was barely more than a whisper and Sirius had to strain to hear it. His brow furrowing as he tried to understand, but he couldn't.

"Scared?" Sirius repeated, the familiar word suddenly sounding foreign as he waited for the werewolf to elaborate. Sirius didn't know whether to feel relieved or angry.

Remus nodded in response, sucking in a sharp breath as he stared down at his shoes, refusing to look at any of the individuals in the room.

"What the bloody hell were you scared of talking for?" James asked, ineloquent as always. A hiss of pain let Sirius know Lily had just elbowed him for it, but the damage was done. Remus had gone rigid, his arms wrapping protectively around himself.

This wasn't how he wanted to reveal the fact that he could speak, that he wasn't mute like they all thought. He had built it up ever since he had decided to eventually reveal the fact, but this wasn't how it was supposed to play out-not in the slightest.

"They-They-I-" Remus tried again before sighing heavily and continuing.

"It's just- I just- I mean- At first-" he began, voice soft and raspy, "-I was afraid because I didn't-I don't know-I didn't think this was _real_." he said, the last word more a breath than anything.

"I thought-I was dying and this was just-just-just my mind's way of giving me some peace. I thought if I spoke, it would somehow ..invalidate all this. That I'd wake up back-back ..back _there_." he said, hands shaking as he forged on, trying to get it all out in one go. He missed the looks of pain and confusion on the other's faces in doing so.

"When you'd found me - That day - I'd spoken. I spoke and we weren't allowed to speak, never allowed to speak. It was against the rules. I suppose because if we didn't talk, if we _couldn't_ talk, it made us seem more like the animals they classified us as. It made it easier for them to do what they ..what they did to us." he said, choking on the last word.

"There was a boy on my cell block, I don't know his name. I don't know if he knew it either. He was getting a beating. It was bad. Really bad. Awful. I just-I couldn't sit there and watch. I had-I had to do something so ..so I spoke back and they ..well ..they transferred his punishment to me. I was so certain I was going to die that night, that's why I thought-I was so sure that this wasn't real. And then when it was real I thought if I opened my mouth, if I spoke, I'd ruin it. I didn't want to ruin it. It was easier to be silent, less mistakes to be made. Couldn't let anyone down, couldn't get myself into trouble." Remus explained, wringing his hands together.

His voice as well as his body were shaky at best as he finished up. "I just-I just- I couldn't." he sighed, trying to center himself but he couldn't. The silence of the room grew heavy, pregnant with the gravity of the situation. He had done it, hadn't he? He had ruined it just like he thought he would. He knew if he ever opened his mouth this, all this, would be over. Why had he ever thought it would be okay? Why had he even deluded himself into thinking that? It had just been wishful thinking. Hadn't he learned his lesson? Would he ever learn his lesson?

Remus was drowning. The air was too thick. It caught in his throat and became impossible to swallow. He took a gasp of it, just as Lily launched herself across the room and hugged a startled Remus-his gasp becoming a choking sound instead.

"Oh! Remus! Oh Merlin! I'm s-so sor-sor-sorry!" Lily managed to choke out. Remus was surprised to find that she was ..crying. He blinked owlishly down at the head of red hair, tentatively bringing his arms up to return the embrace which had her sobbing even harder. Remus couldn't understand it.

His arms immediately returned to his sides, eyes going wide as he looked up to see if James was preparing to kill him for upsetting his wife ..even though Remus had absolutely no idea what he had done to incite such a reaction.

Apparently though, nothing about this entire situation would ever make sense to Remus who was met with a James who looked ..very much like Lily sans the tears. He was paler than he'd been moments before. His hazel eyes were looking at Remus as if he'd never really seen him before.

He watched the man's mouth open and close several times, before his lips pursed together and he gave Remus a curt nod. Lily's arms tightened around him. Remus had never been more confused in his life. Was this forgiveness? Did forgiveness always involve waterworks? And how was he supposed to even begin to interpret their actions? What did James curt nod mean? What did Lily's crying reveal? Normally crying meant pain-sadness-had he made Lily experience either of those with his explanations? He hadn't meant to.

Finally, he dragged his eyes up to Sirius. He was so used to the other man's dazzling smile, his expressive features, always so full of life. But, this time, Remus was shocked when he was met with a mask that revealed nothing. Absolutely nothing.

His stomach dropped at the sight of it, his eyes becoming impossibly dry before welling up with tears as he looked at Sirius who simply looked back. He suddenly was angry with Lily for having such a hold on him. He wanted Sirius. He didn't want to make the other man cry, but he wanted Sirius to forgive him if that was what Lily and James were doing. He vaguely heard the woman babbling something into his chest, her hands curling in his sweater as she spoke. All he could focus on was Sirius' though.

The other man's hands were curled into fists. He watched his jaw clench, his eyes flaring with ..anger. And then he was turning on his heel much as he had before and left.

Remus sucked in a sharp breath. No. No. _No_.

His eyes, already brimming with tears, spilled over. He watched James' own widen in response, his lips tugging down as he looked at Remus.

"S'alright. Wait here." he said softly, clearing his throat before turning and following Sirius out of the room.

And then it was just him and Lily. Remus realized he was crying only when Lily began to pet his hair and whisper hushed words of comfort into his ear. The woman guided him over to the bed, sitting down on the edge with him and pulling him to her. Remus wanted to allow himself to be coddled but the look on Sirius' face came into sharp focus. The anger in the other man's eyes reared its ugly head and Remus found himself pulling away violently.

"No." he choked out, causing Lily to blink back teary eyes in confusion.

"Remus-" she tried, hesitantly.

"Just-just-leave me alone." he rasped out, steeling himself against the look of hurt that crossed her face. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took long, purposeful strides across the room to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Once he was there, safe behind the door, he allowed himself to break. He allowed himself to accept that he had been right to doubt his decision to allow Sirius in. He shouldn't have done that. He should have kept his walls up, or left, gone to another safe house with other werewolves who would understand why he'd done what he'd done.

It wasn't a big deal. He just hadn't spoken. He had never confirmed Sirius' suspicions. He knew it was a lie of both omission and commission. He knew he had betrayed their trust in a way. Why were Lily and James so forgiving then though? Why had Sirius reacted so strongly? Was what Remus had done so wrong?

* * *

Sirius could still distinctly remember how he felt as a child when he was punished; the way his mother's long, manicured nails would dig painfully into his arm as she dragged him from his mischief making. The way her voice would get impossibly high, reaching a screechy tone that grated on Sirius' nerves in a manner no one else had ever managed to accomplish. He could recall each and every one of the insults thrown at him as he stumbled along beside him, tripping over his own feet as he tried to keep up with her. Walburga would walk faster than he could though, her heels clicking against the stone floors of their family manor as she forcefully brought her son to the cellar.

When he was very young, he would cry as soon as he saw the cellar door. He'd cling to his mother's skirt and beg her not to put him down there, apologize for whatever it was he had done and promise to never do it again. She would always brush him off though. Her nails, like claws, digging into his hands until he had to let go and once he did he was thrust into the darkness.

It was ..unbearable. The dark provided a canvas onto which all of his nightmares could come true. It absolutely terrified him and he would curl up into a ball in the corner until he was let out when his father came home. As he got older, the cellar treatment lost its effectiveness which was when Walburga turned to her husband to use physical force as a means to keep Sirius in line.

He had received his fair share of beatings, but none as bad as Remus.

He would never be able to get revenge on his parents. Not without the Resistance. However, he could get revenge on the guard who had done what he'd done to Remus. Last week he had snuck a look at werewolf's file-during which time he'd learned the guard's name. It had angered him even then, but when Remus finally voiced what had happened he became so sick with rage he knew he needed an outlet.

Sirius couldn't even begin to comprehend the psychological trauma someone had to endure in order to actually be afraid of speaking. The fact that Remus was able to was unforgivable and he would make sure the guard who'd hurt Remus, John Gilmore, knew that.

* * *

Sirius was gone by the time James got down to the main floor. The floo flared down as soon as he entered the room. James sighed, raking a hand through his already disheveled hair as he stared at the dying embers. James had been Sirius' best mate for over seven years and he still found it rather difficult to predict the other man's actions. He had absolutely no idea why he'd fled just now, after Remus had reveled such a heavy thing to them.

James was shocked, to say the least. Not only by Remus' heart wrenching confession, but Sirius' reaction to it. For the past three weeks he had watched the two interacting. For someone who had snogged almost all of the birds in their graduating class, James had never seen Sirius behave as affectionately with any of them as he did with Remus. Which was why it was so curious that he had stormed out on him instead of comforting the werewolf, something it seemed Remus most definitely needed by the time his spell of talking came to an end.

Was Sirius truly angry? He wondered, the toe of his trainer stubbing the ground. Sirius sometimes had a volatile temper, Lily often worried about it, but to react so strongly to this? Where was he even going? Sirius lived here, in headquarters, because his parents threw him out. His Uncle Alphard had tried to leave him a bit of money upon his passing, but altering wills after the fact was no problem for the Black family. Sirius didn't have much. He had the Resistance. He had his mates. So where was he off to now with both his home and his mates here? Surely not to Peter's. James got on more with Peter than Sirius, who tended to have a short temper with the other man as of late.

James waited a good five minutes, but when it seemed as though Sirius wouldn't be returning anytime soon, he left the sitting room to return to Lily and Remus upstairs. His trek up the stairs was slow, taking each individual step at a time. One foot after the other, one thought after the other.

What was the meaning of this? Step. What was he supposed to say to Remus? Step. Would Sirius be alright out there? Step. Step. Step..

When he finally arrived at the room in question, he found Lily sitting outside the the loo. Her forehead was resting against the dark wood of the door, her palm press flat against it as well. "Remus." she was saying, "It'll be alright. I don't know what's going on with Sirius, but I know he cares for you. You two are mates, good mates, yeah? There's nothing to worry about. He was probably just shocked."

James watched as her long, nimble fingers stroked the wood as if trying to will Remus to come out and accept the comfort she was offering. The silence that her attempts were met with, however, was rather disheartening.

Clearing his throat so as to not startle her, James stepped in to the room. Lily cast wide, pleading eyes on him and he gave a stiff nod.

"Remus- er- Sirius popped out for uh- uh- a bit, yeah? He'll probably be back soon_ish_." the last bit was muttered under his breath and had Lily looking murderously at the doorway. Wherever Sirius was, when he finally did return, whether it be sooner or later, he was in for a right talking to, that much was for sure.

Licking his lips nervously then, James hesitated a moment before continuing. "Listen mate, I don't know what crawled up his arse and died, but me and Lils understand. I'm sorry that you were ever put in a position like that. Wish we had gotten there sooner, but you're out now. Talking now. And-And-And, well, I'm real glad for it. I am." James said, not quite sure if the words tumbling out of his mouth were making any sense, but hoping to Merlin they were. "You've got mates in us, no matter what. Right glad you're here and all." he said, clearing his throat and awkwardly folding his arms over his chest.

James was not as affectionate as Sirius was. Sirius was very rough and tumble with his actions and words. James, while a trouble maker himself, was more reserved with such things. More awkward when it came to voicing and showing his affection. He could never seem to get it right which, perhaps, was one of the main reasons it took him six years to even get Lily to consider going on a date with him.

Still, the way the red head was looking at him now, you'd never know. James Potter had his moments and this was one of them even if he felt like an absolute dolt standing there talking to the loo door. Usually after giving a pep talk, if that was indeed what it had been, he'd clap the person in question on the shoulder and say something stupid. Since Remus wasn't in the same room as him though that was clearly out of the question.

It took another minute or two for his words to garner a response, but eventually Remus responded with a simple "Thank you, James."

Lily sighed in relief, patting the door to let him know she was still there as well. "It's true, what James said. You've got us. We're going to just be right outside. No-you know what- I'm going to make us all a nice cuppa, yeah? After a night like this, a cuppa would be right good so- so- so you finish up in there and I'll get it all ready. Do you want anything to eat? Toast?" Lily asked, causing Remus' lips to quirk up just a bit as he shook his head. It took him a moment to remember she couldn't see the motion and clear his throat to respond. "M'fine. Tea's perfect."

With that, Lily rose to her feet and planted a kiss on her husbands cheek. "I love you, James Potter." she murmured against his ear, lowering her voice a bit more before adding, "and when we get home, I plan on showing you just how much."

As expected, James lit up like the bloody Hogwarts Christmas tree, his lips taking on the goofiest smile they'd ever seen which had Lily smiling affectionately in return. "So- Mr. Potter- what about you? Hungry?" she asked, turning back to a more appropriate topic.

Being very much a man though, James' brain refused to move on from the image of Lily making love to him, or vice versa, in his head. Blinking owlishly at the red head, he furrowed a brow and muttered an inarticulate, "Huh?" that had his wife chuckling and patting him on the cheek before leaving.

Grinning as he watched her hips sway as she exited the room, he missed the bathroom door creaking open. He spotted the disheveled werewolf once he turned around though and adopted a more sober smile in response.

"Are you sure you weren't the one who had to scuffle around the Ministry tonight? You sure look like hell." was James' greeting, smile quirking up a bit more as he spoke.

Remus nodded sagely, eyes scanning the room and teeth gnawing at his lower lip. "Listen, mate, I meant what I said. Sirius may be my best mate, but he can be a tosser sometimes. Whatever his issue is, he'll get over it. I promise." James said, trying to get Remus to meet his eye but the other refused.

"I hope so." he mumbled in response.

"I know so." was James' rather serious reply.

* * *

The Muggle Way.

Sirius' mother had always scorned physical fights as such. Using your fists, to harm another person was so muggle, so vulgar, so barbaric-she claimed. She failed to see the Cruciatus curse as such though, so her opinion was not one to really consider.

However, as Sirius' fist made contact once more with John Gilmore's nose, he couldn't help but think that this was much more satisfying than a dual. Duals had rules attached to them. There was a proper etiquette one was expected to follow. A fist fight, the muggle way, had no such thing. It was every man for himself.

He could kick a man while he was down, despite it being frowned upon in most cultures. He could let his already bloodied knuckles collide with the man's jaw, his chest, wherever he aimed next. He relished the groan the other let out. The shock written across his face as Sirius leaned closer to tell him why he was there, why he was doing this. John had been asking, over and over again, and now he was telling him.

"Maybe next time you'll think twice before beating another person for speaking."

"Maybe next time you'll think twice before touching one hair on a werewolf's head."

Sirius was seeing red by the time John passed out. He was so far gone, for a brief moment he panicked and thought he'd actually killed him. He was breathing shallowly though and as much as Sirius wanted to leave him there. As much as he wanted John to suffer even more, the way Remus had, he knew he couldn't walk away. He had to drop him off, even if it was in front of Mungo's.

..or better yet, a Muggle hospital. He'd heard getting stitches was more painful than Skele-Grow.

Sirius smirked, grabbing hold to the front of the other man's robes and apparating.

* * *

Two hours.

Sirius had been gone for two hours.

The tea Lily had made had gone cold a while ago, untouched by Remus.

Lily and James hadn't left yet. Lily was wilting against her husband who looked half asleep himself. Remus, on the other hand, was wide awake. How could he sleep with Sirius gone? Remus had absolutely no idea of the other's where abouts. He had no idea if he was alright. Remus didn't think he could take it if Sirius hated him, but he'd take that over him being hurt.

Frowning down at his hands, he cleared his throat before looking up at his friends. "S'alright if you two want to head home. I'll be alright." Remus said softly. James seemed wholly unsure of the

suggestion, as did Lily who furrowed her brow in response.

"Don't be silly, Remus, we're not leaving you." she replied.

Remus smiled softly, shaking his head. "Really, s' alright. I'm fine. Promise." he insisted even though he really wasn't fine. Not at all. Not even in the slightest.

James cast a look his way, conveying just how transparent Remus' reassurances, if you could even call them that, were. "How about this then? Me and Lily will be in the room across the hall, yeah? I'm not too tired so I should be up for a while. Just knock if you need me ..or her ..though I might have to pound you if you find yourself needing my wife in the late hours of the night if you know what I mean." James replied, tone soft and slightly teasing.

Lily chuckled and gently elbowed her husband in response, looking over at Remus with a tired smile. "That works for me. Just knock, yeah? Promise." Lily said, her soft lilting tone lacking something due to her lack of sleep.

Remus nodded. "I promise."

"-if you need anything, anything at all." Lily insisted.

"Merlin, I don't even get that treatment." James grumbled.

Remus weakly chuckled, feeling a little lighter that they were there and giving yet another nod. "Anything. Promise." he said softly.

Lily nodded before getting to her feet. She offered James a hand up before crossing the room to pull Remus into a tight hug.

"I love you, Remus Lupin." she muttered and Remus' throat constricted in response. He had to blink his eyes rapidly to stop tears from welling up in them. He could distinctly remember the last time anyone had ever said such a thing to him. It was just before _they_ came and took him to that place.

He was eight years old at the time, a scrawny little thing with wiry limbs and shaggy hair. He had spent the entire day outside since it was summer, just mucking about. He used to love climbing trees. He'd bring his books up with him and spend the day reading in the sunlight. When night fell, his mother called him inside for bed. He could hear the crickets chirping through the open window of his bedroom. His room was lit with a candle on his bedside table, casting strange shadows over the walls-shadows that arced and danced with the breeze. His mother was perched at the side of his bed. Her face, in his memory, was a blur in the dark but a pair of kind blue eyes stood out against the dark backdrop, her lips smiling softly as she tucked him in for the night.

She had pushed the hair off his forehead before leaning in and pressing a kiss to the skin there. "I love you, Remus." she'd murmured, her voice soothing, calming, peaceful.

He couldn't remember if he had returned the sentiment. He couldn't recall no matter how hard he tried. This time, however, he made sure he did.

"I love you too, Lily." he murmured, voice choked as he spoke. Pulling away, the red head cast him a watery smile before stepping back to stand beside James. James stepped forward as soon as she stepped back, clapping a hand on his shoulder in a very James like manner as he gave Remus a curt nod.

"See you in the morning then mate." was all James had to offer, but Remus took it with another smile.

"In the morning." he echoed, letting the two out of his room and shutting the door behind them. As soon as they were gone, Remus returned to his bed, curling up on Sirius' side and hugging the pillow close to him. It still smelt of him. It almost made it feel as if he were there with him. _Almost_..

* * *

Sirius wasn't sure what time it was when he arrived home. He knew it was late though, because the streets were entirely empty. He had dropped Gilmore off at a Muggle hospital shortly after he'd realized just how carried away he'd gotten. After that, he had decided to walk home. He knew he must have been quite a sight. John had gotten a few shots in himself, after all.

Not only were Sirius' knuckles bruised and bloodied, but his jaw was bruised, there was a cut above his left eye, and he was walking with a slight limp due to what he assumed was a broken rib. It certainly felt like it. It made movement quite difficult.

When he finally reached Headquarters, he couldn't help but feel relieved. Turning the knob slowly, he pushed open the door and popped his head in to survey the scene. Which was ..dead. No movement. No sound. No light. Nothing.

Sighing in relief, Sirius crept inside and shut the door. He was hungry and dirty, but he was far more tired than either of those. Foregoing the kitchen and bath, he climbed the stairs to the fourth floor before letting himself into his room.

The lights were still on, though the candles were down to their wicks. Sirius could vaguely make out Remus' shape on his side of the bed. The man's body was curled around his pillow in the fetal position.

At first Sirius though the other was asleep, but when he closed the door behind him the shadowy figure shot up and cast his glowing eyes on him. They automatically widened in response causing Sirius to grimace.

"Sirius?" Remus gasped, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and quickly crossing the room to him.

"What happened? Are you alright? Where did you go? Is all this your blood?" Remus asked, fretting over the other man though a part of him still feared rejection.

Sirius simply stood there though, watching him instead of reacting. He allowed Remus to push the hair off his forehead to examine the cut there. He watched the others features twist into a wince in response to what he saw, felt the gentle swipe of the others thumb over his bruised jaw.

"Lily and James are staying across the hall-Let me go get her. She'll be able to fix this. And clean up this ..blood" he murmured under his breath, beginning to move away.

Sirius responded quickly though, hand reached out to wrap around Remus' wrist and hold him back.

"No." he said, shaking his head and meeting the other's amber eyes once more. "S'not mine."

Remus' brow furrowed, mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of a proper response. When none came to him, he simply snapped his mouth shut and looked at Sirius for a moment longer.

"It's not ..yours." he repeated dumbly, refusing to believe Sirius had hurt someone well enough to get their blood on him.

Sirius nodded. "S'not mine. Belongs to a man named John, John Gilmore." Sirius said, voice rough as he looked imploringly at Remus-willing him to recognize the name. He didn't though, or at least he didn't seem to.

"He- He worked -worked at the facility you were in." Sirius explained. Remus' heart sank as he began to put the pieces together.

"Sirius- you didn't-" Remus trailed off, wide eyes searching the other's face.

"I did-" he breathed. "I didn't kill him or anything. I wanted to. Merlin, Remus, how I wanted to." Sirius hissed, pursing his lips together as he looked at Remus.

"I just kept thinking about- about that night, the night that I found you. About how terrible you looked, how badly you were hurt. He was the one that did it. _John Gilmore_. So I paid him a visit. And I made him look worse than you did. I made him _hurt_ worse than you did." Sirius said, voice vehement. "I made him pay, I made him pay for ever putting his hands on you." Sirius declared, hands curling into fists. "I wanted to leave him, bleeding on his living room floor. I wanted him to have to suffer in silence like you did. I wanted him to feel what you felt- but I knew- I knew I couldn't so- so I got him help. Help at a muggle hospital. Can't heal things instantly there, he has to wait for it to heal naturally. He does." Sirius said, jaw clenching.

Remus just stared at him, obviously shocked by what Sirius had done. Remus was used to a dog eat dog world. Everyone out for themselves. Companionship was still quite new to him. He was comfortable around Sirius, but only because Sirius never made him feel awkward about his lack of social skills. When Remus didn't know something that he ought to, he would point it out in a manner that neither insulted his intelligence nor drew attention to just how out of the loop Remus truly was.

Remus relied on Sirius in many ways, he was totally attached to the other the other man and he knew it. However, he never expected that Sirius would ever be as attached to him. It just seemed so ..illogical. Sirius was the sun and Remus the moon. Remus was pulled to Sirius, but if Remus were ever to disappear he was certain that Sirius would be fine. It appeared he was wrong though.

Because Sirius had gone purposefully to avenge what had been done to him in that rash manner of his. Remus didn't condone violence, but he knew that if their positions had been reversed Remus might have very well killed John Gilmore. He could still picture the guard's sneering face-but now it was gradually becoming bruised and bloodied in his minds eye. It was less scary. It was thanks to Sirius.

"You got hurt as well." Remus finally muttered, taking in Sirius as a whole. Taking a breath through his nose, Remus hesitated a moment, before he took Sirius' hand in his own and led him towards the bathroom.

Once inside, he flipped on the lights, squinting in the fluorescent beams. Sirius hissed instead, taking a step back in response.

"Sit." Remus murmured beneath the harsh lighting, casting a look at Sirius before beginning to rummage through the cabinet.

It was strange hearing Remus talk. Sirius was so used to the other's silence. He was like a whole new person now that he could speak. Every time his lips parted and words burst forth, Sirius was amazed. Watching the man as he dug around in the cabinet, his eyes were drawn to his movements; the way his shoulder blades moves beneath the thin t-shirt he wore to bed. The sinewy muscles beneath his pale skin, flexing and relaxing as he moved his arms. He was beautiful.

Nodding stiffly, he slowly made his way over to the toilet, putting the seat down before sitting himself. With the adrenaline in his system being reabsorbed back into his body, he was beginning to feel the aches and pains that came from getting into a violent fight. His head hurt especially and the lights were doing nothing to help.

Sighing, the dark haired man bowed his head and buried his face in his hands. He felt better for beating the living hell out of Gilmore, but Remus' reaction hadn't been what he expected. Then again, what had he expected? To come riding in on, chest puffed out, proclaiming he had defended Remus' honor and dignity, that the world was now a better place because of him and Remus had nothing to fear? That was entirely nonsensical and far too romantic for Sirius' taste. He had expected a smile though, or a hug ..something ..anything.

Feeling a gentle hand on his knee, Sirius looked up and was met with Remus' warm eyes. "I'm going to clean you up, okay? It might sting a little-I really wish you'd let me get Lily to fix you up-but, this will at least stop an infection." he said.

Sirius nodded as the werewolf turned to pick up a wet rag, closing his eyes as the other gently began to clean the blood from around the cut on his forehead. It was kind of amusing ..in a sick way ..how the tables were suddenly reversed. Three weeks ago Sirius was cleaning Remus up and now, here they were, positions reversed-something Sirius had never expected.

The other was gentle though. Very gentle. His hands were a whisper as they moved from wound to wound. Whenever he did slip and press a bit too hard, he'd immediately apologize and soothe the pain away with a soft caress to his unbruised cheek, or a hand raking through his hair.

Pretty soon all that was left were his knuckles, a task Sirius decided to blink his eyes open for. The light seemed more harsh upon doing so, Remus' features thrown into sharp contrast because of it. His bright amber eyes seemed to glow as he focused on gently cleaning his hands. Sirius was so close that he could count the freckles on Remus' nose (19), the small scars along the other's jaw and brow, the way his teeth dug into his lower lip when he reached a particularly nasty break in his skin. It was mesmerizing. _He_ was mesmerizing..

Sirius's breath caught in his throat when Remus chanced a glance up at him and their eyes met. Connected. Locked. Sirius ran his tongue over his chapped lips, refusing to break eye contact before Remus who seemed, confused as to the reason behind the sudden intensity of the atmosphere, but also unwilling to look away.

After a moment, he broke the pregnant silence, "I thought you were angry with me."

Sirius's brow furrowed, lips parting in shock. Angry with him? Why would he possibly be angry with him?

"When you'd left, I thought you were angry that I had kept such a big secret from you." Remus elaborated, voice soft as his eyes dipped down to the other's knuckles again. He gently continued to clean them.

Sirius, in turn, blinked dumbly at the top of his head in response. "I-" he finally managed to croak, stilling Remus' movements, "Remus, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think- I just - I was angry, but not at you. At what had been done to you. I couldn't think. I couldn't even really breathe. This weight had just settled on my chest and- and it wasn't until I found John Gilmore and my fist connected with his jaw that it started to dissipate." Sirius explained, drawing Remus' gaze to him once more.

"You didn't need to do this Sirius. You could've been hurt, or killed ..or caught. They would have locked you up. He's a Ministry employee, Sirius, they've priority over everyone else, _especially_ over dissenters." Remus said, tone bordering on that of a plea.

Sirius didn't respond.

"What if something terrible had happened to you? I waited all night in order to be able to breathe properly, knowing you were safe." he said, hand gently squeezing his as he finished cleaning the wounds of his knuckles. Picking up the bandage then, he gently began to wrap them up.

"I'm sorry." Sirius repeated, looking at him as he dressed his wounds. "I didn't mean to worry you Remus- s'just, every time I think of someone putting their hands on you ..on _you _I get sick, physically sick. I'm so sorry you were there for so long, Remus. So sorry." Sirius said, swallowing the lump in his throat and brushing Remus' hands away in order to get him to look at him.

When he wouldn't meet his gaze, he placed a finger under the other's chin and drew his head up. "I'm sorry I worried you-but he couldn't walk away from what he did to you without any consequence. As it is, what I did still isn't enough. Nothing will ever be enough, but it's something." he said, voice so sincere Remus couldn't deny him.

Pursing his lips, the werewolf's eyes darted over the other's features once more. The bruise on Sirius' jaw stood out in such sharp contrast now that the blood and dirt was gone. The cut above his eye didn't look as bad, but it still needed more help than Remus could give.

Remus felt compelled to crawl into the other's lap. He knew, technically, he should be comforting Sirius because he was the one who was hurt, but he couldn't help it. He wanted the other to hold him, to cradle him against his chest like that first night and tell him it would all be okay even if, in the long run, that was highly unlikely.

Remus' mind propelled itself forward, his memories of the past few weeks coming together in sharp focus as they danced through his minds eyes. All the things that made Sirius wonderful stood juxtaposed against the heroes in his books. But he was lacking one thing that all his literary figures all possessed. A fatal flaw. Sirius didn't have one, at least not that Remus could see, and he was glad for it. Sirius was better than a character out of a book. Sirius was real.

Remus knew how this would end if he were a bird. In all his stories, the hero received some romantic gesture once they saved the damsel in distress. Remus didn't fancy himself a damsel in distress but Sirius had saved him in so many ways. For a moment, he wished he were a woman, that would make this easier. He could kiss him and it would probably be wonderful. Remus had never been kissed, for obvious reasons. Sometimes there were particularly sick guards who touched him in inappropriate ways, but a kiss was something Remus had never had. He wanted one. He wanted one from Sirius.

He knew it would be deceitful if he were to press his lips to the other man's and, if that rendered a negative reaction, feign ignorance, but wasn't he allowed that-just once? If Sirius was allowed to go beat someone up to relieve his anger, couldn't Remus steal one kiss so at least one thing in his life could go as he wanted it to?

Sucking in a breath, he nodded his head to indicate that he accepted the other's apology of sorts. Sirius looked relieved, his lips twisting up into a delectable smile.

Remus' last thought was, '_I probably shouldn't.._', before he leaned in and pressed his own, semi-chapped lips to Sirius'.

Sirius' lips were warm and moist. They were thinner than Remus' own, but they parted in surprise at the kiss. Remus couldn't suppress the instinct to run his tongue over the other's lower lip in time and so, for a brief second, he tasted the other man. It was .._heavenly_. Better than even butterbeer, better than _anything_.

He wanted more, _so_ much more. He wanted to kiss Sirius forever, to memorize the feel of the other's lips pressed against his own, the taste of him on his tongue. But he knew he couldn't. He had to keep this chaste. Pulling back so as not to push his boundaries, he was met with Sirius' wide, startled eyes.

"Thank you, Sirius." Remus murmured, acting as if nothing were unusual despite the fact that his insides were in a knot and his heart was positively singing.

Tucking the end of Sirius' bandage in then, he rose to his feet and offered him a smile. "We should get some sleep. Lily can fix you up properly in the morning." and then, as calm as he could manage, Remus turned and made his way to the bed-slipping into his own side and squeezing his eyes shut.

He had kissed Sirius. He'd kissed him. Remus brought a hand up to his lips, smiling as he ran a tongue over them and tasted Sirius instead. _Perfect_.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Once again, I owe a great deal of thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter! I love getting feedback so keep it coming! Please, please, please!

_Coming up next time?_ The first full moon! Dun, dun, dunnnn!


	9. Chapter 9

Sirius decided shortly after the fact that his inability to properly respond to Remus' kiss was due to the fact that he was in shock. It certainly seemed like a reasonable excuse.

After all, how could he have even begun to properly predict the outcome of tonight? There was just no way, none at all. All that was supposed to happen was a simple raid, him and James were supposed to be in and out of the Ministry and that was it.

Any surprises that came their way should have ended in the Ministry Atrium. However, it seemed that the real surprises were hell bent of popping out around every corner at home.

As if Remus speaking wasn't mind-blowing enough, then certainly the fact that he had kissed Sirius was.

A part of him was quite certain he'd imagined the whole thing. However, he could still feel Remus' phantom lips against his own. He shivered to think of the other's clever tongue darting across his lower lip. Surely that hadn't just happened..

Sirius blinked owlishly at the tiled wall in front of him. The buzz of the fluorescent bulbs were the only soundtrack to his confusion. Muggle lights were brilliant, but he still preferred candles, or a simple lumos maxima. The buzz the bulbs made grated on his nerves.

Taking a deep breath to focus himself, he turned his gaze towards the shadowed door leading into his bedroom. He could vaguely make out Remus' form on the bed, the dips and curves of the other man's body. Sirius licked his lips unconsciously, surprised when he found an unfamiliar taste lingering there.

_Remus_.

Sirius verily groaned, raking a hand through his hair before giving it a tug. He felt sick for being so turned on. He shouldn't be. Remus didn't really understand normal social cues. He couldn't have kissed Sirius with romantic intentions. Was he mimicking Lily and James? Would it be wrong if Sirius didn't correct him if he tried it again?

Merlin- he really was going to hell and it was all Remus' fault.

It took another few minutes for Sirius to collect himself, before he stood and cleaned up the medical supplies from the bathroom floor. After that was done, he stripped down to his boxers and kicked his dirty clothes into a pile on the bathroom floor.

Flipping the lights off as he left, he blindly made his way to their bed and crawled in.

His body, however, didn't seem to want to let him rest. He was exhausted, but he was also hyper aware of Remus next to him. He could smell the other's hair, hear his even breathing, feel the heat coming off him in waves. Sirius longed to press the whole of his front against Remus' back, to spoon against the other's body and press open mouthed kisses to the skin of his neck and shoulders.

He wished, not for the first time, that Remus would sleep without a shirt on. He desperately wanted to trace the line from the other's neck to his shoulder.

Freezing as Remus let out a huff of air, the other man shifted a bit in the bed before settling down once more. Sirius sighed in relief, inching closer to the werewolf. He got as close to him as physically possible without touching him and while it didn't satisfy his needs, it definitely was better than nothing.

Ignoring the ache in his head and joints, Sirius closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep. In dreams things made sense. In dreams, he could kiss Remus the way he really wanted to and not have to worry about the meaning behind such an action.

* * *

Lily woke early the next morning. The twisting in her stomach had her shoving the covers off her almost immediately and running to the bathroom to empty her stomach.

Heaving over the toilet, Lily had to wonder if she had picked up a bit of a bug. If she had, James would probably already have it as well. Oh, Merlin, he was such a child when he wasn't feeling well.

Sighing and wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, the woman rose once more to rinse her mouth out and peer in the mirror.

She didn't look ill. In fact, she looked better than she had in a while. Maybe it was just something she'd eaten? Or a result of the stress from the previous night? Yes, that had to be it.

Running a hand through her red hair, she quickly fixed her vivid locks before pulling on the spare dressing gown hanging on the back of the door and exiting the room.

James was sound asleep, snoring away on his side of the bed. A bit of drool trickled down his cheek, forming a nasty puddle on the pillow he was clutching. But, in the fashion of true love, Lily simply found the sight absolutely adorable. Smiling softly at her husband, she pushed the messy hair from his forehead to press a kiss there. James grumbled in his sleep, snuggling down into the blankets and squeezing his eyes shut tighter.

Suppressing a laugh, Lily pulled an extra blanket on top of him before leaving their room to check on Remus. She hadn't heard Sirius come in last night, so she was a bit worried. Then again, she had been fast asleep. A dung bomb could have gone off and she would've still slept through the night.

Creeping across the hall, she gently knocked on the door-waiting a moment before peeking her head in.

The pre-dawn light cast a fuzzy glow on the room. Remus had forgotten to pull his blinds shut the night before it seemed, not that she could blame him. Drawing her eyes away from the window, she was surprised to see Remus' form in the bed looking rather large and lumpy.

Frowning, the red head furrowed her brow, squinting to try to better make out the shape there. Only then did she discover that the single form was actually two bodies curled around each other. Remus was laying on his side, curled up in a manner similar to the one he'd been in last night. The difference was, however, that Sirius was curled protectively around him. The other's tanner arms wrapped tightly around Remus' form.

Well. It seemed Sirius did come home last night.

Lily smiled brightly at the two, though a part of her reminded her that she still needed to give the dark haired man a good talking to. Pulling her wand out to close the curtains, she quietly left the room and disappeared down the stairs to start breakfast.

It wasn't long after that James followed the same path as his wife. Waking alone, he took a moment to allow his mind to emerge from the bleary haze of sleep. Rousing himself from the bed, he blindly groped the side table to locate his glasses before shoving them on his face. Immediately, the room came into focus.

Being that there was no clock, however, he didn't know just how long he had slept. Pressing his hand against Lily's pillow, he felt the lingering warmth and smiled. Well, it couldn't be late if Lily had just gotten up. She had been an early riser, even when they were attending Hogwarts.

Pulling his green jumper over his head, James shuffled over to the door, not bothering to brush his teeth or take a leak. He wanted to check on Remus first, though he knew that Lily would have already done that. He wanted to make sure the other man was alright for himself.

Taking short, shuffling steps across the hall, he forewent knocking in favor of opening the door just a crack and peeking in. The sight that greeted him had him seeing red.

Clenching his jaw, James swung the door open and took long, angry strides towards Sirius' side of the bed. Not bothering to wake him gently, he simply gave the man a harsh shove before grabbing hold of his ear and tugging.

Sirius woke with a yelp, sitting straight up and looking wildly around the room. When his eyes landed on James, his brow furrowed and his lips parted in surprise.

James felt even angrier for the look of shock on the other's face. Did he really not know why he was so angry? Was he that daft? James had given him a lot of credit in the past ..but .._really_?

Letting out a huff of air, James jerked his head towards the door to the loo which had Sirius looking even more confused.

"We." he began, tone dark, "have to talk." the sentence itself was simple, but the way James said it had Sirius shuddering. It certainly didn't sound good.

Nodding dumbly, Sirius turned back to make sure Remus was still sleeping soundly (he was) before swinging his legs over the side of his bed and following his friend into the bathroom.

As soon as the door shut and the bright lights were flipped on, a sense of foreboding settled in Sirius' stomach. Confused as to what this could possibly be about, Sirius folded his arms over his bare chest and waited. James paced the floor in front of him, raking a hand through his already disheveled hair as he mumbled and shook his head.

Eventually (it felt like forever to Sirius, though in reality it was only half a minute), James turned his hazel eyes on his friend and gave him a stern look that would have made even McGonagall proud. Sirius honestly had no idea that his friend was even capable of such a look.

The part of his mind that was just brimming with snarky comments (which just so happened to be the part that never, ever shut off either, mind you), wanted to remark on just how serious James looked, but he managed to miraculously bite his tongue and not make the situation any worse.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" James finally hissed out, arms folding tightly over his chest as he fixed Sirius with a glare.

Unfortunately for Sirius, the comment didn't shed any light on what had pissed James off, and so he could only return the glare with a blank look.

James dropped his arms, hands curling into fists at the lack of response before spitting out, "With Remus! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing with Remus!" he asked angrily.

Sirius blinked owlishly at his friend. With Remus? Did he mean, what was he doing in bed with Remus? He'd thought it'd been obvious. Sleeping! Did he honestly not know that they shared a bed? James knew the two shared a room and said room only had one bed. As such, anyone with even two brain cells to rub together could figure that much out.

"Er- sleeping?" he replied. James went red as he threw his hands up.

"I know that! I mean what do you think you're doing sleeping like- like- like that!" he barked.

Sirius felt a bubble of anger well up inside him, his own jaw clenching as he finally managed to return James' glare.

"What's it matter to you?" he spat out in return.

"What's it matter to me? What's it matter to me he asks?" James replied, muttering under his breath and letting out a bitter laugh before continuing. "It matters to me because you can't just jerk him around!" James replied, which caused Sirius to become lost in the conversation once more.

"He's not some bird that's going to be in and out of your life, mate. He's your friend! And you're his best friend, it seems, since he sticks so close to you all the bloody time. He's been through a lot of shit Sirius, a lot, and I'm certain we don't even know the half of it-last night, when you stormed out, you weren't there to see the look on his face. I'm used to you being a right arse, he's not." James said, voice low but still menacing.

"Don't fuck around with him." he said, glaring at Sirius who simply looked shocked.

What. The. Fuck. Sirius had no idea what to make of any of this. He was confused himself. Half the time he was fine with his attraction to Remus, the other half had him off kilter. Right now, he was somewhere in between.

James seemed to realize this (he wasn't always so thick), and his expression softened.

"It's alright-if your- your- you know." he said, giving Sirius a shrug. "I mean- I always thought- after- well- you know- after that I thought that maybe- you were- you were- you know- but then you- I mean- you've snogged half the female population of Britain so I just- but you never- I mean- with Remus- you're different. But you've never- you've never been with someone. I mean, you've _been _with someone, lots of someones, but he's not just someone. So think about this first before you do anything, you hear me? I'd hate to have to kick your arse."

To anyone else listening, James' rambling explanation wouldn't have made sense. To Sirius, however, it did.

"I'm not." he muttered, looking at James who simply stared back.

"I mean- I'm not ..gay. I'm not." Sirius explained in a firm tone before adding softly, "I like birds, but- I mean- I like blokes too." the last part was so soft James had to strain to hear it.

James, personally, didn't quite understand it. Blokes were ..blokes. What were they compared to birds? James wouldn't give Lily and her soft curves and full lips up for anything or anyone. The flat planes and hard lines of a man's body had never appealed to him ..ever. It was a little off putting that Sirius found them attractive. He knew it was ignorant of him, but still..

He was fine with it though, he hadn't lied when he'd said that to Sirius. He just wasn't used to it. Lily was better with things like this. Lily was more fluid with things they weren't used to.

James nodded after a moment, giving him a small smile. "Alright then." he said, and Sirius looked relieved.

"Alright." he replied, clearing his throat and shifting his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other.

Silence fell then, neither one of them knowing what to do. After a moment James finally cleared his throat and addressed the other elephant in the room.

"So then- where'd you go last night? I take it from your face it wasn't anywhere pleasant."

Sirius snorted and shook his head, "I- I uh- Well- I went and knocked a bit of sense into that guard."

"Guard?" James repeated, waiting for Sirius to elaborate which he did a moment later.

"The one who did that to Remus." he replied, pursing his lips together. An indecipherable look passed over James' face before he gave a curt nod.

"Good."

Nothing more was said. Each man stood their ground, allowing another awkward silence to fall. It was nearing the five minute mark when a knock on the door had them both jumping. Sirius stubbed his toe on the corner of the sink and swore. James fell backwards into the tub with an 'argh!'

The door creaked open. Remus popped his head in, a sheepish look on his face that set Sirius' insides on fire.

"Oops." he murmured causing James to laugh and Sirius to shake his head.

* * *

Everything seemed to be settled by breakfast. After James had managed to crawl out of the tub and Sirius' toe had stopped throbbing, both men had exited the loo in order to give Remus his privacy. James had gone downstairs to check on Lily, leaving Sirius perched on his side of the bed, staring at the closed bathroom door.

He could hear the pitter patter of the shower running behind it-could imagine the water cascading over the thin, lithe body-and once again berated himself for thinking such things. He knew he should feel guilty, and a part of him did, but a vast majority of him longed to know what Remus felt like-what Remus looked like-instead of simply having to imagine it.

James' words echoed through his mind, though. Remus wasn't someone who was going to be in and out of his life. He'd only known him for a month, but he was positive he would be a permanent figure-if not in Sirius' life than definitely Lily's or, at the very least, the Resistance. Dumbledore had mentioned possibly inviting Remus to join once he was rehabilitated. A lot had to be done before then. Remus had never even been formerly educated. He was a whiz with books and what not, but the practical application of spells was yet to be seen.

Sighing, he raked a hand through his hair. His thoughts trickled back to their kiss last night. Was it worth the risk of their friendship to pursue something more? Sirius had never been the kind for relationships, but his longing to run his hands over Remus' skin-to know him inside and out-were surefire signs that this was different. This was more. And as terrifying as that thought was, there was nothing Sirius could do to change how he felt. The more he was around Remus, the harder it was to mask his feelings. Now that they could hold actual conversations, it was going to be even more difficult.

Looking up as the bathroom door creaked open, Sirius sucked in a breathe as Remus stepped out-his hair was sticking to his forehead in wet strands, rogue drops of water clung to his skin here and there, but he was mostly dry and well clothed. His eyes were wide open and his lips still chapped from sleep. He smiled warmly at Sirius and Sirius had to fight down the urge to rise and claim them.

"S'all yours." Remus said, slipping from the doorway in order to get a pair of socks from the wardrobe, Sirius' eyes followed him. His hips swayed slightly with each step. He could make out the lithe muscles beneath the shirt as the man bent to retrieve what he needed from the bottom drawer. A lump formed in his throat and when Remus turned back to the other man, his pupils were blown.

Raising a brow, Remus' mouth opened and closed before he finally offered him another small smile. "Alright?" he murmured, snapping Sirius out of his trance.

The dark haired man nodded and offered a strained smile.

"How're you feeling? You look a bit better than you did last night. You still ought to tell Lily about it though, she'd be able to fix you up better than I did." the werewolf said, coming over to join Sirius on the bed. He sat rather close to the other man and as such their thighs were pressed together.

Sirius' breath caught in his throat as a result of such close contact, his silver eyes darting up to meet Remus' amber orbs. He watched, as if from afar, as Remus tentatively reached a hand out to brush Sirius' hair off his forehead. He watched the other's full lips pull up into a tentative smile. Why was Remus acting like this? How could he possibly be ignoring that kiss?

Sirius could barely restrain himself, and when Remus' tongue darted out to wet his lower lip, he couldn't stop the groan that had been building up in his throat from slipping out.

Horrified, Sirius watched as Remus' eyes went wide in surprise, his hand pausing as he stared at Sirius in confusion.

Fuck.

"Ah- Er- Remus- I-" Sirius began, stuttering just a bit. "Sorry" was all he could spit out in the end though, a highly insufficient explanation for the noise. Remus simply blinked owlishly at him before furrowing his brow. His fingers traced through Sirius' hair before dropping to his own lap and repeating the sentiment in the form of a question.

"-Sorry?" his voice was tight and had something coiling in Sirius' gut.

"Sorry." Sirius confirmed softly. Remus frowned.

"What for?"

"Oh- Uh- Well- I mean- It's just- Um- I like when you- Uh- when you- It's just- " Sirius stammered, wishing he could simply shove his foot in his mouth where it belonged.

Remus continued to look at him, his innocent eyes flicking from Sirius' eyes to his lips and back again as he tried to make sense of what the other man was saying.

"I- I- the sound- Er- Merlin- The groan- if it was a groan- was it a groan? What classifies a groan? I mean- Uh- that noise I made- it was- because- cause- I like when you- do that." he said, sounding as inarticulate as ever.

"Do what?" was Remus' simple reply, one side of his mouth pulling up into a half smile that had Sirius' insides twisting up into knots.

Reaching out, Sirius pressed Remus' hand to his face, allowing the others fingers to brush his hair. Remus eyes widened momentarily before his gaze softened as did his smile. Sirius knew it was a lie because in truth his groan was a result of his overactive imagination using the image of Remus' tongue running over his lower lip to breathe new life into his fantasies, but this was true as well. He loved when Remus touched him and he felt utterly overjoyed by the look of pride on Remus' face at the moment.

"This?" he repeated, voice barely above a whisper as his fingertips fluttered over the contours of Sirius' face-tracing the line of his jaw, the curve of his brow and lips..

Sirius' eyes slipped shut, letting out a silent breath as he relaxed into the gentle touch and nodded. Remus' cool hand over his inflamed skin felt wonderful. He sighed as Remus settled his palm over the bruise covering his jaw, leaning into the touch and peeking his eyes open to look at the other man who seemed utterly amazed by all this. Sirius offered him a gentle smile which had the other man lighting up a bit more.

"Don't look so surprised." he murmured, causing Remus to furrow his brow a bit, "I need you too, you know."

The bright smile that took over Remus' mouth, made the statement all the more true.

* * *

If it had been any other day, Sirius would have skipped the shower. However, after last night, he really needed one. He felt utterly disgusting and as hungry as he was, he knew he'd enjoy breakfast that much more if he couldn't feel the dried blood caking his hair or the layer of dirt that he could swear was encasing him.

Closing his eyes, Sirius leaned his head against the cool tiles, letting the warm cascade of water pound against his back as he stood beneath the spray. His minds eye was filled with images of Remus, his memory replaying the sensation of the other's hands against his skin, the warm, happy smile that lit up his features. It was incredible and impossible and Sirius didn't know what to do with it.

Sirius didn't do well when he felt overwhelmed. Usually, he avoided the thing that was the cause of it, but that wasn't an option now-nor did he want it to be. He just had to figure this out. Of course, he had absolutely no idea how to do that which really made it that much worse.

Sighing, Sirius gently rapped his forehead against the tiled wall, trying to knock the images of Remus out of his head. Predictably, his method didn't work ..at all. In fact, with every rap against the wall, the images grew in their strength, becoming much more vivid than they had been previously. His hormones were going haywire and a stirring in his lions told him that if he kept this up, it would soon became pretty apparent what all this meant.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Sirius tried to focus. He had to think of unpleasant things like John Gilmore, blood, Kreacher, his mother ..oh Merlin, his mother. Sirius shuddered. It seemed to have worked until he heard someone outside the bathroom door. Remus. Remus was waiting for him.

This time, there was nothing he could do to stop his blood from rushing south as his mind sped up, images of Remus flowing freely. Groaning, Sirius bit his lower lip. What was he supposed to do now? Normally, he'd simply take care of it. However, he couldn't help but feel extremely guilty. He should not be thinking of Remus like this.

But he was and his very prominent erection made it hard to ignore.

Pursing his lips together, he flicked his eyes over to the door, as if waiting for it to burst open and Remus to come in in order to let him know just how twisted Sirius really was. When that didn't happen, he pushed the curtain aside to grab his wand - quickly casting a silencing charm before dropping his wand with a clatter.

As soon as he was sure Remus would have absolutely no idea just how perverse his room mate actually was, Sirius reached down and took himself in hand, letting out a relieved moan in response. Merlin, he felt like he was bloody 15 years old again. Having to sneak a wank in the shower because he didn't want anyone else to know about it, was far too embarrassed to risk it otherwise.

Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he stroked himself slowly, rubbing his thumb over the bead of pre-cum already accumulated at the tip of his penis. Allowing himself to let go, his mind zeroed in on the moment he had with Remus last night. Remus' sharp amber eyes came into focus. He watched as the werewolf's clever tongue darted out over his full, lower lip. Grunting in response to the image, Sirius picked up his pace, his hand moving faster over his cock as his mind brought Remus' phantom hands to the forefront.

It was easy, Sirius thought guiltily, to imagine that his hand was actually Remus'. Remus' hands were soft and yet somehow callousy. His touch was always so gentle, like a ghost, unless his hands were curled into the front of Sirius' robes or shirts. Merlin, he had a lot of ammunition to use for this.

Bracing himself against the shower wall with his free hand, he thought of every arousing thing Remus had done; the way he slung his leg over Sirius' sometimes when they slept, the way his throat undulated when drinking butterbeer. He thought of how his delicate hands curled around his tea cups, cradling the china carefully as he sipped at the drink. He imagined Remus on their bed, peering over one of his books and raising an amused eye brow at him. He thought of the way his hands felt as they skirted over his hands, arms and face. And finally ..finally ..he thought of the kiss.

It had seemed so innocent at first, so chaste, until that brief swipe of tongue. It had been, by far, the sexiest kiss Sirius had ever received and Remus had barely even kissed him.

With a load groan, eyes squeezed shut, Sirius came against the tiled wall, his body tensing before relaxing as he let himself go.

Bonelessly sliding down to sit on the shower floor, Sirius sucked in deep breaths - ignoring how cold the water had grown since he had begun all this.

That had been mind blowing, truly. And, because of that, Sirius could only come to one conclusion. He fancied Remus. It was new and alarming, but a part of him had known ever since the other man had first opened his eyes and looked at him. He was stuck then. He should have known.

Merlin. He was in deep.

* * *

After what he had done in the shower, Sirius found it difficult to look Remus in the eye. As soon as he emerged from the steam filled room, he went about fussing over non-essential thing; buttoning up his shirt in a painstakingly slow manner, choosing a pair of socks and slowly tugging them on. He took forever just to figure out what he even wanted to wear.

Eventually, after Sirius had stood in front of the wardrobe, raking his hand through his hair as he tried to figure out if he ought to wear an undershirt or not, Remus felt the need to say something.

"I'm sure this will all still be here after breakfast, Sirius. If we don't hurry up, James might very well eat it all."

Oh, yes, James certainly would. Sirius knew Remus was right, but still his gaze lingered a little longer before finally shifting over to the werewolf.

Remus was sitting at Sirius' desk, resting on his elbows which were propped against the wooden surface. Spread out in front of him was yet another book, however it didn't hold the tawny haired man's attention. No, Remus was gazing intently at him.

A lump formed in Sirius' throat and he rushed to get rid of it. Giving him a curt nod in agreement, he cleared his throat before jerking his head to the door and moving to open it. Remus was quick to follow. Usually Sirius waited for him, even held his hand or slipped a comforting arm around his shoulders. He seemed reluctant to touch Remus this morning though.

Well, Remus thought, that wasn't entirely true. After Remus had emerged from the shower, he had had that moment with Sirius on their bed. Remus still flushed to think about it. It had been perhaps the most perfect moment of his life. Remus had thought it was wonderful and Sirius seemed to feel the same. So what was wrong? Was it the kiss? Had Sirius' mind just caught up to all that now?

Frowning, and needing some sort of reassurance, Remus jogged up to fall in step beside Sirius, taking his hand like he normally did. Sirius tensed for a moment, flashing Remus a strained smile as they descended the stairs. Remus' stomach sank.

"Something wrong?" he asked, voice low so as not to draw attention to it even though James and Lily were the only other people in the house.

Sirius shook his head to negate it, but Remus knew something was up. How could it not be?

Choosing to ignore this, Remus held back a sigh and nodded. He wanted to say more, wanted to tell Sirius that if something was wrong, he could tell him. It didn't make sense to him and he desperately wanted to return to that moment, to skirt his fingers over Sirius' arms and face. That was impossible though. He had gone from then to now and in that short span of time, something had gone wrong. Remus just couldn't figure out what it was.

Entering the kitchen, hand still clutching Sirius', he was met with three people as opposed to the two both men had been expecting. Even Sirius seemed surprised to see Dumbledore sitting at the kitchen table with James and Lily.

As predicted, James' plate was piled high with food- any and every kind of food that Lily had decided to prepare for breakfast that morning. Thankfully the red head had thought ahead of time to make a lot, knowing that her husband as well as her husband's best mate, would be especially hungry after last night.

Dumbledore himself was complimenting Lily on her pancakes, as they each took a seat. Sirius smiled at the older wizard, dipping his head in acknowledged respect. "Professor." he greeted.

Dumbledore smiled in return, "Good Morning, Sirius." he said before his eyes shifted over to Remus, "Mr. Lupin."

Remus felt the need to shrink away from his all seeing gaze, but instead he gave the wizard a curt nod before turning his eyes to his plate. Whenever Dumbledore was around he felt exposed and he hated it. He knew Dumbledore was, by all means, a good man. But he gave him strange vibes that he just didn't feel like dealing with, especially now.

"I just stopped by to give you this." Dumbledore said after a moment, during which Sirius had begun to follow James' example, piling his plate high with food. He paused at Dumbledore's words though, unsure as to who had been addressed before he noticed his eyes were focused on Remus.

Remus furrowed his brow as the older man produced a funny looking vial from his robes and set it before him. Flicking his eyes up to meet the Professor's sky blue orbs, he parted his lips to speak but found his voice caught once more.

Dumbledore smiled kindly, "During your time spent in the containment facility, a potion was discovered." he explained, "It's called the Wolfsbane Potion. It allows the recipient to keep their minds the night of the full moon which- if I am not mistaken- is in two days."

Remus blanched. He had forgotten all about the moon. It felt strange to realize that something that had dictated his entire life up until this point had gone over looked, even for a second. He had been so caught up in all this that he hadn't even had the chance to worry. Judging from his shocked expression, Dumbledore seemed to know as well.

Shaking himself out of it, Remus cleared his throat and carefully picked up the vial- holding it delicately as if it might explode with just the tiniest slight of hand. "The Wolfsbane Potion." Remus repeated. It was the first time he had spoken before Dumbledore, but the older man showed no surprise. Instead he simply nodded his head.

"I can keep my mind." he added, repeating what Dumbledore had just told him in a wondrous tone. Again, Dumbledore nodded.

"I'll know who I am. I'll remembered myself." Remus pressed. The old wizard gave him a wizened smile.

"You'll remember yourself entirely. Mind you, we'll still be sure to keep you in a secure room, but you will not be chained up in any manner."

Remus couldn't help but stare then. His mind was spinning out of control. How was this possible? This was a miracle. In a world that so despised him, someone had found a way to help. He could keep his mind. The moon would come and go and throughout the whole ordeal he would still be Remus Lupin.

"You're to take this two hours before moon rise and adjourn to the room at the end of the hall on the second floor one hour before moon rise. Yes?" Dumbledore informed him and Remus nodded.

"Right then- well- I have a few other things to attend to today. I'll leave you all now."

With that Dumbledore rose and swept out of the room in a blur of brilliant blue robes with sparkling silver stars.

Remus all the while was captivated by the vial in his hand.

How could something so small, so simple, alter his life so much? Remus was used to being chained up for the moon, locked away in even worse conditions for the painful transformations. Several inmates had died due to wounds inflicted upon themselves during the night. After all- no one died of old age in a werewolf containment center. It was just unheard of.

Enchanted as he was by the dark potion, it wasn't until he felt a hand on his arm that he was finally able to tear his gaze away.

Sirius offered him a small smile, his hand retreating back from Remus as soon as the werewolf looked at him.

"I said, that's got to be a comfort, yeah?" Sirius repeated himself. Remus nodded, still too dumb founded to form coherent thoughts.

Lily, however, was simply beaming at the man who had quickly become her friend. "I kept meaning to bring it up to you- the moon that is- but it kept slipping my mind!" the red head commented, her full lips pulling up into a beautiful smile that had Remus feeling somewhat better at the strained smiles that he was sharing with Sirius.

Remus nodded, hesitating a moment before deciding to speak. "It had actually slipped my mind ..the moon I mean. For the first time in a decade, it actually slipped my mind." Remus said, his statement just that though his tone revealed his confusion as to just how that had happened.

Lily looked sympathetically at him, nodding her head in turn. "Yes- well- a great many things end up slipping your mind because these two" she gestured to James and Sirius, both of whom had their mouths full of food, "tend to beat the sense right out of you."

James and Sirius made muffled noises of protest, causing Remus' lips to pull up in a smile, especially when Sirius looked at him with a light in his eyes. It made him feel all the better.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay! I know I said the moon would be in this chapter ..but I lied. It's in the next chapter which I'm already working on. Yay! Again, I'd like to thank everyone for all the awesome reviews! It's what inspired me to keep going with this story. :D


	10. Chapter 10

"I don't know how you do it, Sirius. I really don't." Lily commented some time later.

She was kneeling in front of the dark haired wizard, patching up the various injuries he'd received the previous night. Sirius himself had the consideration to at least try and sit still, fidgeting every now and then as Lily guided her wand over the multiple cuts and bruises adorning his skin.

"Well-" Sirius began, his tone informative even though he was technically in an inferior position, "-it's all part of being a Marauder Lils, really."

Lily scowled, her eyes remaining light. "I suppose-" she murmured softly as she began to apply the salve to the bruise on his jaw, "I can't really blame you."

James, who was watching the scene while propped up against the door jam, seemed thoroughly surprised by her comment. Lily didn't condone violence ..ever ..especially if someone had gone out looking for it like Sirius had.

"Come again?" the dark haired man asked, ignoring the sting he felt as she cast a spell to knit the skin above his brow back together. The stretching and weaving certainly felt uncomfortable, to say the least.

"I said, I-can't-really-blame-you." the entire statement came out in a rush of air, the syllables morphing together to form a single word that was nearly indecipherable.

"Well, well, well James, looks like your Lily Pad isn't as innocent as she puts on!" was Sirius' response, a cheeky grin plastered across his face as he tried to get a look at his friend. Of course, since James was standing behind him and Sirius wasn't supposed to be moving in the first place, that was nearly impossible. All he really managed to do was wiggle in his chair a bit before Lily glared at him and he froze once more.

"Oh hush you." Lily replied, tone serious though she couldn't stop her lips from trying to twitch up into a smile. The sight had Sirius grinning all the more. It was a look Lily knew well. It was a look that meant trouble.

"Don't push it Black." she warned as she stood up, pointing a stern finger in his face. The action had James laughing.

"Ah- there she is!" James said with a wide smile as he crossed the room to stand behind his wife. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he propped his chin against her shoulder and peered down at Sirius.

"Well, he looks a mite better- which is saying something since he was nearly impossible to stomach looking at before."

Lily laughed as Sirius responded with an "Oi!" in protest. Reaching for the nearest projectile, Sirius proceeded to chuck one of the used bandages Lily had removed from his knuckles at the other man. Hitting him square on, Sirius grinned as he watched the gauze bounce off James' forehead causing the bespectacled man to look absolutely horrified.

"Used dressings!" he all but shrieked, leaping away from the red head with an undignified shriek. "Unsanitary! Foul, I say, foul!" James cried.

Sirius' grin took on a certain smugness in response, his chin jutting out defiantly as Lily laughed along.

"Lily, c'mon, make the call!" her husband pleaded, even as he scrubbed his forehead viciously with his hand. Which, of course, succeeded in doing nothing other than reddening the skin there.

"When did I become the referee in the sick little games you two play?" was his wife's response, her slim brow arching as she folded her arms over her chest to maintain a distanced position, despite being directly in the middle of the combat.

"When you agreed to date the tosser!" Sirius declared, winning smile still firmly in place on his face.

"I always thought that was a mistake on her part." came a voice from the door causing all three heads in the room to turn.

Peter Pettigrew grinned as he entered the kitchen, taking a seat beside Sirius at the table.

"Oi, Pete! What the hell mate?" came James' hurt response causing Sirius to let out a bark of laughter and Lily to turn to her husband.

Wrapping her arms around his waist this time, she pressed affectionate kisses along the strong line of his jaw which certainly placated James for the moment.

Falling into more civilized conversation then, Peter said "So, what's up then? That werewolf still here or what?"

"His name is Remus." Lily supplied, cutting Sirius off, "And yes, he's still here."

Peter frowned, "Really? Why? I thought that lot had all been ..relocated or whatever it is that Dumbledore does with them."

Peter was even more insensitive than James sometimes.

Sirius frowned. "He has been relocated. From the containment center to here."

"Well, I know that, but isn't he unstable or whatever? I mean, it's not our job to take care of some whacked werewolf, innit?"

Even James scowled in response to this, shaking his head and looking away from his friend for a moment.

"He's not whacked." Lily replied, pursing her lips to keep a hold of herself. Peter didn't know any better, was her reasoning. It was how he got away with a lot of things-them underestimating him. "He's just adjusting to living here is all."

Sirius himself looked too livid to even respond. His newly healed hands were curled into fists at his side as he glared at the other man.

"Peter, mate, I know this might be difficult, but why don't you try to scrounge around and find the one sympathetic bone in your body. I know it's there. And when you do, maybe then I'll actually listen to what you have to say on the matter, yeah?" Sirius snapped - revealing how short his temper really was.

Lily fell silent as Peter flushed.

"Right, Sirius. Sorry." he squeaked, looking a bit better when Sirius nodded him off.

"So, what have you been up to then? Haven't seen you around lately." James broke the silence after a moment, drawing Peter's attention once more.

"Oh, you know ..this and that." he replied vaguely, pushing some of the left over crumbs from breakfast around the table with the tip of his pointer finger. "Anyway, I just came over to see you guys." he perked up a bit as he said this, eyes darting over to James and Lily since he knew Lily was quick to overlook over his failings and James followed suit. "I missed you guys."

Lily smiled warmly at the man then and Peter knew all was forgiven.

* * *

Outside the kitchen, Remus frowned. He knew eavesdropping was wrong. Not so much from experience, but simply because he had a terrible gnawing sensation in the pit of his gut as he listened in.

He had come down to join Sirius, James and Lily in the kitchen shortly after Peter had arrived. However, upon reaching the threshold, his ears picked up the slightly familiar tone of their other friend and he paused. A part of him wished he hadn't as he listened in to the others sentiments.

Peter didn't know him well enough, Remus reasoned. The others didn't think of him like that though ..right? Remus frowned, feeling a bit better as Lily came to his defense, but silently wondering why Sirius wasn't.

After Peter decided to describe him as a whacked werewolf though, Remus decided he'd heard enough and turned to leave. Was that why Sirius was acting so weird all of a sudden? Maybe Remus had crossed a line.

If that was true though, then why had Sirius seemed so pleased earlier by his actions? He hadn't been thoroughly repulsed when Remus had touched him this morning, nor had he shoved him off when he'd kissed him last night. That had to be a positive sign, right?

Or was it what Peter said? Remus found it hard to believe that Sirius thought him unstable, but if he did it would make sense for the other man not to want to upset him. Sirius pushing him away would certainly do that. Was Sirius just trying to be kind to him? Was that all this was?

As soon as that seed had planted itself in his mind, Remus felt sick. That had to be it. Maybe Sirius had taken the time to think about it while he was in the shower. He had spent an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom this morning and after the fact he'd been unable to even look at Remus.

Because he felt guilty, because maybe Sirius felt bad for poor Remus Lupin- the unstable werewolf who was simply stumbling through the real world with a blindfold on. Maybe he just wanted to help him because he was a good person and that was it. That was all.

Not for the first time, Remus wished he knew what was normal and what wasn't. It would be so much easier to try and interpret his friend's actions if he could make heads or tails of them.

Remus knew that Sirius was far more affectionate with Remus than anyone else, not that they had been around too many people other than Lily and James. Still, James was extremely close with Sirius and he didn't share his bed, nor did he hold James' hand. Yes, sometimes Sirius slipped his arm around James' shoulders or vice versa, but it didn't seem to be as intimate as when he did it with Remus.

Not to mention, Sirius had gone to 'defend Remus' honor', if you could call it that, last night. That said something right? That certainly fit in with a romantic scheme unless Remus was mistaken. Merlin, he was terribly confused.

For a moment, he contemplated asking Lily but the thought alone had him feeling so flustered that he quickly tossed that idea out.

Trudging up the stairs, Remus returned to their room and settled into the window seat with a book. However, he found himself reading the same sentence over and over again once he did, without once grasping what it had said. His mind was far too preoccupied with his other thoughts, that he couldn't even begin to try to forget about his worries ..even for a second.

* * *

After coming to the startling conclusion that maybe, just maybe, Remus had been reading into his and Sirius' relationship all wrong, an uncomfortable veil fell over the two men's relationship. Each seemed to be dancing around the other, waiting for something to give, but terrified of what that might mean.

Sirius was waiting for a sign, any sign at all, that Remus both knew and understood what it meant when one person to kissed another. He spent an inordinate amount of time wondering whether or not he had missed any indicator that Remus knew what he'd been doing that night and the following morning. So far ..he was coming up blank and it was by far the most frustrated he had ever been in his life.

As for Remus, he was simply trying to understand whether or not Sirius truly cared for him in the manner Remus had once thought or if his friend was just being nice because that was who he was.

However, since neither of the two men were aware of what the other was thinking, it was impossible for them to find the answers they so desired in the thick silences that now enveloped them. The distance was unsettling for both Remus and Sirius, though Sirius felt somewhat relieved as he still felt guilty for having such dirty thoughts about Remus. However, Remus just took it as further confirmation that Sirius was trying to distance himself from the werewolf because he didn't feel the same and was trying to let him down gently.

All in all, neither knew what to do and their friends were at a loss as to what had happened.

Lily was completely and utterly clueless as to what could have happened to put such a wedge between the two, who had been all but inseparable previously. After the night of the raid, she had expected their relationship to pick up. She knew Sirius well enough to know that the way he acted around Remus was a rare occurrence indeed and she knew precisely what it meant. As for Remus, she was still a bit unsure as to how to read the werewolf, but she was fairly certain he felt the same. Now though, she was second guessing herself.

Looking across the dinner table at the two men, she frowned. Tonight was the full moon so Lily had offered to cook a meal for them. Remus didn't seem very hungry though as he pushed his food around his plate with his fork. Sirius himself was completely occupied by his dinner, carefully cutting his meat up in order to have something to focus on aside from the people he was with.

What the bloody hell had happened?

Frowning, she looked over at James who looked uncomfortable but not at all surprised. Did he know something she didn't?

Shooting her husband a questioning look, he returned it with a sadly accepting smile and a shake of the head. Lily was normally adept at interpreting his gestures, but she failed to do so this time.

Mouthing the word 'after' to his wife, he turned back to his dinner just as Remus scraped his chair back and stood up.

"S'almost the two hour mark. I should go take that potion." he murmured, twisting his hands together nervously. Sirius finally looked up from his meal to look at his room mate, seeming torn as to what he ought to do next. Lily fully expected him to comfort Remus since that was what he normally did, but she was surprised when he gave Remus a curt nod instead.

"It'll be over before you know it." were the only words he offered the other before turning back to his dinner and completely missing the defeated look on Remus' face.

"Right." he replied, clearing his throat before looking over at Lily.

"I think I'll set up in that room after. Will one of you make sure to secure the wards in an hour?"

James nodded in response, "Course we will, mate."

Remus flashed him a strained smile. "Thanks James." he said, before turning his gaze to Lily. "Thanks for dinner. It was delicious. Sorry I didn't have much of an appetite."

"Oh, don't worry. It's understandable." she said, hesitating for a brief moment before standing as well. Closing the distance, however small, between them, she enveloped the werewolf in her arms and held him close. Remus let out a breath of relief and allowed himself to be coddled. It was a first for the full moon and Remus found that, as annoyed as he usually was by any and all contact at this time, he didn't mind so much when he cared for the person giving it.

"When the moon sets, we'll be here, okay?" she murmured into his tawny locks and Remus nodded, turning his head into the crook of her shoulder and taking a deep breath.

Lily always smelt wonderful, like a meadow- fresh rainfall and the light scent of flowers. It comforted Remus since he hadn't really hugged Sirius in days. Of course, while Lily smelt like a meadow, Sirius smelt like home and the ache in Remus' chest drew his attention to just how much he missed that.

Finally releasing her after another long moment, Lily stepped back and gently touched her fingers to his cheek with a soft smile.

Remus managed to return it, giving her a final nod before shooting one to James and leaving. The moon was finally upon him.

As soon as the werewolf had disappeared from the room, the red head rounded on her husband's friend with a vicious look.

James tried to warn Sirius, but the other man was too busy frowning at his mashed potatoes to make note of the angry red head. It wasn't until Lily had chucked a biscuit at his head that he looked up.

Scowling, he rubbed his temple gently and leveled his gaze with hers. "What the hell, Lil?" he grumbled, dropping his hand and returning it to the table.

"_Me _what the hell? _You _what the hell!" was her annoyed response.

Sirius had the good sense to look remorseful.

"What's going on with you two? One minute you and he are attached at the hip, the next you're sitting in silence with a full kilometer of space between you!"

Lily watched as the dark haired man's features morphed into a look of cool indifference that she knew so well, before he replied. "I don't see how that's any of your business."

The frown already marring her features etched itself deeper as she glared at him. "It's my business because Remus is my friend and so are you. Clearly something is wrong."

"Leave it alone, Lily." James interjected causing the red head to cast him a slightly wide eyed look.

"Wha- you know? You know what's going on?" she asked, though it sounded more like an accusation.

James winced. "Not ..exactly, but it's their business. Not ours."

"Exactly." Sirius agreed, silently thanking his friend for sticking his neck out like that. Sirius knew that James had made the conclusion that, upon thinking about it, Sirius had decided that it wasn't worth the risk of their friendship to give a relationship a go. While that wasn't quite true, Sirius didn't feel the need to correct him and accepted his support all the same.

Lily, however, didn't know any of this and remained where she was, a frown on her pretty face as her eyes darted between the two men at the table.

"Was it a fight?" she asked, not willing to drop the conversation just yet.

Sirius didn't bother to answer her.

"I thought you two had made up after that night." she said, brow furrowing slightly as she tried to work it out for herself.

"And, other than that, what would you two have to fight about? -Nothing, right? You get along so well and I was certain-" she trailed off with a frown, eyeing Sirius carefully before shifting her focus to her husband.

Lily had suspected, for quite a while, that Sirius wasn't as straight as he pretended to be. Throughout their schooling Lily had had to listen to the girls in her year (and all the other years, really) fawn over the dashing brunette. Sirius had gotten around, never having a steady girlfriend, but making it well known that he was a ladies man. After getting together with James, Lily had seen first hand how the other man was around woman. He was certainly charming, but he always seemed to be lacking ..something. It wasn't until that day in their kitchen that Lily realized what it was. She had to wonder if James had noticed it too.

James, however, remained perfectly silent. His brown eyes focusing on the pitcher of water on the table, tracing the drops of condensation down the glass container as they slowly slid down to settle on the table.

"Whatever it is, you ought to talk to him about it because he looked just as confused as I was about the sudden distance between you two." Lily finally concluded.

Sirius made a dismissive noise, murmuring something about her minding her own business that she tactfully chose to ignore.

"I'm serious, Sirius Black."

"No, he is." James replied, trying to make light of the situation with the terrible pun. When Sirius didn't even crack a smile though, he realized it wasn't quite time to joke around yet and cleared his throat.

"Well then, I suppose- uh- dishes? Yes." Rising, he began to clear the plates from the table, sending the china sailing over to settle beside the sink. Lily watched Sirius for a moment longer before sighing and going over to help her husband.

At that moment, Remus found himself staring out the window in the room Dumbledore had designated as the one he was to transform in. The sun was slowly sinking in the sky, casting the world below in a haze of gold. If he wasn't so torn up inside, he might actually find the sight pretty.

It was late November, most of the leaves had already fallen from the trees and were littering the ground below. The skeletons of the trees danced and arched against the brilliant sky, looking black against the horizon of pinks and oranges that made up the backdrop behind them.

Few people were out. Remus wondered whether it was because a chill was beginning to set in, or if they felt the same sense of foreboding that he did. It was strange, he thought, he had had felt fine up until the day Dumbledore reminded him what was going to come.

After that, the aches began to set in. It started in his joints and permeated outward until his whole body felt like a gaping wound and the skin that encased it, too tight to possibly fit him properly. Growling low in his throat, he scratched at his arm which actually did more harm than good.

He hated this. He hated what lycanthropy had done to him. What he hated even more though was how he couldn't properly remember a time without it. He could remember his parents, but he couldn't remember how he felt when he was with them. He couldn't remember a time when the moon wasn't a curse.

Turning his back on the window and the world outside, he glanced around the room. It was empty, as was appropriate. The floor a dark wood and the walls a deep green. The sole item littering the floor was a bed (a dog bed, he noted with mixed feelings), located in the corner of the room. For him to curl up in.

The wolf didn't like curling up. Remus knew that for a fact since he often woke up, sprawled out in a strange position. Never before had he had this potion though. Tonight, he told himself, would be different.

Settling down in the corner, Remus pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his scrawny arms around them and resting his head against his knees. It wouldn't be long now.

* * *

Lily and James fell into a rhythm all their own as they cleaned up after dinner. Sirius knew that helping, at the very least, would be the decent thing to do. However, he didn't particularly want to, especially after Lily had tried to stick her nose in his business.

While he loved Lily like a sister, he didn't like when she was nosy. Had he been rational, he might have seen that she was only doing it out of love for both him and Remus. Sirius either didn't want to or simply couldn't recognize this. Instead he was just frustrated ..with the whole situation.

Sirius had fancied plenty of girls before Remus. Never had he ever experienced such a rollercoaster of emotions as a result though. He knew he cared about Remus, that much was obvious. He wanted to help the other man through all this. He longed to comfort him when he was upset, cheer him up when he needed cheering, just be there for him in general no matter what. He wanted to be the person Remus relied on, the one Remus turned to above anyone else. He wanted to be the most important person in Remus' life and he felt selfish for feeling as such.

Not to mention the guilt. The guilt was the worst part of the mix. Not only did Sirius feel uneasy about going against the deemed social norms of their society (then again, he often mused, their society was so fucked up it actually said more about him that he wasn't following along with their trends), but he also felt terrible for fancying someone who was still getting back on their feet.

Remus had been adjusting well to his new life, but he was still missing out on so much. He hadn't even tackled half the obstacles he had to yet. He had no idea what the real world was like because he had never been a part of it. Not to mention he was so socially awkward that it looked almost painful at times. Sirius did his best to ease him into situations, but he was lacking the common sense most people their age had. Sirius didn't know how to read Remus, really. He felt guilty for having allowed the man to kiss him, even though he had wanted him to and thoroughly enjoyed it when he did, because he wasn't sure Remus fully understood the implications. He knew he should ask someone, James or Lily maybe, but it wasn't any of their business. It was his business, his and Remus.

He felt terrible for Lily's observation though.

_..He looked just as confused as I was about the sudden distance between you two.._

Sirius hadn't even thought of how Remus might feel about his new demeanor. Sirius had simply expected him to understand, but how was he to understand Sirius' misguided signals when he was still picking up basic social cues? Remus probably felt awful and Sirius hadn't even had the decency to say anything. He should have talked to Remus, he knew that, but he hadn't wanted to embarrass the other man if Remus had just read into everything all wrong.

Not to mention, a little voice in the back of his head said, he didn't want to have to grapple with the thought that Remus might not feel the same way about Sirius. Sirius knew that romantic inclinations and prospects were probably the least of Remus' worries. He could picture the confused look that would come across the werewolf's face if Sirius ever brought it up, followed by the shock of understanding and finally the weight of rejection. He couldn't face it, didn't want to face it.

Sirius had been rejected enough times in his life. He felt like he had a right to avoid it at all costs, even though he put on a front of not caring about such things. The truth was he did. He was only human. Everyone wanted to have a place in this world. Isolation was far too lonely and to lack a sense of belonging was just ..so ..awful. Sirius belonged with James, Lily and Peter, but he also belonged with Remus. He belonged with him as a friend and more. If he didn't address the more though, it would always be a possibility. However, if he addressed it and was turned down it would become a lost dream and lost dreams tended to fester in the back of his mind. He did not want an abscess of rejection marring his thoughts. He wanted possibilities!

Despite all this though, Sirius knew Lily was right. And that was the reason he had been so angry with her for having the nerve to address the elephant in the room that night, whether he chose to acknowledge that or not.

An hour before moon rise found Sirius standing outside the door of Remus' room. James was at his side, setting the wards up as he'd promised. He had just popped out of the room, having talked to Remus for a bit before going about the task he was given.

Sirius should have gone in. He should have spoken to Remus. But he hadn't and now it was too late. James was lowering his wand.

Watching his friend's brown eyes flick down the hall to make sure Lily wasn't coming up to join them, he turned his gaze on Sirius and remained silent. But only for a moment.

"You thought about it then?" he asked in a low voice. The question had Sirius frowning. Of course he had thought about it. How couldn't he? He didn't want to have this conversation though. There were more pressing matters at hand.

"Do you really want to have this conversation now?" was Sirius' hissed reply, frowning at his best friend with enough conviction that James actually paused for a moment before nodding.

"I wouldn't be asking otherwise. Clearly something is up."

Would they ever stop poking and prodding him for information? Blood Potters.

"Clearly." Sirius replied dryly, rolling his eyes in an attempt to get out of this conversation.

James matched Sirius' frown with one of his own then, raising a brow and folding his arms over his broad chest.

"Spill."

"What is this, girl talk? When did you become a bird mate?" Sirius snapped, turning away from the door and starting down the hall.

He heard James heave a long suffering sigh before his footsteps padded down the hall to catch up with him.

Reaching out, he grabbed Sirius' arm only to find it snatched away from him in a second. Sirius glared at James.

"Listen to your own advice, yeah? Just leave it alone."

"I can't leave it alone. You look miserable. Remus looks miserable. Whatever decision you made.." James hesitated then, suddenly looking unsure of his assessment.

"What James?" Sirius demanded, eyes flashing as James cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Whatever decision you made, I think it might have been the wrong one." he said in a low tone, before turning on his heel and descending the stairs, leaving Sirius alone in the hallway.

* * *

Remus discovered that, despite his original assumption of the Wolfsbane Potion, it wasn't all positive.

For one thing, the pain was actually worse than it had ever been during his transformation.

As far as his transformation usually went, Remus was used to the inexplicable pain that shot through every single nerve in his body as soon as the moon rose. He was used to his entire body lighting up in absolute agony as his bones began to break and reset themselves into entirely new positions. His muscles stretched obscenely as his skin gave way to tuffs of fur. However, the pain, though nearly maddening in its intensity, soon became lost along with his mind.

Remus was certain that he suffered. He just couldn't remember it the next day.

With the potion, however, he did. No longer was his pain a brief flash, but a marathon ordeal. He could feel every single bone in his body break beneath the force of his lycanthropy, could feel them twisting deep within him, scoring the surrounding tissue and wrenching screams from his panting lips as the ordeal went on ..and on ..and on. His could feel his muscles snapping with each break, coiling away from the bone they'd previously been attached to. For brief, sickening seconds, they danced without meaning beneath the surface of his skin, sending waves of nausea through him. His body ceased to work in the precise rhythm it was accustomed to, giving way to chaos. He knew there was a pattern lurking somewhere behind the blinding pain, but he failed to see it.

All he could see, all he would see for the next several minutes, was his body bursting open at the seams. He was being torn open from the inside out and there was not a single word, in any of the thousands of languages on the face of this earth, that would ever be adequate to describe just how horrifying it was. The fact that he had to remember it only made it worse.

By the time it was finished, Remus was beyond exhausted. It felt as if his transformation had gone on forever when in reality it hadn't even taken half of an hour. The whole night stretched out before him and he was spend it alone with nothing to dwell on other than the lingering pain still screaming through his body and his thoughts of Sirius.

_..Don't look so surprised ..I need you too.._

Remus whimpered, curling up on the bed in the corner and trying to will the pain away.

It didn't work.

* * *

Lily paced up and down the second floor hallway, stopping every once in a while to sigh and rake a hand through her hair before continuing with her measured steps.

Lily had always been a worrier, it was in her nature. Even as a child, silly little things would cause her tremendous pain. Her mother had said she was simply precise, but it was more than that. Now that she was in the midst of a rebellion, it was even worse.

Lily knew what it was like to be alone. She had been alone for her first three years at Hogwarts really, outcast because of who she was. It wasn't nearly as bad for her as it had been for Remus, but she could at least sympathize with his plight.

Things had grown terrible for muggleborns since her admittance into the Wizarding world. When she had first discovered she was a witch, she was told that her citizenship in their society would be second in comparison to people who had grown up in it (I.e. Purebloods). At 11 years old, Lily thought this was perfectly fair. She hadn't understood the true implications at the time and was so caught up in all her wildest dreams coming true that she hadn't had a chance to question it.

Even when she had first attended Hogwarts and found herself always being seconded behind the other students, she still held her tongue. It was only as she grew older that she began to understand.

It wasn't fair that she wasn't taught the same material as students that came from wizarding families. It wasn't fair that she was denied countless opportunities based on her blood status. She wasn't given the same accommodations as students with pure or half blood. She was at the bottom of the food chain at Hogwarts and she was struggling to find a way up.

Despite being of above average intelligence, she wasn't granted permission to attend higher level classes. Her library access was restricted and she wasn't allowed to participate in sports or the Hogsmeade weekends. She felt more and more suppressed.

At one point, she decided that if she wasn't going to be allowed her rights in this world then she would simply return to the Muggle world. However, she was informed by one of her friends who had tried to do that that it wasn't a good idea. Upon asking why, the girl had simply paled and just said 'trust me.'

And so she was forced to fight from the inside. She taught herself in secret, doing her best to try and receive the same education as other students.

That was how she had met James, Sirius and Peter.

James Potter and his friends were all from magical families and all members of Gryffindor house. Lily hadn't ever been sorted because all muggleborns were placed in the same house. Blodritan House. She later discovered the roots of the words were akin to the meaning dirty blood. Their house animal was a rat. She often wondered what house she would have been sorted into if it had been an option.

Lily knew who the self-proclaimed Marauders were from her very first year at Hogwarts. It was difficult to miss them given how loud they were. Not to mention, their antics were well known among the general Hogwartian population.

Lily both scorned and admired them for the 'pranks' they pulled. Some of them she found particularly cruel, but since they tended to target only the really nasty students, she was more amused than anything.

However, it wasn't until Lily's fourth year at the school, the year she actually started to break the rules, that she came into direct contact with them.

Lily was out after curfew one night, having spent the better portion of her day sneaking around the library, sticking her nose into books she was forbidden to read.

On her way back, she was nearly caught by a prefect on patrol but was pulled into an alcove just in the knick of time by a very handsome boy with terribly messy hair, bright brown eyes and a dashing smile.

"Evans, innit?" he'd said with a wicked grin, and Lily was shocked to realize that a pureblooded boy even knew she existed, let alone her name. "I noticed you sneaking about lately. Mind you, you haven't quite mastered the art yet, but I reckon I could teach you the ropes if you let me take you to Hogsmeade sometime."

"I don't know if you've quite noticed." Lily had replied in a breathless whisper, adrenaline pounding through her veins at the notion of being caught at any moment, "but they don't let muggleborns attend those sorts of things."

James had merely smiled and said, "I know a way. It's fool proof. So, what do you say?" And Lily had been hard pressed to find a reason to resist.

Life, after that, had gotten better. In the blink of an eye, she wasn't alone in her plight anymore. James relayed what he'd learned in his classes to her-checked books out of the library under his name on her behalf-showed her all she was missing. Everything got better even though life was hardly fair.

She had wanted the same for Remus.

Lily had found her knight in shining armor. She knew it was silly and cliché, but she wanted Sirius to do the same for Remus. Sirius was kind underneath it all. He had a big heart, but was often unwilling to show it. Lily knew it probably had something to do with his past, but all the same.

All in all, she thought as she paused in front of the door, pressing her hand to the wood and trying to convey to the werewolf on the other side that she was here, she just wanted Remus to be able to have a proper life in the midst of all this madness.

She knew things were getting worse everyday despite their efforts. Muggleborns were taken away from their families, which had never happened to Lily. Laws were being passed that squashed civil liberties in their wake. And all the while they fought. That didn't mean they couldn't find their own happiness though.

Resting her head against the wood, she heard a quiet creak on the stairs behind her.

"Lily-" James said her name softly, stirring her from her musings.

She loved James Charlus Potter more than she could ever say. She often wondered what her life would have been like without him. She surely would have gotten caught without his and Sirius' direction. The punishment would have been severe, of that she was sure.

Without him ..she very much doubted she would have any freedom at all. He was her best friend, her confidant, her lover.

Turning to him, she smiled warmly. His hair was a bit messier than it had been previously. The sleeves of his fitted blue top were rolled up to his elbows, a soap sud still clinging to his forearm from cleaning up. His glasses, for some reason, were slightly crooked and there was a grass stain on the knee of his jeans. But he was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Closing the distance between them, she wrapped her arms tightly around her husband and clung to him tightly. James hadn't quite expected such a greeting since he had only been gone for twenty minute, but took it all the same.

"Lils, are you alright?" he asked quietly, rubbing circles into the small of her back. She nodded her head against his shoulder.

"M'worried is all." she replied softly, pulling back a bit to look at him. Pushing some of the hair from his forehead, she leaned up to press a kiss there.

"I love you, you know." she said softly and his lips pulled up into a crooked smile.

"How could you not?" was his cheeky response, it had her chuckling which was what he'd been going for.

"Remus will be fine. He's gone through transformations in worse conditions and when the moon sets, you'll be there to patch him up. Now why not come to the sitting room with me and I'll fix you a cup of tea, hm?"

Lily smiled slightly and nodded, glancing briefly back at the door.

"Alright." she agreed in a whisper, sighing once more before looking back at James.

"Where's Sirius?"

"Sulking somewhere, I expect."

Lily pursed her lips together to stave off a frown, unwinding her arms from around James' neck and taking his hand in her own instead. Starting off back down the stairs, she asked "What's up with him?"

James shook his head, raking his free hand through his hair and glancing at his wife out of the corner of his eye.

"Not quite sure. I asked him about it but- he didn't say much."

"It's something to do with Remus though." Lily stated softly as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

James didn't reply, but from their behavior at dinner he really didn't need to.

"He cares for him, doesn't he? In the same way you care for me."

At this James froze, looking entirely unsure as to whether or not he should confirm or deny or just ignore the statement. Lily took the decision out of his hands though as she continued talking.

"It's okay. I've expected as much. It's rather obvious the way those two are ..or were." she replied.

Letting out a breath, James nodded. "He'll figure it out. He just needs time."

"Well, I hope he figures it out soon before it's too late."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **So, this has been a long time coming. I'm so very sorry for the delay! Writer's block can be a terrible thing!

* * *

Usually, Remus spent the night of the full moon raging against the confines of his imposed imprisonment. He'd tear into himself in his attempts to break free, ram repeatedly into the walls or bars holding him back from the freedom he so longed for. When he awoke the next morning, he wouldn't quite remember just how enraged he had been the night before. He would only have the significant wounds as a reminder that nothing in this world was well.

However, last night he hadn't had that problem. He had curled up in the corner and spent the night drifting in and out of sleep. His mind was plagued with all the things that had been bothering him this past week. Sirius' distance. Remus' own lack of comprehension when it came to most anything. The frustration that came with not knowing. The aching loneliness now that Sirius had curled into himself and left Remus on the outside, looking in.

And when the time had finally come for Remus to once again leave his lunar curse behind for another month, he found that the pain of his original transformation was nothing compared to this. True, his body had undergone the same exact changes at moon rise, except in reverse, but he was still sore from his first transformation. It was like rubbing salt into an already gaping, infectious wound. Not to mention his body was too weak to even try to fight and he was left in absolute agony. He hadn't torn at himself before, but this time he couldn't help it. For a few brief, terrifying moments, he was positive that his lungs had simply stopped working and so he clawed at his chest in an effort to get himself breathing once more. His face felt like it was caving in. His ribs felt like they were crumbling. His body felt like it was being simultaneously crushed and torn apart.

And so, finally, he raged again. He raged against the pain and the injustice, he raged against the fear that was consuming him as he adjusted to his true form.

Which is how Lily found him, 20 minutes later. She hadn't slept all night. Neither had James or Sirius. Whatever was going on between Remus and Sirius, it was obvious that it was not due to lack of caring.

Lily had watched, helplessly, as Sirius paced the entire length of the house several times over. He'd often murmur to himself, pulling at his hair as he sighed and repeated the process all over again. James had tried to talk to him, quite a few times, but was always shrugged off.

Sunrise found all three of them outside the room, anxious to get in and see how Remus had gotten along that night. Dumbledore had informed them they were to wait until he arrived though which was the only cause for their delay.

Sighing and kicking the molding running along the bottom of the wall, Sirius angrily said "Why the bloody hell do we have to wait for him? The moon's set. There's no reason for us to be standing about out here when Remus could be hurt in there."

"Dumbledore must have a good reason for it." Lily replied, "He's never led us astray before and he does have more experience with this sort of stuff."

Sirius scowled, muttering angrily under his breath before kicking the molding again.

"He should be here any second now." James said, voice low though Sirius still paid no mind. Lily pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to keep it together. She was just as worried as Sirius was, but she wasn't about to go trying to knock Headquarters down with a few well placed kicks.

As if sensing the unrest in the house, Dumbledore chose that moment to come sweeping up the stairs. Although they had been expecting him, all three were surprised by his sudden appearance. They hadn't heard the floo, nor had they registered the click of the front door opening and closing. Dumbledore had a knack for appearing out of thin air though. It only added to his air of mystery.

"Ah, good morning!" the old man said serenely, a smile on his withered lips as he approached them.

"Morning, Professor." Lily greeted in turn, managing a small smile as the older wizard swept past them.

Pressing his ear to the door and his palm flat against the wood, he hummed softly to himself for a moment before nodding curtly and waving his hand over the area.

And, just like that, the wards disappeared and the door creaked open.

Lily sighed in relief as Dumbledore stepped aside and allowed the three to rush in.

The sight that greeted them was sure to haunt them for a long time to come.

There, lying beside the bed that had been set up for him, was Remus. He looked like a broken china doll. His pale, porcelain skin was cracked and scarred, bleeding at the seams as his thin, rail like limbs pin wheeled around him at odd angles. His body was completely contorted, his chest was a patchwork of gashes that were still oozing blood. Four parallel lacerations ran from above his left brow to the middle of his cheek. And where there weren't gaping wounds, there were bruises of varying colors. He looked like something out of a file from an incident room. 'Body found, foul play suspected.'

Lily gasped, eyes going wide as she stood stock still, staring at the scene before her. Remus whimpered softly upon hearing the noise, his eyes squeezing shut tighter. His breath came out in a death rattle that seemed to shake them all as his chest rose and fell without rhythm.

Sirius felt his heart stop as soon as he saw Remus. All the color left his face, his hands beginning to shake as his stomach threatened to turn itself inside out. Suddenly, all the things that he had been worrying about ceased to make sense. What did his insecurities matter in the face of this? He knew Remus had gone through transformations before, under far worse conditions than this, and lived. But looking at him now, it was hard to believe that he was even alive. The thought scared him more than anything. This was Remus, after all. Kind, loving, beautiful Remus who absolutely lit up for him. Remus whose awkwardness and eccentricities only heightened his allure. How could the man lying twisted up in a bloody heap on the floor be one in the same? How could this Remus be his Remus?

As if watching from a dream, he saw Lily regain her senses and rush forward. James hovered on the edges of his vision, saying things now and again. He tried to hold Remus' hand, but the resulting yelp had the bespectacled man leaping away as if burned. Dumbledore himself hung around, watching over Lily as she went about patching the werewolf up. And Sirius remained frozen in that first moment, unable to move forward as the image of Remus in such distress burned itself permanently in his mind.

It seemed to take forever for Lily to finally finish up. She took painstakingly long to assure that she didn't miss anything at all. She carefully cleaned up his wounds, rubbing healing potions to help speed up the process. Remus whimpered the whole while as she apologized profusely. It was obvious Remus wasn't quite there, instead choosing to rely on his senses. It was hard to begrudge him that after all the pain he had just been through. Lily's hands smoothed carefully over his bruised and battered skin, murmuring softly to Remus and brushing the hair gently off his forehead.

James looked on, amazed at just how talented his wife was. Lily hadn't received any formal training when it came to Healing. Marlene McKinnon was her mentor. Marlene, a pureblood, was enrolled in the Healer program in St. Mungo's but, since she was also a member of the Resistance, she passed that knowledge along to other members who were interested in learning as well. Lily proved to be a natural.

Remus calmed a bit as she drew to an end, turning subconsciously towards her touch.

"S'alright Remus, you're alright. We're here." she said softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead as she finally put down her wand. James swallowed the lump in his throat, finally relaxing. He hadn't realized how tense he was until he had cause to relax.

Dumbledore smiled slightly, resting a hand on Lily's shoulder for a moment. "You did very well, Mrs. Potter. Very well."

Lily flushed slightly at the recognition, continuing to run her fingers through Remus' tawny hair.

Remus was out of the woods, but the amount of pain he would still suffer was apparent from the swaths of bandages wrapped around his frail figure. Sirius hadn't seen him so bare since that first night, but he found it hard to believe he could have missed all the scars that danced and arced across Remus' body. They'd been sharing a room for almost a month now. How had he missed it? Remus' entire body was a covered in lines and webs of scar tissue. There wasn't a single inch of him that didn't hold tribute to his monthly curse.

"We should move him to his room so he can rest." Dumbledore's warm voice cut across Sirius' thoughts, abruptly ending his examination of a particularly brutal looking scar that looked more like the result of an attempted disembowelment than anything else. Pulling his eyes away from the painful, jagged line ripped across Remus' abdomen, he took in the pristine bandages that Lily had so skillfully wrapped around his midsection, taking in the werewolf's pained, scarred face for a moment before turning to the older wizard.

"Mr. Black, if you wouldn't mind?"

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Sirius nodded dumbly, taking a step forward as Lily put her supplies away to make room for Sirius to collect Remus. Carefully kneeling beside Remus' prostrate form, he watched as the werewolf's body subtly shifted closer to him. Watched his small, pale, bandaged hand reach out until it brushed his shoe which had the man sighing. A lump welled up in Sirius' throat as he mimicked Lily's previous actions and carded a hand through Remus' tawny hair. For the first time since their arrival on the horrific scene, Remus' eyes fluttered open and locked with Sirius' own.

Despite the pain he was in, he managed a small, crooked smile. "Sirius." he mumbled, his hand fumbling to grab onto the other mans. "Don't." he continued, voice thick and heavy. Sirius felt his heart stop, moving to pull his hand away as pain ripped through him. Had his distance pushed Remus too far? Had he destroyed everything before it had even properly begun? Then he heard Remus finish. "Don't go." he took in a halting breath, wincing at the pain it caused. "Stay, please. M'sorry- sorry- Dunno- do something? Did I? Sorry. Stay." he managed to mumble out, turning to press a kiss to the center of Sirius' palm that had the brunette sucking in a sharp breath as he stared in awe at the man before him.

"Okay." Sirius murmured in reply, not bothering to correct him in the state he was in. "It's okay. I'm staying, Remus. I'm staying." he said, leaning down and adjusting himself to get a grip on Remus who let out a whimper in response. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I've got to move you, hold on." he said softly. Remus' hands curled in Sirius' robes, his face turning to press into his neck and breathe in his unique scent. The two seemed to have forgotten their audience in the short span of time they had conversed, but when Sirius finally rose with the werewolf in his arms Lily's eyes were suspiciously wet and James seemed especially happy despite the situation. Even Dumbledore had a knowing look as he stepped aside to let Sirius pass.

As soon as he was out of the room, the older wizard began to speak lowly to Lily about proper caretaking and how to contact him in case of an emergency. It only registered as a buzz in the back of Sirius' mind though as he moved through the halls to their room. Remus rested fitfully in his arms, his mouth opening and closing in pain against the skin of his neck every time Sirius accidentally jostled him. He was only too happy when they finally arrived and Sirius flicked his wand to pull down the covers of their bed before moving to deposit Remus beneath them.

Much like their first night together though, Remus refused to let go.

His bright amber eyes opened to peer up at Sirius as he tangled a hand in the other man's long, dark locks. "Stay, Sirius. Please. Need you. Need you." he whispered somewhat desperately, voice raw with pain and Sirius felt his heart simultaneously breaking and lodging itself in his throat. Nodding dumbly once more, he toed his shoes off before climbing into bed with Remus still clinging to his front.

As soon as he was laying, Remus molded his body to fit Sirius' own, hissing and wincing all the while, the pressure proving to be too much on his injuries.

"I'm not going anywhere Remus, I promise. It's okay." he murmured, running his fingers through the man's hair whilst his other hand traced softly down his arm. Remus said nothing though as he curled even closer to Sirius and squeezed his eyes shut. He was asleep within moments.

Sirius felt the heavy weight of guilt settle on top of him. His distance had been uncalled for in a sense, but at the same time he had only been looking out for Remus. Protecting him. Trying not to take advantage of him. None of that mattered now though. Not when Sirius' mind was filled with what if's and worst case scenarios and never getting to kiss Remus again. The though was devastating.

Looking down at the sleeping werewolf, Sirius found himself tracing over the four new scars adorning Remus' face. He watched as the other man's eyelashes fluttered over his pale cheek. Watched his lips move delicately in his sleep, parting ever so slightly as he breathed. Remus Lupin, he was devastating.

Sirius hadn't expected to fall asleep. He'd expected to stay up, keep guard. True, he hadn't slept the night before, consumed as he was with worry, but he expected to keep a vigil instead. If Remus needed something, anything, he would be awake. He would stay awake. However, soon after Remus drifted off and Sirius began his examination of the other man, he ended up following suit.

Remus woke up much later.

The strong afternoon sunlight was kept at bay by their thick blinds for the most part, though a few bright shafts illuminated their room. It cast a somewhat unearthly glow on their surroundings as Remus came to and tried to figure out where he was and what had happened. His brain felt sluggish and dull, a result of both the wolfsbane potion and the transformation.

He remembered the room, the pain, his screams. Business as usual then, the only twist was that he could remember just how intense it was. Ultraviolet pain. Just brilliant. Resisting the urge to sigh as he knew it would only serve to reawaken his wounds, he turned his head into his pillow only to discover that it was exceptionally warm and solid. Taking another moment to try to piece it all together, his eyes widened as pieces of this morning came rushing back to him and he turned his eyes up to see Sirius.

Sirius was sound asleep. His long dark lashes brushing his pale, flawless skin like some obscenely beautiful china doll. Licking his lips, Remus adjusted himself ever so slightly to get a better look even though it hurt, realizing at the same time that the man had an arm wrapped securely around the werewolf, holding him tightly to his side. The thought had Remus smiling as his eyes danced over the others features.

After suffering through the distance that had been between them these last few days, Remus wasn't sure what to make of their renewed closeness. Everything with Sirius seemed to be up and down. One second they were all over each other and the next they were worlds apart.

Breathing out through his nose, he winced as his ribs protested. A part of him longed to go inspect the damage he had inflicted upon himself the previous night in the bathroom mirror, but he knew he might wake Sirius and he didn't want to loose such a unique opportunity just yet. When his lips pulled up even higher in a smile though, he felt his face protest and his stomach sank.

His face. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Remus brought a shaky hand up to touch the left side of his face and hissed when he came into contact with four parallel claw marks. His eyes immediately welled up with tears, blurring the image of Sirius sleeping peacefully.

Having been a werewolf for most of his life, Remus knew that whatever and wherever your claws tore during the full moon would scar. Over the years, his body had become a battleground, his limbs and torso an ever evolving canvas, and he was okay with that. True, his face had one or two small scars from his years of torment, but for the most part he could cover them. He could hide if he needed to. Him being a werewolf wasn't apparent. It wasn't staring him in the face every second of every day. This though.. This would make it impossible.

The tears in his eyes welled over and Remus stifled a sob as he returned to Sirius side and tried to stop crying. He didn't want to wake the other man up, especially not to this, but he couldn't help the feeling of overwhelming despair that threatened to consume him. It seemed like it was just one thing after another. The universe just wanted him to be as strange as humanly possibly and it was certainly succeeding.

Eventually it became too much. He realized he would wake Sirius up if he didn't leave the bed and so, as delicately as he could, he gently extracted himself from the other man, hissing and wincing and probably opening a few cuts in the process. Peeling Sirius' old, worn zip up from off the back of their desk chair, he gently shrugged it on, wincing through the pain as he did so and fled the room. He needed to find Lily. He needed someone to make sense of all the thoughts that were spinning through his head because it wasn't just the scars on his face. Those were just the catalyst. It was everything. None of it made sense and he was drowning in it. He needed Lily. Needed her to make sense of it.

Sirius was his best friend. He was. But Remus was also in love with him, or he was fairly certain he was in love with him. Which meant that he wasn't comfortable sobbing to him about this. For that he needed Lily and he found her in the sitting room.

Lily had taken to curling up with James by the fire and when Remus entered, both Potters perked up. Upon seeing Remus' tear streaked face though, their demeanor changed.

"What's Sirius done now?" James demanded, jumping to his feet. Remus watched in mild alarm and amusement as the man's chest puffed out and his chin raised ever so slightly as he prepared to head off to ..well ..Remus wasn't sure what he planned to do.

"N-Nothing." Remus managed, breath still shaky from his crying as his eyes found Lily. "Talk, can we talk?" he asked and Lily nodded, immediately jumping from her seat. James' brow furrowed.

"Everything alright?" he asked, and Remus nodded. He was still weak and achy from the transformation, but Remus needed Lily. Needed her advice and comfort. Needed her to hold his hand or just hold him and run her fingers through his hair and tell him it would be alright.

"I need Lily." was all he could offer James and if it had been anyone else, James' face would have darkened. It wasn't just anyone though. It was Remus. While it was true that James hadn't trusted Remus at first, he had never suspected he would try to make a move on Lily and despite how his statement could have been taken that was still true.

Besides, Lily was positively beaming. Having never truly had a friend like James had, she had taken to Remus like a fish to the water. It was clear the two were close and this was only cementing it.

"C'mon, James will make us a nice cuppa and take it to us in our room, yeah?" Lily said, taking Remus' hand and looking at her husband for confirmation. James nodded without complaint, probably because he was happy to see Remus up and, you know, breathing after how terrible he looked this morning.

Grinning at her husband, Lily leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek before her and Remus disappeared up the stairs and into the room Lily and James had spent the last few nights in.

As soon as the door was closed and Lily asked Remus what was wrong though, he fell apart. Remus had managed to stop crying to go find Lily. He had held it together in front of James, but here and now, he couldn't. Not with Lily's soft inquiring voice and delicate hands brushing through his hair, not with her saying, "sh, sh, it's okay, I've got you."

Remus sobbed into her sweater, letting her caress the few bits of unbroken, unbruised skin he had left. When he had finally cried it all out, he pulled back ever so slightly and Lily was already pressing a tissue into his hand.

She didn't ask Remus again. She just sat, comforting him until he finally spoke.

"It's going to scar." he whispered softly. The fingers in his hair paused momentarily. "It always scars and that's okay but I've never- I've never- It's on my face and now, now I can't hide." Remus whispered desperately, his eyes filling up with tears as Lily gave him a delicate squeeze.

When she didn't say anything, he continued. "I could always hide in plain sight. No one would know if they looked, what I was, but now- now- now they- they will." Remus choked out. "Everything about me is wrong Lily" he insisted even when she made a noise of disagreement, "Everything is wrong. It's not just that I'm a werewolf, it's that I'm weird. I'm so weird, Lily. I get everything wrong because I don't understand. I don't get it because I wasn't a part of the world. I'm still not a part of the world. All my memories are from my childhood and after that it's all pain and blood and darkness and I'm happy now, so happy but even that's wrong because even that can't be normal. I can't even be normal. Because you, you Lily, you're so wonderful and perfect and I know you're married but if I were a proper man, a real man, I would feel for you what I feel for Sirius but I don't" Remus was so caught up in finally coming clean that he didn't notice Lily freeze, "I don't. I feel for Sirius the way James feels for you. I know I do. And it's not normal, is it? Every book I read it's men and women and all the people I see are men and women. Am I wrong? Is it wrong? I don't- I can't- I'm just- I'm an aberration. I don't belong, I don't-" Remus said, starting to get choked up again.

Before he could work himself up again though, Lily shushed him and pressed a kiss to his temple. "You, Remus John Lupin, are _not_ wrong." she said firmly. "And you are a real man, a handsome, wonderful, clever man. You're perfect just the way you are." she insisted softly, tilting his head to look at her. Remus started back at her through watery eyes. Lily offered him a small smile, "You think I'm perfect?" she offered softly, and Remus nodded almost immediately which had her smiling. "But some people would disagree, they'd tell you that I've got dirty blood. That my heritage excludes my eligibility from society. That I can't be intelligent or talented because I'm not pure, but they're wrong, aren't they?" Lily didn't wait for an answer as she continued. "Just like people would say the same about werewolves. They'd say you have no place, that you're nothing but a beast, but you, Remus Lupin, you're magnificent. Incandescent. You're kind and clever and wonderful. You're not weird, Remus. You're perfect. Absolutely perfect. There is nothing wrong with you. Don't you dare ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I won't lie to you. I won't tell you that the world is open to people like you or me. I'm not going to say that muggleborns and werewolves and gay men all have a place in our society. They don't. That doesn't make it right though. Who you are is who you're supposed to be and don't you ever suppress it or change it. Besides, I'll tell you a secret- I think Sirius feels the same way about you."

By the time Lily was finished, Remus felt another lump welling up in his throat as he looked at the red head who was still running her delicate fingers through his hair. Her smile was warm and bright as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Remus' eyes drifted shut in response and he let out a sigh of relief. It was only when Lily gently cupped his scarred cheek his her hand that he blinked them open again. Scanning her face for any sign of falsehoods, Remus took a few steadying breaths.

"I kissed him."

Lily's eyes went wide then, a bright grin splitting her face in two which had Remus smiling as well.

"You what? When?" Lily demanded, nearly bouncing on the bed in her excitement, "How can you even doubt that he feels the same if he- wait, did he kiss you back?"

"Uh, well, not really? But he didn't run away." Remus offered in response.

Lily nodded, her face taking on the expression of a mathematician hell bent on completing a very complex set of proofs. "Okay, good, yes and when was this?"

"The night I first spoke."

"And you're telling me now! Is that why you've been acting funny? Have you even discussed it?" Lily asked excitedly as Remus shook his head and wondered how the conversation could have taken such a turn.

Lily opened her mouth to say more before Remus cut across.

"You really don't think I'm wrong?" Remus asked gently, looking down at his lap. "Everything about me is different. I'm a male werewolf who is attracted to other males, who doesn't understand normal social cues, who finds it easier to interact with books than people, who's never been formally educated, who's.."

Before he could continue, Lily reached out and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. "You're wonderful and spectacular and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. We're fighting for people like you, Remus. People who have been told their whole lives that their wrong. That what they feel and think is wrong. But they're not wrong. And you're not wrong Remus. You're just right. And you kissed Sirius Bloody Black." Lily said with a wide grin and Remus, feeling so much better, grinned back at Lily.

"You're my best friend, Lily." he said suddenly, voicing it awkwardly and bringing the conversation to a strange halt. Lily didn't seem to mind though. In fact, her face brightened even more. Her eyes grew a little wet and she beamed at Remus.

"You're my best friend too, Remus. You're mine too."

By the time James finally arrived with the tea, he found Lily and Remus sprawled across the bed. Remus' head was resting in Lily's lap as she played with his tawny hair and the two of them spoke in riddles about something or another that made absolutely no sense to him.

"Merlin's baggy pants mate, she's turned you into a bloody bird. She's roped you into gossip. You come downstairs all somber and serious and now look at the two of you!" James exclaimed.

Remus had merely turned his head to grin at the other man and Lily hadn't said anything, though James was curious as to why she looked like the cat who got the cream.

Two cups of tea later and a good deal of bandaging in which Lily somehow managed to cover the scars on Remus' face for the time being, Remus started to feel better. Eventually though, James started to get antsy and hang off Lily and Remus' body started to wilt. This led to the Potters leaving and Remus creeping back into his and Sirius' room.

Much to his surprise, the other man was still asleep. Sirius did keep some rather strange sleeping habits. The other man either slept really lightly or really deeply. Apparently, today was the latter.

Creeping over to the bed, Remus slid under the covers once more. Lifting Sirius' arm, he curled up to the other mans side and grinned when he felt his body automatically adjust to accommodate him.

"Remus?" Sirius asked, voice groggy as he blinked his eyes open and looked down at the werewolf. "You okay? Where'd you go?" he asked, taking in his appearance. "What time s'it?"

Remus looked up at him then, smiling softly. "M'fine." he murmured in response, "Sore, but fine."

Sirius' eyes fluttered shut once more, taking a few more even breaths before opening again. Sore, sore; the moon- fuck, that was right. "Shit, Moony, right, sore, how are you? I'm not- are you?" he asked, panicked. His body went rigid as Remus smiled and shook his head.

"S'fine, just don't squeeze and we're good." the werewolf replied. "I'm quite comfortable, though I don't think I'll be moving much these next few days."

Sirius paused, trying to gauge whether or not Remus was telling the truth before nodding. Hesitating then, he asked "Is it always- I mean- is it always that bad?"

Remus didn't respond right away because the truth of the matter was that sometimes ..sometimes it was worse. Much worse. Sometimes he woke up and he felt like he was going to die. Even though he was in pain now, he had never felt as good as he did at the moment. Despite how sore he was, despite the aches and pains radiating through his body, he had never felt so whole after a full moon. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Remus licked his lips and thought for a moment before responding. "It's- it's worse sometimes." he answered softly.

Sirius remained silent, his arm tightening ever so slightly in response.

"Well." he said after a moment, clearing his throat before continuing, "Well, Moony, from now on, you'll always have me."

And Remus couldn't help but smile.


End file.
